Second Chances
by Natascha Romanoff
Summary: Over two years have passed since the Blip and Natasha's life has changed a lot during that time. She's running the Clint Barton foundation and is the proud mother of a sweet boy. She's happy with her new life. But then someone from the past returns and everything changes for her and her son.
1. Chapter 1

_I know that I said that I'm done and I am, but this idea wouldn't leave me alone._

* * *

Chapter I

_Two and a half years after the Blip_

There wasn't a day Natasha didn't think about Clint. About the sacrifice he'd made so everyone could come back.

Because of him, families, friends, and lovers were reunited.

Because of him, she was still alive.

She had been ready to die, to give her life, but he'd managed to trick her and he'd jumped off the cliff, taking her place. She missed him so much and she felt guilty every time she saw his family. They were all back, but Clint was gone. Laura had sold the farm and moved to New York, and Natasha was happy that they were so close to her now, but someone was missing.

And it broke her heart that Clint had never met James. That he hadn't even known about him. Hell, Natasha hadn't known about him until Laura had shoved a box with a pregnancy test in it into her hands. A baby had been the last thing that Natasha had needed three weeks after losing Clint, everyone being back, fighting Thanos, losing Tony, and then Steve leaving them all behind to be with Peggy Carter.

It had been a shock, but she had known that she could do this. Clint would want her to have this, would want her to be a mother. Natasha had never thought she would be a mother, had never really pictured herself with a child, but she'd wanted that baby. She had been terrified, beyond scared because she would be all alone, but one look into her baby's eyes and she'd known that they would make.

She'd named her son after Bucky, because he had been such a great help to her during her pregnancy, and after Clint. She'd briefly considered to use Clint as his first name but it had been too painful. James Clinton Romanoff was the love of Natasha's life and being his mother was everything to her. He was loved by everyone and a very bright and happy child.

Natasha looked at her bedroom ceiling, smiling. Clint had changed her life two times. Once when he'd sparred her life and then again when he'd sacrificed his life for hers. He had also saved her son's life that day.

She closed her eyes, thinking about her best friend. She didn't want to think about her other best friend.

She knew that one day James would ask about his father and she had no idea what to tell him. How was she supposed to explain to him that his father had gone back in time, that he didn't even know about his child, and that they would never see him again. She didn't even understand it herself. Steve had left them all. He hadn't said goodbye, he'd just left like the 12 years he'd spent with them meant nothing. She thought that they all had been a family, but it looked like that hadn't been what Steve felt like. They'd lost Clint and Tony, his best friend had been finally back for good, the brother Steve had risked everything for, but that still hadn't been enough. He'd left to be with a woman he'd shared one kiss with.

Maybe Natasha was being unfair. She'd never been in love, so she didn't know what had been going through Steve's head, how much he'd missed Carter during those 12 years, but she always thought that Avengers had meant something to him. She'd thought that they had been his new home and family.

She wasn't jealous, her and Steve hadn't been in love, they had found comfort in each other from time to time after the snap and that was how, against all odds, James had happened. Steve had been long gone when she'd found out about the pregnancy. Would he have stayed if he'd known? Natasha would never know the answer to that. She wanted to think that, of course, he would have stayed, but as it had turned out, she didn't know Steve at all. She would have never thought that he would just abandon them all.

Was Steve married now? Did James have siblings? There was no way that they would ever know.

It didn't matter. Steve had made his choice and they all had to live with it. But he had given them James and for that she would always be grateful to him.

* * *

Natasha was glad to be on her way home after a long day at work. She wasn't an Avenger anyone, the Avengers didn't really exist anymore anyway, but she was president of the Clint Barton Foundation for troubled teenagers. She was sure that Clint would have approved of the foundation, and she loved her new job, but she missed her baby so much when she was working. She knew from Pepper and Laura though, that it was completely normal.

The others were still out there, fighting the good fight, but Natasha was done. She couldn't be a mother and live that type of life anymore. And she didn't want to, not anymore. She was happy with her new life.

She unlocked her apartment door and was greeted by Liho, their cat. Natasha hadn't known what to do after she'd found Liho, worried that a cat wasn't good for a baby, but Liho was so gentle and sweet with James. The two were best friends.

"Hear that, buddy? I think your mommy's home!" She heard Bucky tell James and she followed his voice to James's room.

They two were playing on the floor with stuffed animals and James beamed happily when he saw his mother. Her heart grew three sizes. Her baby meant everything to her.

"Mama!" James waddled over to her and she picked him, kissing his sweet face. "Miss you."

"I missed you, too." She buried her nose in his hair to inhale his smell. God, she loved him so much. And she missed him terribly when they were apart. How was she supposed to send him off to college? She was just going to have to go with him.

"Hey, Nat." Bucky stood up and kissed her cheek. "How was work?"

"Good." She smiled at him. She was happy that he wasn't currently working. He was way too often on missions with Sam and the others. Bucky had become a very important part of her life. He had been her rock during her pregnancy and was the closest thing James had to a father. "Has he been good?"

"Of course." He ruffled James's hair who grinned happily. "Our boy is a poster child of good behavior!"

"Sure." She chuckled, knowing quite well how energetic James could be. No wonder, with two serums running through his veins. "Are you hungry? I'm in the mood for Chinese."

"Your usual, doll?" Bucky asked, pulling his phone out. "I'll order while you get out of your clothes?"

"You wanna get me naked?" She teased, letting James down because he was getting fussy.

"You know me so well." Bucky winked at her and left the room.

She chuckled to herself and went to her bedroom to change into something more comfy. Natasha thought about Bucky while she changed. She would never admit it, but she sometimes thought about pursuing something romantic with him. She wasn't sure if she even had that kind of feelings for him, but she felt lonely sometimes. She wondered if having a partner would make things easier. Would James be happier if Bucky lived with them? Would it be better for him if he had two parents? Would she be happier if she had someone who slept next to her every night? Natasha shook her head. Those were dangerous thoughts and Bucky was way too important to her and James to jeopardize that with sex and romance.

James had already lost one father, he couldn't lose another one.

They had dinner in the living room with James babbling about his day and chewing on his spring roll. She couldn't believe that her baby would be turning two in a few months. Kids really grew up so fucking fast. She hated it, she wanted him to stay little forever. What if he turned into one of those teenage boys who hated their mom?

She talked with Bucky about his next potential mission, and the fundraiser she was currently planning until it was time for James to go to bed. Bucky offered to clean up while she got her son ready for bed.

She watched James fall asleep after reading and singing to him with a smile on her face. Everything they said about motherhood was true. She loved James more than anything. He was her whole world and there was nothing that she wouldn't do for him. Liho sneaked in through the open door and found her usual spot next to James, watching over him. Natasha kissed her son's forehead, petted Liho, and walked quietly out off the room, leaving the door a bit open.

She found Bucky in her kitchen, planning on asking him if he wanted to watch a movie with her. She loved her son so freaking much, but she really wanted to watch something that wasn't animated for once.

"Hey, Bucky-" He turned around and she stopped talking. He looked like he'd seen a ghost. "Bucky? What's wrong? Did something happen?"

He just stared at her and Natasha was starting to panic. Her first thought was her son. Was James in danger?

Bucky sat down at the kitchen table, taking a deep breath. "It's Steve. He's...he's _back_."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter II

"What?!" Natasha sat down as well. That was...How was that even possible? "Are you sure?!"

Bucky nodded. "Sam texted me. Steve's back and it's really him. SHIELD tested him. He's at HQ. He came back this afternoon."

Natasha just looked at Bucky who seemed just as lost. _How_ did he get back? He'd only had one dose of Pym Particles and he'd used that to go back to Carter. What was he doing back here? _Why_ was he here?

Her eyes widened and her heart started racing. "Is he going to take James away? Back with him?"

"What? No, no, I don't think so." Bucky stood up to wrap his arms around her and she buried her face in his neck. "He doesn't even know about James. I don't know why he's back. Hell, how did he even come back? He's not going to take James away from you. He has no right."

"What am I going to tell James?" She mumbled into his neck. She felt Bucky rest his chin on top of her head. He had become so important to her during the last years. He was her best friend and James loved him so much.

"Nothing. And I don't think we should tell Steve about James until he told us everything." He rubbed his hand over her back and she smiled at the gesture. Who would have ever thought that the Winter Soldier would be part of her family. "Sam hasn't told Steve about James and he's not going to."

"Okay, good." She moved away from Bucky's embrace to look at him. "I don't wanna see him."

"I get that." He smiled softly at her, his bionic hand cupping her cheek. He knew that his bionic arm didn't bother her. And James thought it was the coolest thing ever. "I'll talk to him. I wanna know what the fuck is going on."

"Thank you." She pressed a kiss to his palm. "I know that's not easy for you. He hurt you, too."

"Yeah, but I would do anything for you and James. You know that, right?"

"I do." She smiled at him, and she silently wished that her and Bucky were a couple and he was James's biological father. It would make everything _so much_ easier.

* * *

Natasha was pretty sure that now all of her friends and family knew that Steve had magically come back. Pepper and Laura had tried calling her several times, just like Sam and Bruce. She ignored all calls and stayed at home. She wanted to spend the day with her son. She still had the fear that Steve was going to take her baby away from her.

She didn't know Steve anymore, she wasn't sure if she'd ever truly known him. What if he decided that his son should grow up in the forties with him and his perfect Peggy? She had no fucking clue what was going on in his head. But she did know that she was never going to let him take away her James. She hated Steve for leaving her and everyone else, and she would kill him if he hurt James in any way.

"Mommy, you're sad?" James asked her with big eyes, interrupting her train of thoughts. They were cuddling on her bed and he hugged her closer. "I'm here. Don't sad, mommy. Luv you!"

"I love you, too. So much." She kissed the top of his head. "I'm not sad, baby. How could I? You make me so happy!"

Shit, she had to keep it together. She didn't want James to figure out that something was going on. He was so little and she had to protect him at all costs. He was too young to understand what was going on. Not that his mother understood what was going on. What if James met his biological father and then Steve decided that he still hated it here and went back? Her boy would be heartbroken and she and Bucky would be left to pick up the pieces.

God, a part of her, a big part actually, wished that Steve had stayed wherever the fuck he'd been. He'd deserted them all. Her, Bucky, Sam, Bruce, Thor, Wanda, Pepper. And _James_.

They'd all loved him and he'd noped the fuck out of here the first chance he'd gotten. _Asshole_.

"Mama? Draw?"

"Of course."

Her son loved to draw and he was pretty good at it for a toddler and Natasha knew exactly why. Whether she liked it or not, James was half Steve's. But that didn't make him a dad.

No, a dad was there when his son was born, when he had colic, when he was teething and couldn't sleep, when he made his first steps, when his son had a high fever and he drove them to the ER. A dad comforted his son when he was crying and he made him laugh with silly faces.

Bucky had done all those things. He had been there for her and James from the moment he'd heard about the pregnancy and words could never express how much that meant to her. He had gotten her ice cream in the middle of the night when she'd called him, having one of her cravings. He had come with her to her baby and birth classes, when Laura hadn't been able to, and he and Sam had assembled the furniture for James's room when she had been too pregnant to do it herself. Bucky had been literally her shoulder to cry on when she hadn't wanted to bother Laura too much who'd had so much on her own plate after Clint's death.

Bucky Barnes had a very special plate in her heart.

She helped James get down from her bed and he ran to the kitchen with Liho in tow. Bucky would come over after James was sleeping so they could talk about Steve and what he was telling him today. Natasha felt sick when she thought about the fact that Steve was in the same city as her and James. In the _same time period_ as her and James.

"Mamaaa?"

"Coming, baby. I'm coming!"

* * *

Natasha had done what all moms did when they wanted to make sure that their kids would sleep through the night, she went to the park with him and let him power himself out. He barely managed to keep his eyes open during dinner and fell asleep while she sang to him. Liho curled herself around James's little body and she smiled at the sight in front of her. She kissed her son's forehead and left the room.

She walked to the kitchen to get herself a glass of wine. She wasn't really a vodka kinda girl anymore, but she did drink a glass of wine from time to time. And she could really use one right now. She had no idea what Bucky was going to tell her. She was going crazy when she thought about possible reasons for Steve's return.

Her glass was empty when she heard a soft knock on her door. She took a deep breath, got off the couch and went to the door to let Bucky in.

He greeted her with a smile, but he looked tired. "Hi, doll. The little guy asleep?"

"Yeah, come in." She stepped aside. "You want a beer? Or some wine?"

"A beer would be great, thanks, Nat."

She left to get him one, trying to calm herself. What had Steve told him? She grabbed Bucky's drink and went back to the living room. Bucky was sitting on the couch and she smiled, handing him his beer. His presence calmed her. Whatever was going to happen next, she had Bucky by her side.

"So-" Bucky began, but hesitated. "I...I punched him. I punched him the second I saw him."

"You didn't!" She giggled, somehow being incredibly amused.

"Of course, I did!" He laughed. "He deserved it."

"Yes, he did."

"He actually agreed that he deserved it." Bucky said carefully, looking at her.

"So, he regrets it?" She asked, even though she wasn't sure if she wanted an answer.

"Yeah, he knows he fucked up. Short version: He realized that he didn't belong there and wanted to come back. To _come_ _home_ as he put it."

"Carter dumped him?" Natasha couldn't think of any other reason.

Bucky chuckled. "Yeah, kinda. You know, Steve told me that he wasn't 100 percent sure if he was going to stay in the past for good. He'd had another vile of Pym Particles."

Natasha's eyes widened in surprise. So that was how he got back?

"Yeah, I was surprised as well. He said after seeing Peggy in the 70s, he wanted to have that dance with her and then come back. But then after Tony's death, he wanted to see if he could have that life Tony was talking about. But it turned out that he and Peggy were no match. Think about it, they don't really know each other. There was a war going on, they had no time to get to know each other. They created ideal versions of the other one in their heads and then reality set in. They tried, but Peggy still fell for that Sousa guy anyway. Even with Steve in the picture."

"Wow." Natasha simply said. What an epic fail as the kids would say. But good for Carter for listening to her heart and not thinking that she_ had_ to be with Steve because he came back for her. That was some major pressure. And the Peggy from the original timeline had moved on, she'd married and had children. He'd been willing to take that family away from her? Had he thought that he'd been the better match? Jesus, Steve had a bigger ego than Natasha had imagined.

"Yeah, wow. He'd only stayed in the forties for a couple of months and then decided to come back. He knew he made a mistake and that he didn't belong there. He said he missed us. He got stock in the quantum realm, that's why he's back now, two and a half years later."

"So, Steve gave up everything and got nothing in return? He and Peggy were no epic love story in the end? That's almost...sad. Pathetic, but still sad."

Bucky nodded. "Yeah. But at least they know that they weren't meant for each other. They can move on. Peggy doesn't have to pine after a ghost anymore. She knows that Sousa is her soulmate, well, the Peggy from that new timeline knows that...Argh, I hate time travelling!"

"Me, too. So Steve's back for good?"

"Yeah, and he wants to make it up to us. He wants to talk to everyone and apologize. He seemed very guilty."

"He should feel guilty. He just dropped us like we meant nothing to him." She said bitterly. She was still so mad at him. "We were all grieving Clint and Tony and he just leaves."

"I know, Nat." Bucky said softly. "Steve asked about you. A lot. I told him that you didn't want to see him and he looked pretty broken...I think that hurt him."

She shook her head. "He doesn't get to be hurt. Not after what he did to everyone I care about. You didn't mention James, did you?"

"Of course not! And the others won't either, don't worry. You will be the one to tell him. Once you're ready."

"I don't know when that will be." She muttered under her breath. "Everything's just so...I don't wanna deal with this. I have to think about James. And what is best for him. I know that he has to meet Steve and that they should have a relationship...but...I don't trust Steve anymore. I don't trust him not to hurt my boy. What if Steve decides he hates it here again and returns to the past to try it again with Carter? I can't put James through that."

"You didn't see him, Nat. He was really...He knows he's fucked up. He won't go back. And you know that Steve will be a great father to James."

"I know nothing when it comes to Steve as it turned out. And James already has a dad." She smiled softly at Bucky. "I don't know what the future will bring and how Steve and James's relationship will look like, but you'll always be a crucial part of this family." She took his hand in her own. "I couldn't have done it without you, Bucky."

Bucky blinked the tears in his eyes away. "It feels good to hear that. I have to admit that I'm a little worried about my role in James's life...and yours, now that Steve's back."

"You don't have to be. There are things much stronger than DNA." She leaned forward without thinking and pecked Bucky's lips. "You, me and James, we'll always be bonded. We are a family."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter III

Natasha had never been a Captain America fan (unlike Coulson) so she had been more than annoyed when Fury had assigned them as partners after the Chitauri invasion. She just hadn't been able to picture them getting along working together, but as it had turned out they had been a great team in the field. They had been so different which was why they had been such a good fit.

Steve had been become a good friend during their time at SHIELD and then he had become her best friend when they had led the Avengers together. They had formed a real family when they had been on the run after Berlin and Siberia and there hadn't been a thing that she wouldn't have done for him. She would have followed him to the ends of the world, she'd trusted him completely.

And then Thanos had happened and Steve had changed. They had all changed. The whole world, the whole universe, had been traumatized and Natasha had tried so desperately to keep their family together.

But Steve had been less and less involved in Avengers business until he'd moved completely back to New York. She'd seen him less and less and she couldn't even really remember how it had started, who had made the first move, but they had started to sleep together when he'd come upstate to check on her. They hadn't been lovers, they had just been two people who had been lost and wanted to forget their pain for some time.

And then Scott had showed up and finally there had been hope again.

And they'd lost Clint.

And Tony.

But everyone else was back and Natasha had thought that it was time to heal. Time to finally move on. She guessed that Steve had done that in some way. For him moving on had meant to go back. She could understand that in some way. But she would never understand why he'd never said goodbye to them. He just left them alone with their grief and this new world. Had he never truly cared for them?

She knew that she couldn't be mad at him for leaving James because he didn't know about him. She hadn't known about the baby until three weeks later after Steve's exit from their lives.

But she was furios at him for leaving her. For leaving their family. She had needed him after Clint's death. They'd needed him after Tony's death. How could he have just abandon Bucky after everything that he had been through? What had happened to "I'm with you til the end of the line"?

None of them had gotten a real goodbye from him. She knew deep down that she couldn't blame him for wanting to go back, she couldn't imagine how it was to wake up in a new world after seventy years of sleep, but hadn't the last 12 years together at least earned them a proper goodbye?

She resented Steve for that and she wasn't so sure if she would ever be able to forgive him. That was the reason why she still hadn't seen him. He had been back for a whole week now and she knew from the others that he wanted to see her, but she wasn't ready to see him. She was still so angry and she knew that she had to talk to him eventually because they had a child together, but she still didn't have her murderous thoughts under control yet.

* * *

Natasha had never been a girls girl, but she had to admit that it was nice to meet Pepper and Laura for a girl's night when all their schedules allowed it. Sometimes May Parker joined them who didn't know what to do with herself now that Peter was going to college. Happy tried to get her to go steady, but May wasn't having any of that. It was kind of hilarious to see the two together.

She'd dropped off James at Bucky's since the two would have a boys night with Sam. She knew from Bucky that Sam was warming up to Steve again, mentioning that Steve asked about her all the time.

It was no surprise to Natasha that Happy was the one to open the door when she knocked on the door of Pepper's townhouse. Even though Happy was a rich man himself, he was still the head of security, watching over Pepper and Morgan. Just like Tony would have wanted it.

"Hi, Natasha." He greeted her and looked behind her like he was expecting more guests. "Uh, is May coming, too?"

She tried to hide her grin. "I don't think so. I haven't heard from her."

"Yeah, me neither. She's a free spirit." Happy muttered underneath his breath. "Laura's already here. They're upstairs."

"Thanks, Happy." She gave him a friendly smile and walked up the stairs to join her friends. She found them in Pepper's walk in closet where Laura was trying on a pair of high heels.

Natasha greeted them with warm hugs ( being a mom had turned her into a hugger) and they ended up on the balcony, drinking rosé and eating cheese and bread.

"Okay-" Pepper said after popping a grape into her mouth. "I think it's time we talk about the elephant in the room."

Both her and Laura looked at Natasha. "Oh, you mean, Happy moping around about May?"

"No." Laura rolled her eyes. "How are you? With Steve being back? I'm still shocked and I barely know him."

"Have you decided when you're gonna talk to him? Tell him about James?" Pepper asked with a soft smile. "I know this must be confusing for you. I really thought we would never see him again."

"Me, too." Natasha sighed and emptied her wine glass. "I know that I have to see him eventually. I know that he has to know about James, but I'm not there yet. Steve being back changes everything. It will completely change James's life. How is he gonna react to a stranger in his life? He doesn't really know what a father is and if I tried to explain it to him now, he would think that Bucky is his father and not a complete stranger that he's never met before."

"I think you're allowed to give yourself as long as you want until you're ready to see him." Laura said and Pepper nodded her agreement. "He has no right to demand to see you. I know how close you two were. He shouldn't have just left you without a goodbye after losing Clint." Laura closed her eyes briefly and then looked over to Pepper with a sad smile. "And then Tony."

"I know I'm being petty, but I kinda enjoyed that he didn't find what he was hoping for. Like we weren't the only ones who were miserable. Am I a bad person?" Natasha whispered, not looking at her friends.

"No." Pepper said immediately. "I actually laughed after I heard about that. I know that wasn't nice, but I couldn't help it."

"I do feel sorry that it didn't work out in the end for them, though." Natasha admitted. "Imagine loving someone for so long and then you do get a chance with them and you realize it's not meant to be. That must be tough."

Laura and Pepper nodded.

"Yes. Thinking that this one person was the one that got away and then giving up everything to be with them and...then it was for nothing..." Pepper said quietly. "Steve's a mess. I saw him yesterday."

"You did?" Natasha didn't know about that. "How was it?"

Pepper sighed deeply. "I know you don't want to hear it, but he's not doing so well. He's desperate to make it up to everyone. He really wants to see you, Nat."

"I'm not ready. Not until I know how to handle the situation with James."

"How's Bucky doing with everything by the way?" Laura asked after refilling their glasses and Natasha was thankful that she stirred the conversation away from her.

"I know that he wants to rebuild his relationship with Steve. I mean, they have been friends for almost century. And I respect that." Natasha took a sip from her wine glass, thinking about the look on Bucky's face when he'd told her that he was worried about his role in James's life now that Steve was back. "He fears that he loses James to Steve."

"Steve is his biological father, but Bucky is the one who has been there for James since his birth." Laura said and Pepper nodded in agreement. "Nothing can change that bond so quickly. Steve is a stranger to James."

"I know. I told Bucky that we're family and Steve's return didn't change that. I want my son to have a relationship with both of them."

"Two dads." Pepper chuckled. "How modern!"

Natasha felt Laura's eyes on her and raised an eyebrow. "What's on your mind, Barton?"

"Nothing." She answered very unconvincing. "I just wonder sometimes what is going on between you and Barnes. Is James the only one he tucks into bed from time to time?"

"Are you asking me if Bucky and I are having an affair?" Natasha laughed. "No, we're not lovers. We've never slept together."

"Do you want to?" Pepper grinned smugly. "He's very easy on the eyes."

"I don't know." She answered truthfully, the brief kiss from last week flashing through her mind. "I feel lonely sometimes. And he's always there for me and James. He's a good man and I do wonder if things were easier if I had a partner. I love being a mother, but I do miss being desired by a man. But I can't risk what I have with him just like that."

"Do you have feelings for him?" Laura asked softly.

Natasha shrugged her shoulders. "I'm not sure. I don't think so. Maybe? I'm probably just lonely. I don't think that Bucky and I will ever be more than friends. He's too important to be just a fling."

"And Steve coming back just makes everything even messier, doesn't it? You two have a lot to work through." Pepper gave her a sympathetic smile.

"Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a boyfriend."

* * *

It was late but Natasha was still in the office, working on the fundraiser so everything would go smoothly.

Her job was important to her, it made it possible to her to be close to Clint in a way. His childhood hadn't been ideal (not that hers had been any better) and she thought it was a good idea to honor his memory by helping teenagers to have a better life.

Things hadn't been easy after everyone had come back. The survivors had moved on, some had new spouses and children, and people had come back to learn that a loved one had died, and there hadn't been enough food and space for everyone. It had been total chaos and it taken months to get everything back to some kind of normal.

A lot of the teenagers had problems to find their new place, some couldn't deal with their parents getting divorced and having new families, or worse they'd come back and their family had died over the course of the last five years.

Natasha hadn't really thought about the issues that would come with over three billion people reappearing. None of them had.

Her co-worker Darcy Lewis came into her office to wish her a good night and Natasha decided that she would go home soon as well. James was staying with the Bartons tonight and Natasha hoped to reach Fury later so she could ask for his advice about the whole Steve situation. She knew that Fury was eager to have Steve join his team, but she wanted to know what he thought about James and Steve getting to know each other. How was she supposed to handle that without confusing her son? Or worse, traumatize him.

It didn't matter how she felt about Steve, it was about James. Her son had a right to meet his biological father. She rubbed her temples, the whole mess giving her a headache.

She opened her laptop to check on Amazon if she would find a children's book that would help her ease James into everything, but surprisingly there were no books with a sweet and touching story about a father traveling to the past and then coming back, meeting his son for the first time. She groaned and shut her laptop.

"Natasha?"

She looked up at the door and _Steve _was standing there. Her heart stopped beating for a second before it started racing. She'd thought for so long that she would never see him again. And now here he was standing in her doorway.

"Hey, Nat." He smiled shyly. He looked the same, but still seemed like a stranger to her. "I missed you."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Natasha had dreamed about this moment during her pregnancy more than she would ever admit. She had been lonely and so terrified, and she'd just wanted Steve by her side. To help her with the baby. She'd wanted her best friend back, but he'd never come back. Until _now_.

Steve looked at her shyly with a cautious smile on his face. He had dark circles underneath his eyes and he looked tired. Pepper was right, Steve was a mess.

And Natasha was turning into one as well. She didn't know what to think or to feel right now. She was happy to see him, but she remembered how hurt and angry she'd been in the last years. She'd needed him, James still needed him.

"Nat, please say something." Steve was still standing in her doorway. Looking more nervous by the second.

"How did you find me?" She blurted out, confused that he was here.

"I googled you. The others didn't tell me anything about you. I read about the foundation and it sounds really great, Nat. Clint would be proud."

"What are you doing here? I don't wanna see you!" She snapped.

Where was a Chinese throwing star when you needed one?! She wasn't ready yet, she still had no idea how to tell Steve about James and more importantly how to introduce them. She wanted James to have a good childhood without any traumas.

"I know. I heard, but I..." He looked so sad in that moment and she fought the urge to comfort him. No, she wasn't going to do that. They didn't have that kind of relationship anymore. "I miss you so much, Nat. I had to see you. I know I shouldn't have come, but I just...It's been two weeks and I still haven't seen you."

"Yeah, because I don't want to see you! You can't just disappear without a word and then come back and expect everyone to welcome you with open arms."

"I know and I don't expect you to, Natasha. I am truly sorry. For everything. For leaving you when you needed me the most." He looked like he was going to cry. He didn't even know how much she'd needed him and _why_. "I am sorry for leaving without telling you. I thought about you every day, Nat."

"Please just go, Steve."

"Nat-"

"Go. Please!" She looked anywhere but at Steve. He had to leave before she said anything that could make things even more messed up. She had to think about her son, _their_ son. She couldn't resent her child's father forever. "Please just go, Steve."

He looked like he wanted to argue, but he eventually nodded. "Okay, I'll go. I'm sorry for barging in like that. I should have given you more time. I'm sorry. I'm not going anywhere. I'll be there, waiting until you're ready to talk. Just know that I am truly sorry for hurting you and I'm will to do anything to make it up to you. I'm never leaving again."

She didn't say anything in return, she couldn't. She didn't want to cry in front of Steve. He gave her a nod before he turned around and left.

Natasha exhaled a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding when she heard the door closing. She was staring at the spot where he had been standing. Seeing him had been surreal.

She had been longing for this moment almost every night when she had been pregnant with James. She'd wanted him to come back to her so badly and she'd hated herself for being so needy, but she had been so scared that she would be a terrible mother. Steve had always been her moral compass and she'd thought that he would be a better parent than her. But then she'd realized that she could be a good mother, that her love for her baby was enough and that the two of them would make it. She didn't need Steve anymore.

She waited a few moments before she left the office, afraid to run into Steve outside. She wanted Steve in her life, more importantly she wanted Steve in James's life. She wanted her son to have a beautiful childhood with memories of her _and_ his father. She knew she had to get over herself and she would for her sweet boy. But she couldn't forget the hurt and pain Steve had caused her. He knew how hard it was for her to let someone in and he had been so close to her, and yet it hadn't been enough to get a goodbye from him.

* * *

Two days passed since she'd seen Steve for the first time after two and a half years, and she still didn't know how to handle everything. None of the parenting books she'd read had a chapter on what she was going through at the moment.

She knew that she had to tell Steve soon about James and then what? Should she tell James who Steve was or should she just introduce him as a friend first and then go from there? And there was still that fear deep down that Steve would change his mind and go back in time again. Steve was clearly searching for something and what if he didn't find that here? Would he leave again? How was she supposed to explain that to James?

Natasha pushed Steve to the back of her mind and focused on her son who she had to pick up from day care. She was going to spend a great day with her boy and not think about Steve.

James was munching on a banana when she walked into the day care center and he smiled happily at her when he spotted her and waved his little hand.

No, Steve wasn't going to want to go back once he knew James. How could someone look into her baby's eyes and not love him more than anything? It was not possible.

"Hi, mama!"

She walked over to him and kissed the top of his head. "Hi, baby. I missed you. How was your day?"

"Good! Look!" James patted his drawing with his hand. He had drawn Bucky and Sam in their suits. "Draw this!"

"It looks amazing! Do you want me to take a photo and send it to them?" She asked him, pulling her phone out of her tote. James gave her a puzzled look, furrowing his brows cutely. "Do you want to show it to your uncles?"

"Yes!"

She grinned and snapped a photo, sending it to Bucky and Sam. She shouldered James's backpack, picked him up to carry him on her hip and they left the day care together. James was babbling about his day and she was pretty sure that she understood half of it. She loved her kid, but knowing what a toddler was talking about was not always easy.

James was still pretty energetic and she decided to take a stroll with him through their neighborhood. Fall was almost here and the leaves were already starting to change which delighted James to no end.

He picked a red leave up from the ground and held it up to her. "Your hair!"

She laughed. "Yes, that looks almost like my hair."

James had had red fuzz on his head after he he had been born, but his hair changed more and more into Steve's blond. Right now his hair was still slightly strawberry blond, but she was sure that it would soon turn into total blond.

James tried to put the leave into his mouth and she had to take it away from him, causing him to cry. She wished that her son would understand that eating a dirty and potentially poisonous leave wasn't a good idea, but of course he didn't and he cried until she gave him a cracker.

She changed both her and James into more comfortable clothes after they got home and Natasha checked if there were any trustworthy family therapists in the area that could help while James was playing with Liho.

She knew that therapists were basically bond to secrecy, but she was still cautious. The world had no idea that Captain America had a child. Hell, they didn't even know that Steve was still alive. Things had been so chaotic after the blip and people had been confused and starving, and Natasha and the others hadn't known how to explain that Captain America had just left ( even though it had been to get his own happy ending) that they'd decided to tell the world that he'd died during the battle against Thanos and his army. It just had been easier this way.

There were two therapists that Natasha wanted to take a closer look at and she hoped that one of them could help her. Maybe she was overreacting and she should just introduce James to his father, but she didn't want to risk anything.

She decided to make tacos for dinner and put James in his high chair so he could keep her company while she made them dinner. He was playing with his Avengers toys, unknowingly holding his father's action figure in his tiny hands.

Little Captain America's shield fell to the ground and she picked it up from the floor, giving it back to James.

"Tanks, mama!" He beamed at her and she smiled back.

She wanted her son to have a perfect childhood and a present father was part of it. She was going to talk to Steve soon. For James.

* * *

Tomorrow Natasha would talk to Steve. She knew that she couldn't postpone that conversation any longer. She would walk by Sam's place where Steve was currently staying and tell him about James.

She would tell him that she wanted Steve to be part of their son's life and that they had to talk about how they were going to introduce father and son. Natasha had talked to a therapist who'd said that she had to have an honest conversation and an open mind with Steve, so James would get to know his father without baggage. James could pick up on Natasha's confusion and it could complicate their introduction. And she wanted James to have a good relationship with his father, she really did.

But that was for tomorrow and today she was with James in Central Park. They'd picked up Lucky from the Bartons and now James and the dog were running around, chasing each other and the ball. James was laughing and giggling happily, running after Lucky who was chasing after his ball. She smiled at the sight before her. Her son was truly the best thing that could have happened to her.

Natasha jumped off the bench and ran down the hill when she saw that a man had Lucky's ball and was talking to James. That guy had to get away from her son right the fuck now!

Her heart was almost jumping out of her chest when she got close enough to see the man's face. _No_, not like that!

"Are you lost, buddy?" Steve asked James who didn't answer because he knew that he wasn't allowed to talk to strangers. "Where are you parents?"

He was wearing sunglasses and a baseball cap to be incognito, but that man was definitely Steve. What the fuck was he doing here?! Oh God, oh God.

"James!" She shrieked without thinking and her son turned around.

"Mama!" James beamed happily. "Lost ball!"

She just picked up her son and pressed him against her. James turned in her arms, trying to get the ball from Steve who just stared at her and then at James. And then back at her. Lucky was jumping between them, clearly hoping that someone was going to throw the ball for him. The whole scene was so bizarre that Natasha almost laughed.

"_Mama_?" Steve echoed, his face pale. His gaze was now completely on James and Natasha could practically see when he realized who James was. He did have a striking resemblance with his father. "_Oh my God_!"

Shit, this was not how it was supposed to happen! She hugged James closer against her chest and gave Steve a pleading look, praying that he was understanding what she was trying to tell him without words. "I wanted to come see you tomorrow. We can talk then."

His eyes were still on James and Natasha couldn't read his expression. "I-"

"Please, let's talk _tomorrow_!"

"Mama, hungry!" James mumbled into her neck.

"Please, Steve! Not here, not now!" She whispered quietly and felt more than relived when Steve finally nodded. "Okay, James baby, let's get you and Lucky something to eat."

She took Lucky's ball from Steve and whistled so the dog would follow her since she'd forgotten his leash on the bench. She nodded a goodbye to Steve who still looked like he was in shock and she turned around to walk away.

Her heart was hammering against her rib cage and she tried her best not to freak out. She couldn't, not with her son present.

"Bye!" James yelled and she was sure that he was waving at Steve.

"Bye." She heard his father answer behind them, his voice almost a whisper.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Naturally Natasha couldn't sleep that night, the shock on Steve's face still on her mind. He'd looked so sad, when he'd realized who James was to him.

She got James ready for the daycare the next morning, called Darcy to let her know that she wasn't coming into the office today, and asked Laura to pick up James later in the day. She had no idea how long her talk with Steve was going to be. Hell, she didn't even really know_ what_ to say.

Y_eah, turns out that I was pregnant and you missed the first two years of your son's life. And he has no idea who you are._

Maybe she should work on that. James was babbling about something while they walked to his daycare, but Natasha was barely listening. She was so fucking nervous.

She'd love to talk with Bucky about everything, but he was on a mission somewhere in East Asia. She would have do to this alone. She briefly wondered if she should bring something like coffee or muffins, but she figured that Steve's stomach wouldn't be able to keep anything as well.

She probably gave the cabbie way too much money, but she didn't care right now. She got out of the cab and took a deep breath.

Now or never.

She rang Sam's doorbell and Steve immediately buzzed her in. Looked like he had been waiting for her.

Steve was already in the doorway when she arrived at Sam's apartment, giving her a nervous smile.

"Hi."

She nodded politely. "Hey."

"Please, come in." He stepped aside to let her in.

God, this was so awkward. She wanted to turn around and run away, but she couldn't. She was here to get James a father.

"I-" Steve began when they reached Sam's living room, but she held her hand up to stop him.

"You're going to tell me everything about why you went back before we'll talk about James." She took a deep breath and decided to ignore the crestfallen look on Steve's face. She knew that he wanted to talk about their son, but she had to protect her sweet boy. "And I'll only tell you about him once I know that you'll never leave again. I won't introduce you to him if there's even a slight chance that you'll abandon him."

"I'd never-" She gave him a pointed look and he stopped. They both knew that he'd abandoned them before. "I...Okay. I guess that's fair."

He asked her if she wanted a coffee or anything else, but she declined. She sat down on the couch while he took a seat on the armchair. Good thing that he'd sensed that she didn't want to sit next to him.

He gave her a pained look, sighing deeply.

"When I woke up here...I thought I lost the life that I was _supposed_ to have. Everything was different here and I would have done _anything_ to go back. Anything, Nat. I tried to adapt, threw myself into work, but a part of me was always angry about the future that I've lost. That I gave up my future with Peggy." He smiled sadly. "I thought she was the love of my life. I thought so for a very long time. And there was suddenly this chance to go back and I...then I saw Peggy in the seventies. And it was...it was a shock to see her and I saw that photo of me on her desk and I thought that she missed me. That she was mourning the life we could have had to together."

"Keep going." She said emotionless. She got that he'd wanted a life with her, but couldn't he have at least talked with them about it?

"Now I think that photo is on her desk to remind her of what SHIELD is supposed to be about."

He seemed like he was shaking his head at himself. "I saw the photo and hoped that there would be a chance to go back for one dance with her. So we could get both closure. I know that she had a good life and I didn't want to change that for her. But then everything else happened. Clint...Tony."

He blinked his tears away and Natasha tried to ignore her own pain. She missed them a lot. "There was this one chance to go back in time and I just took it. I wanted to have the life that was taken from me. I didn't really think, I just did it. I knew that Bucky would know what I was about to do and I hoped that he would understand it. I didn't tell anyone else, because I knew that I wouldn't go through with it otherwise. I got back and realized a lot of things. Peggy and I weren't meant to be together. I didn't really know her. I always thought that her favorite color was red-" He laughed humorlessly. "It's actually green. It reminds her of home."

"So you left. Again."

He looked hurt, but it was the truth, wasn't it?

"I wasn't happy and neither was she. I was holding her back and...Daniel is a really good guy. They are a great fit." He looked at the ceiling. "A first love isn't always your great love, I know that now. Peggy was the first woman who ever looked at me without pity in her eyes. And I think I was the first guy who treated her as an equal. And then we never got to see where things could have gotten...It wouldn't have worked even if I'd never gone under. We both know that now."

"I'm sorry." She suddenly blurted out. Where was that coming from? "That couldn't have been easy."

"Actually it was. I finally had clarity. I could let go. Move on. Go _home_. I missed you all so much." Hurt flashed over his face. "I shouldn't have left without saying goodbye. But I knew that I wouldn't have never left if I'd talked to _you._ Now I know why. I realized a lot while I was gone. I missed you the most, Nat. I thought about you every day. I was looking for something. I didn't realize it was right in front of my eyes-"

"I deserved a goodbye! I thought you didn't care about us. About me!" She yelled at him, interrupting him. All her anger was coming back to the surface. "You just left me after everything that we've been through! I thought we were your family!"

"You are. I made a mistake! I know that I fucked up and I am truly sorry. I shouldn't have left without talking to you. Hell, I shouldn't have left you. I made a terrible mistake. Everything I needed was right there, but I was too stubborn to realize it." A tear was falling down his cheek. "And now with...our son...I should have stayed."

"I was so hurt, Steve. Once I realized that you wouldn't come back...I was crushed. First Clint and Tony...and then you..." She trailed off, not looking at him.

"Did you know..." He stopped himself.

"That I was pregnant when you left?" She finished for him. "No, I didn't. I found out about three weeks later. I didn't even realize it. Laura picked up on the signs and made me do a test. And then another one. And another one. Since it was impossible."

"I'm sorry, Nat. I should have been there."

"Yes, you should have." She snapped and Steve looked like he got slapped, but she didn't care. He would never be able to understand what she had been through. "You weren't. But Bucky was. _Is_."

"You named him after Bucky?"

"Yes, I named him after my best friend." She answered and Steve's lips trembled. "He was there for me from the moment he heard about my pregnancy. He has been my rock. And James adores him. They're best friends."

Steve's eyes were shining and he looked like he wanted to say something, but he shook his head.

"Tell me about him, _please_. Tell me about James. I promise you that I will always be there for him from now on. You don't know how it is to know that I left behind my child. That I already missed so much. I want to get to know him. I want to be his father, Nat. I really do. I will never leave you again. And James. I will never leave my family again."

"James doesn't know about you."

Steve's face fell.

"I don't think he even knows what a father is. He only ever had a mama. And Uncle Bucky. And his other aunts and uncles."

"I can be Uncle Steve for now?" He offered, but she could see that it wasn't what he wanted.

She didn't really want to talk about Steve's role in James's life right now. "We have a cat. Liho. James loves her. They're pals. He uses her as his pillow when he naps."

He smiled at that. "So you have a cat and a dog?"

"Huh? Oh, you mean Lucky! No, that Laura's dog! James loves him, but he's more of a cat person."

"Can you tell me more about him?" He asked softly. "Please?"

"He hates peas, but loves broccoli. He's obsessed with Paw Patrol. It's a kids show." She explained when Steve gave her a confused look. "He's very sweet. And so curious about everything. He loves to jump into puddles." She smiled a little in Steve's presence for the first time. "He's really good at drawing. Even as a toddler."

"He is?" Steve whispered in awe.

"Yes, he loves it. I have tons of his drawings. I could... give you some if you want."

He nodded eagerly. "Yes, that would be great. Thank you!"

"Look, I don't know when you'll meet James. I have to think what's best for him. I have to protect him. I don't want you to break his heart."

"I won't, Nat. I'm staying."

"You say that now-"

"I mean it. Like I said, I was looking for something. I thought I'd lost it a long time ago, but I didn't. I don't have to look for it anymore. Nothing is missing."

"And you found it?"

His face softened and she couldn't read his expression. He'd never had that look before. "Yeah. And now I found James as well. Everything I want and need is here."

She didn't know what was happening inside of her right now, but she believed him.

"You could come over on Saturday. I was planning to make something with James for Laura's birthday. You could help us if you want."

There were still so many things that she and Steve had to talk about, maybe even with a therapist, but she wanted James to have as many childhood memories with his father as possible. And they had to start somewhere.

Steve's whole face lit up. "Really? I'd love to."

"I'll tell James that you're a family friend and we'll go from there, okay?"

"Okay, yes!" He smiled, but it vanished quickly. "I am really sorry that I left you and James. I will never forgive myself for that. I can see what a great mother you are and James seems like a happy child. There's no one else I would rather have a child with, Nat. I want you to know that. I'm very happy about James. And I hope that you, James, and me will be a family one day."

Natasha didn't know what to say. She looked at her watch. She could pick up James herself from daycare if she left now.

"I should go." She got off the couch. "I'll text you the details for Saturday? Pepper gave me your number."

"Oh okay, yes, thank you." He stood up and walked her to the door. He smiled down at her. It had always bothered her that she had to look up at him. Well, it bothered her that most people were taller than her. Natasha was a very proud person.

"Thank you for coming by, Nat. It...I missed you like crazy, you don't even know. And I can't wait to spend the day with you and James."

"Uh..." Steve was throwing her off her game. What did that mean, he'd missed her like crazy? "See you on Saturday. Bye!"

Steve moved in to hug her but she stepped back. They were definitely not there yet. "Sorry. Have a good day, Nat."

Natasha texted Laura that she didn't have to get James and took the subway to get back to Manhattan. James was a bit fuzzy when she picked him up and she feared that he was getting sick. No mother wanted her child to get sick, seeing her baby in pain was the worst thing in the world.

She made him chicken soup from scratch and checked his temperature regularly and it thankfully didn't raise. Maybe it just wasn't his day today. She tucked him in and Liho curled herself around him and they both fell asleep.

She wanted to call Bucky to talk about her day, but he was still on a mission and she didn't really want to talk to anyone else. Not even Laura. The only one who could truly understand her was Bucky.

She sighed and turned on Netflix to distract herself, cursing when Paw Patrol was on the screen. She was about to text Steve her address so he would know where he had to be on Saturday, but James yelled for her and she dropped her phone onto the couch.

"Mama, firsty! Soooo firsty!" He yelled and she checked his forehead. Shit, her baby was burning up! She checked his temperature and he had a fever. Fuck! She gave him his sippy cup to keep him hydrated. She wrapped him into a blanket, grabbed phone and keys, and ran with James in her arms into the underground car park to get the car they barely used.

She drove to HQ and ran straight to the infirmary. James was crying and she was yelling at the first nurse to get Dr. Cho. She didn't trust any civilian doctors and James had been treated at SHIELD since his birth. Fury had sworn on his mother's grave that James would be safe here.

Helen ushered them into a room and got immediately to work. She knew that Natasha wasn't a fan of small talk. She was pacing through the room while Helen took care of James. He was still crying, but he wasn't screaming anymore.

"It's just a cold, Natasha." Helen said with a smile while trying to give James medicine at the same time. Which he was trying to fight off. "I'm giving him something to get his fever down. The serums are fighting the cold that's why he has a fever. He should be completely cold-free in two or three days. Don't worry."

"Oh, thank God!" She plumped down on a chair, causing James to laugh and Helen used the chance to get the medicine into his mouth.

The door suddenly flew open with such a force that the wall behind it cracked. "Natasha!" Steve yelled, running into the room. "I just heard! Are you two okay?"

"Uh..." She just stared at Steve, barely noticing that Helen quietly left the room. "Uh, yes. He has a fever. Well, a cold. It will be gone soon. I probably overreacted." She admitted with pink cheeks. She knew that James couldn't seriously get sick because of Steve's serum, but she had still completely freaked out.

"I'm sure you didn't." He smiled softly. "I was here talking to Rhodey when I heard that you guys are here."

She only realized now that James and Steve were in the same room and she looked over to her son who... was asleep. Curled around his blanket, oblivious to what was happening.

"I... I should get him home." She whispered, looking at Steve whose eyes were on James. She had never seen him like this. Was this the way she looked at James? "Do you want...do you want to carry him to the car?"

"Can I?"

She nodded and watched how Steve carefully lifted their son up. James snuggled against his chest and Natasha's heart swelled at the sight. Steve looked down at James with tears in his eyes. "He's so little."

"Yeah."

"He's perfect." He breathed in awe.

They walked to the car in silence. She helped Steve get a sleeping James into his car seat and she gave him a few moments to look at his son.

"Thank you." His voice was hoarse and she simply nodded. "Goodnight, Nat."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Natasha figured that Steve would want to know that James's cold was gone. And she still had to tell him her address so he could come over on Saturday.

She used her lunch break to send Steve a text, telling him that James was fine and where they lived. She was about to eat her Cesar salad, when her phone started ringing.

_Steve._

She was tempted to ignore his call, but she knew that she shouldn't. She had to be a grown up for James. She picked up her phone to answer his call.

"Yes?"

"Hi. Thank you for telling me. So... James didn't get the serum? Has he...my illnesses?" He asked quietly.

"No, he got both our serums, Steve." She said softly. "Don't worry. He's perfectly healthy."

She heard him sigh in relief, only realizing now how much of a burden that must have been on him. "They're just not fully developed. They'll grow with him, that's how Helen explained it to me. I'm kind of glad that my toddler doesn't have super strength."

He chuckled. "Yeah, that would sound like a lot of work. I just...I wouldn't want James to go through that...or you. My mom worried a lot about me."

"James only gets a cold from time to time. Like every other kid." She explained to him. "And he had colic has a baby. Helen assured me that he couldn't get a serous disease."

"That's good." He breathed out. "And thank you again for letting me come over on Saturday. I...I can't wait to see you two again."

She ignored her nerves. "I'm sure you'll overthink that once James has forced you to watch Paw Patrol with him."

"No, I think I'd love it. Should I bring anything? What does James like? I want to get him something."

"Just bring yourself, Steve. A new friend will already be the highlight of his day."

"Okay." She could hear the smile in his voice. "I'll see you soon. I can't wait, Nat."

Well,_ she_ actually could, but she wasn't going to tell him that "See you on Saturday."

* * *

Liho greeted Natasha when she got home from work. The cat rubbed herself against her legs until she had enough and trotted back to her usual spot on the couch.

Natasha kicked her heels off and got out of her trench coat, going straight to her bedroom to change into sweater and yoga pants. Work had been quite stressful today with the fundraiser only two weeks away and Natasha wanted everything to be perfect. To honor Clint's memory and to collect a lot of money to help kids in need.

She checked the time on her phone, happily noticing that she still had more than over an hour until Bucky would come to drop off James. He was back from his mission so he could pick up James from daycare like he did every Thursday when he was in town. She decided to take a long and hot shower and she even had time to do a hair and face mask.

Bucky let himself in with the key he had and James immediately ran to her and she knelt down to pick him up. He wrapped his little arms around her neck and she was overwhelmed with her love for him.

"Hi, mama!"

She pressed a kiss to his temple. "Hi, my baby. Did you have fun with Uncle Bucky?"

"Yeees!" He squealed and he got fussy so she let him down. Liho was already by James's side and they ran to his room.

"Hi." Bucky greeted her with a warm hug. "How are you?"

"Good. I'm glad you came back in one piece." She smiled and kissed his cheek. "Are you gonna stay for dinner?"

"Of course."

"I have a lasagna in the fridge. It should be ready in an hour." She told him and Bucky licked his lips, making her laugh.

Natasha Romanoff was now that person who did meal prep on a Sunday night, so her son would have homemade food during the week. Yeah, she would have never seen that coming as well.

"Hm, sounds great." He smiled at her. "Your hair looks shiny."

"Thanks." She laughed. "It should be, the mask cost me 30 bucks."

"Jesus, I don't think I will ever get over how expensive everything is nowadays. My sister used mayo on her hair, I think."

"Yeah, Steve had the same reactions in the beginning." The words left her mouth before she could stop herself.

Bucky raised an eyebrow. "Speaking of him. Did-"

"Mama! Cuddles!" James yelled from his room. "Want cuddles!"

"Later. We'll talk later." She gave him an excusing smile. She really wanted to talk with Bucky about everything that had happened lately. "James wants his cuddles."

James was with Liho in his little yurt and she got him out of it, because there was no way that she was squeezing herself into it, especially when he yelled for Bucky as well.

They ended up on the couch with James lying on her chest while Bucky told them a story. She knew that he'd always made up stories for his little sister when they had been kids and Natasha was touched that he now did the same with James.

Natasha tucked James into bed after dinner, singing him to until he fell sleep. She kissed his forehead, patted Liho who was in her usual spot next to James, and checked the baby phone before she left the room.

Bucky had already cleaned up when she came into the kitchen. "Thank you, you didn't have to do this."

"You cooked, so I cleaned up." He smiled at her. "So, I heard you talked with Steve?"

"Yeah." She sat down at the kitchen table, accepting the beer bottle Bucky was offering her. "Thanks."

He joined her with a beer of his own. "And he knows about James. How are you feeling?"

"Relieved, I think. One less thing I have to stress about." She told him about her talk with Steve and that he'd been at SHIELD when she'd taken a sick James there to have Helen have a look at him. "I'm nervous when I think about them properly meeting. What if it goes wrong? What if James doesn't like his father? What if Steve thinks I'm a terrible mother and he's gonna take my baby away from me?"

"You're a great mom, Nat. And Steve would never do that, you know that."

"Yeah, I know. I just don't wanna do anything wrong."

"You won't. You'll trust your maternal instincts. I think it's great that he and James are gonna spend an afternoon together. And they're gonna get along perfectly because they are so similar." Bucky took a sip from his beer. "And how was it to see him again?"

"Weird. I'm glad that he's back, but it's just weird. So much has changed and I...I feel different. We're both different people. I'm a mother. And he's now a parent, too. It's just..."

"Weird?" Bucky suggested with a smile. "I know. It is weird. But it won't feel like that forever. The dynamics are different and we all have to get used to it. Our lives are different. Steve's the only one who's kinda stuck in a loop."

"Yeah, and there's still so much we have to talk about." Natasha gulped her beer down, hoping it would help her relax. She had been on the edge ever since she'd heard that Steve had come back and now with him and James meeting...

"Do you know when you'll tell James about who Steve truly is?"

"I think they should spend time together. Get to know each other. I won't say anything until I can see that they have a relationship." She thought that this was the best way. "Steve seems to agree."

"Sounds good." He said with a nod, but he looked like he wanted to say more.

"What?"

"Well, I'm not sure if you want to hear it, but-" Bucky sighed. "Steve talks a lot about you and James. He has all kinds of questions. Sam's already a little annoyed. I've never seen Steve like this. He's really happy about James. And heartbroken that he left you and him behind. I think that's the biggest regret of his life."

She didn't say anything. What could she? This was something that would always hover above them. How would James deal with it, once he was older and understood more? Would James get abandonment issues?

"Steve will never leave again." Bucky said, interrupting her train of thoughts. "He's committed to you and James. I don't think you understand how much you mean to Steve. You always have."

"It wasn't enough for him to stay." She scoffed. "None of us have meant enough to him."

"Steve can sometimes be pretty stupid. What he was looking for, had been right in front of him this whole time. He just had to lose it to realize it." Bucky said softly. "He will never leave you again, Nat."

* * *

Natasha spent Saturday morning with James at the playground so he could power himself out. Otherwise he would be too energetic to spend the afternoon inside, let alone crafting something for Laura. She'd bought a few things at the craft store so James could be creative, but she also got Laura a beautiful cashmere sweater and a bracelet.

James was currently drawing Laura's birthday card at the dining table while Natasha was staring at the clock on the living room wall. Steve would be here soon. God, she'd never been so nervous before. She hoped that James and Steve would get along. And she hoped that Steve wasn't going to say anything that would make James wonder who he was.

She watched how James drew the Barton family with a concentrated look on his face. God, he really looked like his father. He just looked like Steve when he'd planned their missions.

A knock on the door made her jump. Steve was five minutes early. James didn't seem to hear the knock, he was still focused on his drawing.

She took a deep breath, smoothed her sweater, and walked to the door. She could do this. She opened her door and Steve greeted her with a nervous smile.

"Hi, Nat."

"Hey."

"Thank you so much for inviting me. Um...I got you chocolate. I hope you still like them." Steve opened his messenger bag and handed her a box of her favorite kind of chocolate truffles.

"I do, thank you."

He seemed relieved. "And I got James a toy. You mentioned that he liked Paw Patrol, right?"

She took a look at Steve's gift. "He already got that one. Happy got him one last Christmas."

"Oh." Steve's face fell and Natasha couldn't help but feel bad for him.

"It's okay. You couldn't know. You can still give it to James. Later though, after we're done with Laura's gift."

"Okay." Steve bit his lip nervously. "Can I see him now?"

"Of course. Follow me."

Steve hung his leather jacket on her wardrobe and then followed her into the living room.

"James?" Her, no, _their_ son looked up from his drawing. "This is my friend Steve. He was... out of town for some time, but he's back now. And he really wants to meet you."

"Hi." Steve breathed out, his voice full of emotions.

"Know you! Park!" James said and continued to draw.

"That's right, sweetie." She sat down next to James and motioned for Steve to take a seat on the other side of the table. "Steve w- is one of my best friends. I'm sure you two we'll be good friends as well."

James looked at Steve. "Hello, Steeb!"

"Hi." Steve smiled warmly. "What are you drawing?"

"Bartons. Wanna see?" He asked and shoved the card over the table excitedly when Steve nodded. "That Auntie Laura, and that Coop, Lila and Nate. And that Lucky!" He pointed at the drawing of the dog. "My friend!"

"Wow, that's really good!"

James beamed happily. "See more?" He turned to look at her. "Mama!"

She chuckled. "Yeah, I know. I hope you brought a lot of time, Steve." She stood up and got to her office to get a box with James's art.

She came back to find Steve drawing something for James who looked at the paper with pure fascination. Natasha's eyes filled with tears and she blinked them away.

"There you go, baby." She put the box on the table and James immediately knocked it open, happy to have someone new to show his drawings. Steve listened to him in a fond and interested way only a parent could.

Natasha didn't miss the hurt on Steve's face when James showed him the drawings of his family. It only showed James, Liho and her. And sometimes Bucky and the others. But not Steve. Of course not. James had no idea who he was.

Steve helped James glue stones and pearls on a little jewelry box for Laura's new bracelet. And it looked really good, Natasha had to admit with envy. So good that she wanted to keep it herself. This was the first thing Steve and James had done together. It had a lot of emotional value.

Steve whispered something into James's ear and he nodded eagerly. He held the box up. "For you, Mama!"

"What? No, baby. That's for your aunt." She said, but she _really_ wanted it.

"We have enough to make another one." Steve took the box from James's hands and handed it to her. "You should have it."

"Yes, mama!" James quipped. "Pretty box for pretty mama!"

She laughed and accepted the box. "Thank you. I love it."

Steve smiled at her and she realized that he'd seen that she wanted it for herself. "Okay, so now let's make one for your aunt!"

The box for Laura turned out to be pretty as well, but it wasn't as beautiful as Natasha's. James babbled happily with Steve while they worked together and Natasha noticed with much amusement that Steve sometimes had problems to understand James.

James got cranky and Natasha decided that it was time for his afternoon nap. He wasn't happy about it because he wanted to talk more to his new friend and Natasha was glad that James seemed to like Steve.

"It's okay, buddy." Steve smiled down at James. "We'll talk more another time."

"Pwromise?"

"I promise."

She put James down for his nap and she found Steve looking at the family photos on the living room wall when she came back. She walked over to him.

"He had your hair."

"Yeah." She chuckled, looking at a baby photo of James. "Now it's turning into yours."

She watched Steve gaze longingly at the photos. He'd already missed so much. She couldn't imagine how that had to feel like. She left his side to get to the sideboard where she kept the family albums. Steve didn't seem to notice what she was doing, he was still looking at the photos like he was in trance. She selected a few pictures of James and walked back to him.

"Here. You should have these."

He looked over to her and then at the photos in her hand. "I...Are you sure?"

"Yes. He is your son, too."

"Thank you, Nat." He breathed and took the photos from her. "Oh no, I forgot to give James his gift!"

"You can give it him another time."

"So I can see him again?"

She nodded. "Of course, you can. I want you two to have a relationship."

"What about us?" He asked and he looked at her in a way that made her heart beat faster.

"It's gonna take time until we're friends again." She managed to get out. Why was she feeling so weird right now?

"Friends, right." He said, sounding a little disappointed. "But one day we could be more?"

"More?" She asked perplexed. What was he talking about?

"I mean, one day, can we be a family? You, James and me?" He asked with pink cheeks. "Mother, father and son."

Natasha couldn't shake the feeling that he didn't say everything that was on his mind right now. "We'll always be connected because of James. We are a family because of James. We're just not there yet."

Steve looked at the photos and then at her. "You...and James...you're...There's so much I want to tell you, Nat. But we're not there yet. You're right about that. But you and James...you're the best thing that ever happened to me."

The intensity in Steve's eyes made her pulse race. Did he really mean that? Could he be happy here? James needed a father who would be there for him one hundred percent and not a father who longed after the past.

"When can I see you two again?"

"I was thinking about visiting Pepper's estate in the Hamptons tomorrow." She blurted out before she could stop herself. "She and Morgan spend a lot of their weekends there. They have ponies, goats and chickens. James loves it there. You can join us if you want to."

"Of course, I want to, Nat."

"Okay." She said simply, wondering why the hell she'd just invited him. Did she really want to spend hours in a car, let alone spend _an entire day_ with him?

Things were still awkward between them. There were so many things to talk about, but she figured they had to start somewhere. And James would love to show his new friend around. She could tell that James liked Steve a lot which was good.

Steve smiled at her so happily that she decided that she'd made the right call. James had the same smile. And she loved that smile.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"What were his first words?" Steve asked while she focused on the rode, driving them up to the Hamptons.

James was in the back, sleeping in his car seat, and Steve was asking her all kinds of questions about their child.

"Liho." She said with a smile. "Although it sounded more like Lilloo. His second word was Mama."

Natasha saw out of the corner of her eye that Steve was turning around to look at James. "I can't believe that he exists. I never thought that I would have a child one day."

"Never? Not even... when you thought you and Peggy would get a second chance?"

"No, not really." He shook his head. "Kids were never really on my mind. But now that I have a kid...it's the greatest thing in the world. I..." He stopped himself.

"Yes?"

"Well, I know I have no right to ask...But how did you feel when you found out? I mean having him should be impossible."

She looked at the road in front of them. The leaves were changing, turning from green to yellow and red. Fall was her favorite season. James's birthday was around the corner.

She thought about her pregnancy and his birth. "I was shocked. Kind of in denial. I was terrified and I just wanted Clint back." She fought against the tears. "I wanted to talk to him." She didn't tell Steve that she'd wanted to talk to him, too. "But then I heard James's heartbeat for the first time and I knew that I could be someone's mother. I knew it wouldn't be easier, but this was my chance at a family of my own. My own little family."

"I know nothing I say will undone what I did, but I'm truly sorry that I left you."

"Would you-"

"Yes?" She didn't say anything. "Nat?"

"Would you...would have stayed if you'd known about the baby?" That question had been on her mind for a very long time.

"Of course." He said softly and she looked at him. "Of course, I would have stayed with you and the baby. And I would have never looked back. Maybe I would have sooner known what I really wanted. Who I really wanted-"

"Mama, dere yet?" James asked, apparently having woken up. He had been very excited when she'd told him this morning about the trip and who was coming with them.

"Almost, baby."

James clapped happily and told his new friend all about the animals that he was going to play with. Steve listened with a smile on his face and asked him questions.

"Pony, pony, pony! Socks!" He yelled, waving at the pony, when they drove by the field that belonged to Pepper's estate. Socks was James's favorite pony since it was the only one he was allowed to ride on. It was a Shetland pony and Natasha had decided that it wasn't too big for her baby. Pepper had other horses as well and maybe Steve could watch James so that she could horseback riding herself for an hour or so.

"Wow, it's beautiful here." Steve acknowledged while they got out of the car.

"Yes, it really is." She loved this place. Morgan could have a beautiful childhood here and Natasha knew that Pepper had bought this place for her daughter. It was its own little world away from their hectic lives.

James was smiling brightly when she got him out of his seat and sat him down on the ground.

"Hey, you're here!" Pepper stood on the veranda of her mansion, looking impeccable as always.

"Auntie Peps!" James squealed and ran over to her as fast as his little feet carried him.

She laughed and picked him up when he reached her. "Hello, James!" She kissed his head and let him down so he could greet Morgan who appeared behind her mother.

Natasha and Steve greeted Pepper and Morgan as well, and the kids took off since Morgan wanted to show James the two baby goats that had been born since their last visit.

Pepper offered them coffee and Steve thanked her for having him. Natasha had called Pepper yesterday to tell her that she and James were coming as well as Steve. Pepper hadn't said anything when they had been on the phone, but Natasha could tell that she wanted to talk to her about it, judging by the way she was watching Steve.

"Steeb, Steeb!" James came running into the kitchen with Morgan in tow. "Show you Socks. Now?"

"Do you wanna see the ponies, Steve?" Morgan asked him and Natasha didn't fail to notice that she didn't call him uncle.

"I love to!" He stood up from his chair and followed them out of the kitchen, after he excused himself.

Pepper waited with her interrogation until they heard the front door close, wanting to know everything that had happened since they'd run into Steve in the park.

Natasha answered every of her questions, but she was starting to get tired of the whole thing. She'd already talked with Bucky and Laura about everything and it was getting exhausting.

"I have to say that I'm impressed with you, Nat. I don't think I would handle it as well as you're doing. You're a great mother."

"Thank you." Natasha said with warm cheeks, feeling guilty about what she'd just thought. Pepper was her friend and she just wanted to help her.

"James really seems to like Steve."

"Yeah, he does." She smiled. "That's a relief. And Steve is interested in everything that concerns James."

"I think he'll be a good dad."

Natasha nodded. "I think so too."

"A little change of topic-" Pepper refilled their coffee mugs. "Have you thought about reintroducing Steve at your fundraiser? The foundation could use the publicity. Every news outlet in the world will over Captain America's return."

"Fury called me with the idea."

She took a sip from the coffee. SHIELD wanted to run the story that Steve had lost his memory during the battle and it had taken until now to come back. They wanted to spin some story about him almost drowning in the lake and waking up on a shore without his memories. Natasha honestly didn't have a better idea and they couldn't tell the world the truth after saying that he'd died during the battle.

The foundation would get a lot of attention and hopefully donations. "I'm going to talk with Steve about it." Natasha said eventually and Pepper nodded.

Pepper looked like she wanted to say more, but Natasha jumped out off her chair when she heard James crying in the distance. She knew that cry, he was in pain. She ran out of the house and Steve was coming towards them with James in his arms who was fighting to get out of his arms.

"No, no! Want mommy! Want my mommy! Mommy! Not you!" She had to ignore the hurt look on Steve's face, James was her priority. He was always her priority.

She ran towards them. "James, what's wrong?" She yelled, panic strong in her voice.

"Mommy!" James started to cry again when he saw her. "Moooommy!"

"I'm here, baby." She took James from Steve. "What's wrong? Where are you hurt?"

"He cut his hand on a nail." Steve was as pale as a ghost. "I'm so sorry, Nat. I wasn't looking for one second and then he was screaming."

She made James open his hand and she saw that he had a little wound on his palm, but the bleeding had already stopped. "It's okay, Steve." She gave him a quick smile. "These things happen. Let's get him inside to clean his wound."

Steve nodded. "I'm really sorry."

"I know, but it's really okay. Kids are curious and sometimes they get hurt. It will probably be healed by tomorrow. The shock is bigger than the pain." She kissed James's cheek and he cuddled closer to her. "You did nothing wrong, Steve."

She walked back into the house where Pepper was already waiting with a first aid kit. She nodded a thanks to her friend and Pepper left to check on her daughter.

Natasha sat down on a kitchen chair with James in her lap. He was still silently crying, but she was sure that he was more shocked than in actual pain. The serums gave him a higher pain tolerance. She brushed his tears away and kissed his forehead.

"It's okay, sweetheart. It's just a scratch. I'll clean it and we'll put a band aid on it, okay?"

"Kiss better?" James asked with big eyes.

"Of course, baby."

Steve knelt down beside them and rubbed James's back. "I'm sorry, pal. I should have seen the nail sticking out of the fence."

"Not fault." James mumbled while Natasha cleaned his wound.

New tears were spilling out of his eyes and Natasha hated it, but she had to clean it. "I know it stings, baby. I'm sorry." She found a band aid with a dog on it and pressed it gently onto his palm and then kissed it softly. "Tomorrow it will be almost gone."

James nodded and buried his face in her neck. She felt his warm breath on her skin and kissed the top of his head. "Luv you, mama."

"I love you, too." She smiled and then looked at Steve who was still kneeling next to them. Guilt was written all over his face. "Hey, it's okay, Steve. Those things just happens. It wasn't your fault."

"I was just so...when I heard him scream...I thought I was going to die. I don't want him to get hurt."

"I know." They shared a look that she only had seen other parents share. She wasn't alone in this anymore. Steve would take care of James, he cared about him. He probably already loved him, how could he not? "Have you shown Steve the beach yet, James?"

"No." He mumbled against her neck.

"Do you want to?"

James moved his head to look at Steve and then at her. "Yes! Sannacastle!"

"Sandcastle, baby." She corrected him and Steve looked more relaxed now that James seemed okay. "That's kids for you. One minute the world ends and then everything is okay again."

She helped James get down and he ran out of the kitchen, probably to find shovels and a bucket.

"Yeah..." He looked like he was lost in thought. "There's still so much to learn...I bought a few books, but..."

"I know. I read every available pregnancy and parenting book while I was pregnant and then forgot everything when he was born. It's mostly instinct and intuition, I think. You'll be fine." She grabbed her leather jacket from the back of the chair. "I'll leave Pepper a note so she knows where we are and then we can go."

James had forgotten all about his wound by the time they reached the beach. He was having the time of his life, chasing seagulls, and then he discovered that Steve was strong and could throw him into the air and catch him effortlessly. She watched them with a smile on her face. She was happy that James was having his first real moments with his father and Steve looked equally happy.

"Mama!" James shrieked happily when Steve tossed him into the air again.

"I can see you, baby!"

"Okay, okay, buddy. I'm getting tired." Steve said, but Natasha knew that it wasn't true. "Let's build a sandcastle with your mama, okay?"

"Okay!" James ran over to her and hugged her legs. "Hi, mama. Steeb cool!"

"Ha, you're probably the first one to think so!" She smirked at Steve.

"_Hey_!"

She laughed and helped James find the perfect spot for their sandcastle. It felt foreign to build a sandcastle with Steve, it was the first activity the three of them did together, but it was also...nice. They felt in that moment like a family. They decorated the sandcastle with seashells and Natasha took a lot of pictures of it.

James wanted to have a photo of the three of them and after a brief awkward silence, she held up James against her chest, moved to stand in front of Steve and he took a selfie of them.

She looked at the photo. This was the first picture of James with both of his parents. They looked happy together in that moment. She looked at Steve who was kneeling down and talking to their son. She changed the home screen of her phone and sent Steve the picture. He had to have it, too.

They had hot chocolate with Pepper and Morgan when they came back to the house and soon it was time for them to return to the city.

James was asleep in his car seat while she drove the three of them back to New York.

"Thank you so much for letting me come with you. I had such a great time."

"James had a blast as well. I'm...I'm glad that you came with us." She admitted, thankful that she had to keep her eyes on the road and didn't have to look at Steve.

"I know it's a lot to ask, but I want us to spend more time together. The three of us." Steve said carefully like he was scared that she would say no.

"You're right. James enjoys to spend time with you and he should have moments with both his parents."

"Thank you. I promise I will do whatever you tell me do to."

"Captain America willing to follow orders?" She joked, hoping to ease the tension.

"I'd follow you any day, Nat." She heard him take a deep breath. "Fury probably already talked with you about my reintroduction to the world...I would do it his way if that's okay with you. I'll only do it if that's what you want."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It's your foundation and your fundraiser...I get it if you don't want me there and I wouldn't want to take any attention away from the cause. From Clint's memory."

"I think you should do it." She said, surprising probably both of them. "This way we can control the narrative and it would get a lot of media coverage. Hopefully we'll get a lot of donations out of it. Are you sure you want to tell the world Fury's cover up story?"

"That I woke up on a shore somewhere without any memories and wandered around like that for two years?" He chuckled darkly. "It's my own fault and I...this version causes less problems for everyone. I don't like lying, but in this case it's necessary. I don't want to cause any trouble for the Avengers and SHIELD. And especially not for you. I know that the public trusts and respects you. I don't want to take that away from you. Tell me what to do and I'll do it."

"We'll release a statement and you show up at the fundraiser for a photo op and maybe say a few words." She decided and she could see Steve nodding out the corner of her eyes.

"I hate that part of the job, but I know it's the right way to do it."

She remembered. Steve had always hated the public part of being an Avenger, he despised press conferences and interviews.

"Don't worry. Bucky will probably be there as well. He's usually my plus one to those kinda things." She said to cheer him up, but by the look on his face it was the wrong thing to say.

_Why_? Bucky was Steve's best friend, why wouldn't he want him there? Bucky had always had his back. Had something happened? She had the feeling that it had something to do with her or James, but that was silly, right?


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"Mama, pretty Mama!" James was sitting on the bed, beaming at Natasha when she came out of the bathroom.

"Thank you, baby!" She smiled at him and he grinned happily back.

Tonight was the fundraiser and she and James were at Pepper's because Happy would babysit Morgan and James. And it was closer to the Plaza than Natasha's apartment.

She had chosen a simple black silk gown that clung nicely to her body, but was still appropriate for a charity event.

Natasha knew that she was beautiful, it had been the reason the Red Room had snatched her when she had been a young girl, but she'd never cared about her looks. But she did feel good when James babbled that she was so pretty and wanted kisses.

Well, she could report that the 20$ lipstick didn't stain toddler cheeks. She heaved James onto her hip and walked with him downstairs where Happy and Morgan were playing a game. She let her son down so he could join them.

Pepper came down the stairs in a beautiful green dress while the door bell rang. She went to open it since she was pretty sure she knew who it was.

"You look great, Nat!" Bucky greeted her with a big smile and a kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you. You look quiet dapper yourself, Barnes!"

Bucky gave her a grin and walked into the house and said hello to James and Morgan.

Morgan, who'd inherited her father's intelligence and curiosity, played with his bionic hand, asking him all kinds of questions that Bucky answered patiently. James told his uncle all about the squirrel he'd seen today and Natasha watched the scene with a smile on her face. Bucky was really good with kids. She hoped that he would have a family of his own one day.

Pepper had to deal with something SI related and told them that she would meet them later at the fundraiser. They said goodbye to James, and Natasha knew that she would see her son again in only a few hours but she would still miss him.

"Nervous?" He asked gently when they were in the town car.

"No. Yes. A little bit." She leaned back against the car seat with a sigh. "I just want everything to go smoothly. Have you talked to Steve?"

"Not recently. He's..." Bucky shook his head. "He's busy. Fury wants to give him a team and he's trying to find the right people."

"He's probably dreading tonight."

SHIELD had released a statement this morning about Steve's whereabouts and the whole world was freaking out that Captain America was still alive. She knew that Steve would have a problem with telling SHIELD's version, but that was just something he had to go through.

"Well, you know him. But he'll do it. For you." Bucky gave her a brief smile. "He would anything to protect you and your reputation. The world finally shows you the respect that you deserve."

She had been meaning to ask Bucky if anything had happened between him and Steve since Steve always had a set jaw when she or James mentioned him, but she hadn't found the time yet. They had been both busy with work. Seemed like now wasn't the right time as well since they arrived at the Plaza.

Steve was standing at the bar with a drink in his hand and Darcy was talking to him with a clipboard in her hand, probably going over his brief statement that he was going to give, when she and Bucky walked into the ball room.

Only her staff and the people from the catering company were here, but soon the room would be filled with people with big wallets. So many had tried to get a last minute invite to get a glimpse at Captain America.

"Let's go over to Steve and say hi." Natasha told Bucky after he'd handed the girl at the wardrobe their coats. The girl's cheeks turned pink when he smiled at her.

Steve looked over to them in that moment. He had a smile on his face when he saw her, but it vanished when his gaze landed on Bucky. Seriously what the hell was going on?!

"Buck-"

"You say hi to Steve and I'll go see when the others are arriving."

She frowned at him. "What is going on with you two?"

"Nothing. You should ask Steve. He sees things that aren't there." Bucky shook his head. "I'll see you later."

She watched him leave, confused by what he'd said. She talked briefly with the head of the catering company before she joined Steve and Darcy.

"Hi, boss!" Darcy smiled happily. "Everything looks great so far. And I went with Cap over his little speech. Like I said it's great that you're not dead, dude."

"Thanks?"

"Thor will be over the moon when he hears the news."

Natasha looked briefly away. Thor had been furious when he'd found out about Natasha's pregnancy and Steve's disappearance. He'd offered to find a way to get Steve back to their time, but she'd refused. He'd also offered to stay on Earth to help with the baby, but she'd told him to go. He wouldn't have been happy here and he was part of her family and she wanted what was best for him. James and Thor had met only once, a couple of months ago, but they both got along well. James had loved to sit on Thor's shoulders and the giant had been so gentle with her son.

"I'm sure." She said eventually, but she could see out of the corner of her eye that Steve was uncomfortable. Thor was the only one he hadn't talked to yet.

Darcy excused herself and Natasha was alone with Steve. Their relationship was starting to get better. Steve had come over a few times in the last two weeks to spend more time with James and Natasha was trying her best to move on. She was still not over him leaving them all behind without any real goodbye, but she knew that she couldn't hold that grudge forever. She had to be on good terms with the father of her child. And deep down she was happy that he was back.

"Nervous? About your little speech?" She asked him when she caught him staring at her.

"Huh?" Steve blinked in confusion. "Right. Yeah, a little bit. But it has to be done and hopefully soon something else will be the next big story."

She nodded. "Well, now you can at least move around the city without sun glasses and a cap."

"Yeah." Steve looked her up and down. "You look beautiful tonight. I mean you always do, of course."

His cheeks turned pink and she chuckled. "Thanks, Steve."

" So, I was looking at apartments near you and I was wondering if you and James maybe wanna help me find one?"

"You're moving to Manhattan?" She asked him, more than surprised. Steve was a Brooklyn boy through and through.

"That's where you're living. I wanna be close to you. And James."

"Huh...Sure, we can help, but I don't think James will be very helpful. Apartment hunting is not really a toddler's favorite thing.

Steve smiled. "Probably. We can go with him to a diner afterwards. Does he love milkshake and fries as much as his mother?"

"I don't know. We can find out."

They smiled at each other and Natasha was proud of herself. She was having a civil conversation with Steve and they were both doing what was best for their child. She was acting like a real grown up.

Steve's gaze landed on something behind her and his smile turned into a frown. She was about to turn around when she heard Bucky's voice behind her.

"Darcy needs help with something, Nat." He was now standing next to her. "Hey, Steve."

"Bucky." Steve's eyes darted from her to Bucky and his frown got deeper. Seriously, what was going on with these two?

Steve excused himself when he saw Hill, saying that he had to go over his speech with her.

"Okay, what happened between you and Steve?" She asked Bucky when they were alone.

"Ask him. I can't tell you. He has to tell you himself." Bucky gave her a little smile. "I'm sorry, Nat."

"Fine. Be idiots." She gritted her teeth and went to look for Darcy. She was glad when the night would over and she would be back with her sweet boy.

* * *

Steve's speech went smoothly and he was trending again on Twitter, along with Clint and Tony who he'd mentioned more than once. He answered a few questions from the press until Hill decided it was enough. Darcy had already told Natasha that the website of the foundation had almost crashed and people all over the world were donating. That was good. They could help a lot of kids with that money.

Natasha had said a few words herself, welcoming everyone and thanking them for their time (she'd actually meant their money). People were trying to get her to talk about Steve's return, but she repeated the same sentence every time. "We are all so glad that he's alive and found his way back."

After shaking countless hands and talking with too many people, Natasha decided that she deserved a break and sneaked out onto the balcony. It was a cold night, so everyone thankfully stayed inside and she was alone.

Maybe it was silly, but she was only starting to process now that Steve was back for good. He wouldn't leave again. He was in James's life for good. And her life. And she had to learn to let go of the past. She didn't want James to pick up his mother's resentment against Steve and ruin his relationship with his father before it had actually really begun. She would have to get to a point where she was ready to forgive and forget.

She heard the balcony door open.

"I figured you would get cold." Bucky said behind her and wrapped her coat around her shoulders when he reached her. "You okay?"

She smiled a thanks at him. "Yeah, I am."

He wrapped his arm around her and looked with her down at New York. "I'm proud of you. You'll help a lot of kids with the profits from tonight."

"I hope so."

"And I think you're doing great with the whole Steve thing. James has already told me about his new friend. I think their introduction went well."

She rested her head on his shoulder. "How am I gonna tell him that Steve is his father?"

"I wish I knew, doll."

"_Am I interrupting something_?"

Natasha moved away from Bucky and turned around to face Steve who looked pretty pissed. What was his problem?

"Calm down, Steve." Bucky said. "You're seeing things that aren't there."

Steve crossed his arms. "Right."

"Okay, will someone finally tell me what the fuck is going on?" She snapped. She had enough of this nonsense.

Bucky walked to the door. "I think it's time you tell her everything, Steve." He said and walked back inside.

"Tell me what?" She asked agitated. "Are you keeping something from me? I thought we agreed on honesty!"

Steve watched her without saying anything and she was getting angrier by the second.

"Steve, what the fuck is going on? What happened with Bucky? He won't tell me!"

"Are you sleeping with him?"

"_What_?!"

"Are you sleeping with Bucky?" He repeated through gritted teeth. "Are you having sex with him?"

"What the fuck?" She couldn't believe what she'd just heard.

"Answer the question, Nat. Is he only stealing my son or is he stealing you as well?"

"Have you lost your goddamn mind, Rogers?" She shook her head. "He's not stealing anything. James and I are not some objects that can be taken! Bucky has been taking care of James because of your absence! He has stepped up when you weren't there and he's done so much for us. You should be grateful to him!"

Steve shook his head and she saw that his eyes were glistening. "My son doesn't know who I am and he's constantly talking about Bucky and how great he is. And he's with you all the time! I have...There's no place for me! He's taken my family from me!"

"You can't be mad about that! You left! You have no right!"

"Don't you think I know that? It's killing me, Nat. James doesn't know me, I missed so much, and you can barely stand me! I know I have no right, but I can't change the way I feel! I fucked up, Nat! I should have never stayed in the past. I should have come back the second I returned the last stone."

A tear fell down his cheek and he wiped it away.

She just stared at him. She couldn't do anything else. She was mad, confused, but she also felt bad for him. She had never seen him like this before.

"Steve-" She started, unsure what to say.

"You don't get it, do you?" He laughed humorlessly. "I came back because of you. I had to lose you to realize who my heart truly belongs to. I love you, Natasha. I have for a very long time."

She took a step back and her back hit the railing of the balcony. What was he talking about? "No."

"I'm in love with you. I'm so fucking jealous of Bucky and I hate myself for it. He has you and James. You trust him, you rely on him and James thinks he hung the moon. I messed everything up. The love of my life has given me a child and I'm practically a stranger to both of them. And it's all my fault."

This was all too much. And she didn't believe him. He had been in love with Peggy, pining after her for years. He'd gone back for her. And now that he knew that they didn't work, he was projecting his feelings onto her. That wasn't fair. He didn't love her.

"No." She repeated. "You're confused. I believe that you're jealous that Bucky and James are so close, but you don't love me."

He looked hurt. "You don't believe me? I love you, Nat. I'm so sorry that it taken me so long to realize. I love you and I want to be with you."

She shook her head. "No, that's never going to happen."

She ran past by him, half afraid that he would stop her but he didn't, and she got back inside. Bucky gave her a questioning look, but she shook her head and left the party. She couldn't be here anymore. She hailed a cab outside of the hotel and gave the driver Pepper's address.

She found a sleeping Happy in the living room and quietly walked up the stairs to Pepper's guestroom. James was asleep in his porta crib and she quickly got out of her dress and heels and changed into her pajamas.

James stirred when she got him out of his bed. "Mommy?"

"Yeah, it's me, baby." She lied down on the bed with him, pulling the soft comforter over them. She inhaled James's smell and closed her eyes.

"Mama, wrong?" God, her baby was so perceptive.

"Nothing, nothing's wrong." She kissed his forehead. "Not when I'm with you."

"Luv you, mama." He yawned and buried his face into her neck.

His father had said the same to her, but at least this time she knew that it was real. "I love you, too. So much."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Natasha's phone was vibrating again. She knew without looking who was calling her, but she wasn't going to answer her phone. She didn't want to talk to him right now. She didn't really want to talk to anyone right now.

How could he say those things to her? How could he claim to love her after everything that he'd done? Why couldn't he have kept his mouth shut until he'd figured out his mess and realized that he didn't love her? Was he projecting his feelings for Peggy onto her because she was the mother of his child? Didn't he realize that he'd only made everything more complicated? They had to think about James, he was the only thing that mattered, and then Steve had to do this.

She stirred the stew that she was making for next week. It was Sunday night and time for meal prepping.

The fundraiser had been a success and Natasha was more than relieved that no one had eavesdropped on her conversation with Steve and they weren't today's news. No, thankfully everyone was covering Steve's return and spreading the photos of him from yesterday's event.

Her phone buzzed again, this time only briefly and she knew that she'd gotten a text. Had Steve left a voicemail? She shook her head, it didn't matter. She wasn't going to check anyway.

She tried the stew and decided that it needed more salt and pepper.

Natasha understood that Steve was jealous of Bucky and James's close relationship. Of course, he was jealous. Steve was James's father, but Bucky was closer to James. Steve and James were only at the beginning of their relationship, they would have a close bond as well one day. But that wouldn't happen over night.

Bucky had been there for James since before he had been born. He had been there for Natasha when she had been alone. Clint had died and Laura had had to take care of three grieving children and grief for her dead husband herself. And her other best friend...Well... Of course she'd had Sam and the others, but Bucky had been different.

She tasted the stew again, this time happy with the taste, and filled it into a container so it could cool down.

Maybe Steve thought he loved her because he thought that parents should be together. He did come from a different time where a family was usually husband, wife and children. Maybe he was convinced that they had to be like that.

But they would never be together. Steve didn't actually love her and he would realize that, and she didn't love him.

She wasn't even sure if she was capable of romantic love. There had been that disaster with Bruce that made her cringe every time she thought about it. Seriously what had she been thinking?!

And then there was this handsome, kind and funny man who was amazing with her son and always had her back, and yet she wasn't in love with Bucky. Yes, she'd thought about them being more than friends but there was no romantic love between them and she didn't want to mess anything up. And now with Steve being jealous...Starting anything with Bucky was a horrible idea and he deserved someone who was truly in love with him. He was a good man.

She left the kitchen to check on James who was still sound asleep in his bed. Liho blinked her eyes open when she heard Natasha but closed them again when she recognized her. She had found Liho starving and lonely in the streets when she had been in her second trimester. She had been meaning to bring her to an animal shelter, but she hadn't been able to. Maybe it had been the pregnancy hormones, but Natasha had decided to give Liho a home. And it had been the right decision. Liho and James were best friends and there was no doubt in her mind that Liho would protect James until her very end.

She stroked Liho's soft fur before she walked out of James's room, leaving the door a bit open so she could hear him if he needed her.

She was on her way to her office when a knock on the front door startled her. She wasn't expecting anyone.

She got to the door and gritted her teeth when she looked to the peeping hole. Great, what was he doing here?

"Nat, please!"

She didn't want to open the door, but she knew she had to because she didn't want Steve to wake up James.

"What?" She didn't move to the side to let him in.

"Can we please talk? You're not answering your phone! Please." He pleaded and she had to admit he looked like a mess. "I know I shouldn't have just dropped a bomb like this at an event that was so important to you...but...I just...Please let's talk."

"About what? About accusing me of sleeping with Bucky? Saying he stole us like we're your property?"

He looked to the ground. "I'm sorry about that. I was just so jealous and snapped. I know it's all my fault but I can't feel like he took my place. I know I have to get over that." He looked up to her. "But I do love you, Natasha."

"Steve-" She shook her head softly. "I believe that you think that, but it's not true. You're projecting your feelings for Peggy onto me."

"No, I'm not!" He raised his voice but lowered it once he seemed to realize that he was in the hallway of her apartment building. "I'm over Peggy. I used her to hide my actual feelings. I've loved you for so long. I just wasn't man enough to admit it to myself."

She took a deep breath. Steve could really be a stubborn son of a bitch if he wanted to. "You should leave before you wake up James."

"I..I can still see him, right?" His tone was desperate. "I can still come over on Tuesday for our play date?"

Shit, she'd completely forgotten about that. She didn't really want to have Steve come over, but she knew that James was looking forward to it and father and son had to spend time together.

"Of course."

"Thank you! Look-" He rubbed the back of his neck. "I know I made everything messier. I know I should have waited until I told you, but...It's the truth. I love you and I want to be with you. Really be with you. And I can wait until you believe me and know how you feel about me."

She opened her mouth to tell him that she already knew how she felt and it wasn't love. "Steve-"

"Goodnight, Nat. I see you on Tuesday." He smiled briefly before he walked away.

Natasha closed the door and banged her forehead against it. Why did everything always have to be so damn complicated?!

* * *

Her Monday morning had been quite stressful and Natasha was looking forward to her lunch date with Laura. People were still donating and Natasha could barely believe how much they were able to help with that money. They were able to do so many projects, changing the lives of so many kids. It was amazing. Natasha was truly grateful about every donation.

She walked out off her office, telling Darcy and the others to take a break as well, and left to meet Laura at the bistro near her office building. They decided to eat in the park near by since it was warm today and took their order to go.

Natasha had offered Laura a position at the foundation, but she'd decided to go back into her old field and was working as a paralegal again.

They strolled through the park until they found an empty bench.

"So, how was the fundraiser?" Laura asked as she unwrapped her sandwich. Laura didn't like the spotlight and stayed away from these kind of events.

"Good. We collected a ton of money." Natasha answered before taking a bite out off her own lunch.

"That's great!" Laura smiled. "And how was it having Steve there?"

Natasha's mind flashed back to what happened on the balcony but she pushed those memories back. "He's the reason why we got so much money, so I'm glad that he was there."

Laura nodded. "Everything okay between him and Bucky? You mentioned some tensions?"

Should she tell Laura everything? She didn't want to keep anything from her, but she didn't want to talk about it. She decided to tell her half of it.

"He's jealous about how close Bucky and James are. Which I get, but it's something he has to learn to live with."

"That's all?" Laura asked with a raised eyebrow and her tone told her that she didn't believe that Natasha had told her everything.

"He's also jealous about me and Bucky. Even though there is nothing." She looked at Laura. "You don't seem to be surprised about that."

"No." Laura chuckled. "Not really. I think it was always quite obvious that Steve has feelings for you."

"What?" Natasha's eyes widened in surprise. "What are you talking about?"

"I always had my suspicions. Remember that I wasn't surprised when you told me who the father of your baby is?"

Natasha nodded. Laura and Bucky hadn't been surprised at all, while Sam had almost fallen off a chair when she'd told him about her pregnancy and the baby daddy.

"But he doesn't really have feelings for _me_. He's still confused about the whole Peggy thing and projecting."

"Do you really believe that?" Laura didn't look convinced. "I don't know Steve that well, but I could always tell that he had a soft spot for you. I think he was already jealous about Banner back then without realizing it. He probably thought that he owed it to Carter to pine after her and never fully realized that he had feelings for someone else."

"No." Natasha shook her head. "He doesn't love me. I can believe that he thinks so right now, but he'll come to his senses soon."

At least she hoped he did.

"And what about you?"

Natasha furrowed her eyebrows. "What about me?

"Do you have feelings for Steve?"

"No, definitely not."

"Are you sure about that?" Laura raised an eyebrow.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well-" Laura leaned back against the bench. "You always said that you'd never sleep with a friend and yet you slept with Steve. Apparently on a regular basis from what you've told me. And by the way, Steve doesn't seem like the guy for casual sex. And you were pretty upset when he left."

"We all were." Natasha objected. "Things were fucked up after the snap. Nothing made sense anymore-"

"But Steve did?"

"That's not what I was saying!"

"I don't mean to upset you, Natasha." Laura said softly. "But you have to admit that no one was as angry and upset about Steve's disappearance as you. And maybe you were so upset and hurt because he left you for another woman."

"No...that not's how it was! I was grieving and then I found out I was pregnant with his child. Of course I was fucking angry!"

"Just think about it, okay? You have to know where you stand with Steve. For your child."

Natasha crossed her arms over her chest and kept quiet. Laura was being ridiculous. She didn't have those kind of feelings for Steve. She'd never had! He had been her best friend just like Clint. And they had only slept together because everything had been so messed up after the snap and they'd needed something to fill that emptiness.

She returned to the office after her lunch break and was greeted by Darcy who struggled with a giant bouquet of flowers.

"Ah, boss! You're back!" She yelled, her face behind the flowers. They were truly beautiful. Actually, she took a closer look and noticed that they were _her_ favorite flowers. "These came for you!" She put them on her desk. "Jesus, they are heavy!"

Natasha looked from the flowers to Darcy. "For me? Probably a thank you for the gala."

Darcy fished a little envelope out of the flowers. "Well, here's a card. You're sure it's not from your hot lover?"

"My hot lover?" She snorted and Darcy just shrugged her shoulders. She took the envelope from her and opened it to read the card.

_Natasha,_

_I'm sorry for Saturday night. I should have done it differently. And I know I have no right to be jealous. Please forgive me. _

_I'm really proud of everything that you and your foundation are doing and you're such a wonderful mother to James. I hope the flowers are still your favorite ones and that you'll enjoy them._

_Love, Steve._

Natasha couldn't help but smile a little. It was a sweet gesture from him.

"Oh, it is from your hot lover!" Darcy wiggled her eyebrows and Natasha's smile vanished.

"Get back to work, Lewis!"

"Aye, aye Captain boss lady!" Darcy gave a mock salute. "I don't think a guy has ever sent me any flowers."

Natasha watched Darcy walk to the coffee machine, and she picked up the vase to take the flowers into her office.

The afternoon was spent with replying to emails and she smiled a little every time her gaze landed on the flowers. It really had been a nice gesture from Steve. She considered it to be a peace offering. They would work everything out. For James. Natasha was sure of it. They were parents first, nothing else didn't really matter.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Steve knew that he'd messed everything up. He knew that he'd ruined everything by going back. He should've stayed here with his friends and family. He should have stayed by Natasha's side. He wished he'd realized sooner that he loved he could change the best he would do it. Yeah, the irony of that wasn't lost on him.

He looked at the photo of him, Natasha and James on his nightstand. They'd had so much fun at the beach and it was still the only photo of the three of them. It was his most precious possession. He loved them both so much. He would do anything for them.

He turned his head to stare again at the ceiling of Sam's guest room.

He'd thought that he had been supposed to go back, that he'd owed it to Peggy to come back to her, but the truth was that they both had loved versions of each other that they couldn't live up to. He'd changed so much and Peggy had been different from what he'd remembered. And she'd soon noticed that his heart belonged to someone else. It probably hadn't helped that he'd pretty much talked about Natasha all the time. And Peggy had still fallen in love with Daniel, he was her soulmate and not Steve. He knew that now. And he was happy for them. He would always love Peggy, but it wasn't romantic love.

Peggy had wished him that he would find what she'd had with Daniel, but he wasn't so sure he would get it. He didn't even deserve it. Probably. He'd left Natasha when she had been pregnant with their child. And grieving the death of her best friend. How could she ever forgive him? Let alone_ love_ him?

He'd failed her when Thanos had snapped his fingers, he'd failed her when he hadn't been able to live at the compound anymore and left her on her own, he'd failed her when she'd lost her best friend and then he'd failed her when he'd abandoned her to go back.

God, he had so much to fix. So much to make up for. He knew that it would take time and he had to be patient, but it was so hard. He wanted to be around her and James. He wanted to be with his family. He wanted his son to call him Dad and, and what was maybe the most selfish wish, he wanted Natasha to love him back. Even though he had no right.

He groaned and rubbed his forehead. He had been selfish one time and that had caused so much pain and confusion. He was glad that his mother couldn't see the mess that he'd created. But maybe she could have told him that the woman he truly loved had been by his side the whole time. His ma had always known best.

He got off the bed and checked the time. He had to be at SHIELD soon to train with his new team. It was weird that SHIELD was back and he missed the Avengers. But everything was different now. Sam and Bucky had their own team, and Wanda was working with Strange to learn everything about her powers. And Natasha and Bruce were retired and Thor was somewhere in space.

His gaze landed on the photo again. Natasha was holding James securely against her chest and their son was beaming happily. She was such a great mother and he could see how much James loved her. And it made Steve love her even more. She was everything and even more that he could ever want in a woman and he'd been too blind to see it. Of course he was in love with her, how could he not? And the way she was with James, so gentle and caring? It made him burst with the love he had for the two of them.

He grabbed his phone from the nightstand and left the guestroom to get his coat and keys. He hoped that he would soon find a place near his family so he wouldn't have to stay too long at Sam's. He was sure that his friend was looking forward to having the apartment to himself again.

He shoved phone and keys into the pockets of his coat when the front door opened and Sam got home.

"Hey, man."

"Hi, Sam." He buttoned up his coat. "How was your lunch date?"

"Okay, I guess." Sam shrugged. " But I'm sure we won't see each other again. Maybe I do have to get Natasha to set me up."

"Yeah..."

They both looked uncomfortable with the mention of Natasha. "Um, look. I know things are...But do you wanna have drinks with me and Buck tonight? We wanna watch the game at a bar. You should come."

"I don't know how long I will be at SHIELD today."

Sam seemed unhappy with that. "You know that you'll have to talk to him eventually. Apologize to him."

"I do and I will." He said sincerely. "But a sports bar might not be the best place for that."

He told Sam to have a nice day and left the apartment. Yeah, he knew that he had been unfair to Bucky. But he was so fucking jealous. Bucky was a crucial part of their lives and Steve felt like he was just watching them through a window. Sure, Natasha was civil to him, but she wasn't letting him in. And to James, he was just his mother's old friend _Steeb. _

He knew that it was his own fault, but it still broke his heart. Natasha and James were his everything and they were practically strangers to him. He'd missed so much of James's life and Natasha had been his closest friend and now she only talked to him because of James.

But he wouldn't give up until they were a real family. Until James called him dad and Natasha knew that she could trust him one hundred percent.

* * *

"This is the living room." Steve said and led Natasha and James into the room. He had a good feeling about this apartment, but he wanted Natasha and James to like it as well. He hoped that they would spend a lot of time here.

Natasha looked around the room with James in her arms who played with her ponytail. She looked so good in her beige coat and black boots and he couldn't help but notice that her expressions were softer when James was around. It gave her beauty a completely new level.

"It's nice. I like the light in here." Natasha observed and let down James after he'd squirmed in her embrace. "Stay in the room with us, sweetie."

Steve smiled. Natasha had never been one to use pet names, but James was baby, sweetheart and darling.

"Okay, mama." James seemed to look around the room for the first time. "No funutu?"

"Furniture, James." Natasha said the word slowly and James watched her carefully and repeated the word, but he still quite didn't get it. God, he was so cute. "And no, there's no furniture, because no one is living here at the moment. But Steve might. What do you think, baby? Is this the right place for Steve?"

James looked up at him like he expected him to answer. "You like?"

"I think so, buddy."

James nodded and asked his mother for a cracker. Apparently he wasn't really interested in real estate. Natasha opened her bag and gave him a cracker, reminding him to eat it slowly. He plopped down on the floor and munched on the cracker, his eyes never leaving his mother. She smiled at him and blew him a kiss.

Steve showed them the kitchen, bathroom, the master bedroom and the room he was hoping could be James's. Natasha didn't directly say anything to that, but she also didn't immediately say no to the idea. And he knew himself that there was still had a long way ahead of them until James could stay at his place for a night.

"I think you should get the place. It's great." Natasha said while she helped James back into his jacket that he'd shrugged off earlier.

"Yeah, I think I'll give an offer." The place was great indeed. It had enough space, had hardwood floors and a fireplace, and most importantly it was only five minutes away from his loved ones.

"Mama, babyccino?" James looked at her with big eyes.

Natasha snorted. "You can't pronounce furniture, but babyccino?"

James gave her a cheeky grin in return and Steve laughed.

She shot him a look, but shook her head in amusement. "I think it's time we introduce you to Stan if you're gonna move into our neighborhood."

"Stan!" James clapped excitedly.

"Who's Stan?"

"A sweet old man who owns a cafe down the street. His cakes are to die for and so are his babyccinos, of course." Natasha picked up James and heaved him onto her hip. "We're there quite often. I think Stan's a bit younger than you so you two will get a long smoothly. Maybe you'll get a senior discount."

"Haha." But he secretly loved it that she was making fun of him again.

They took the stairs, got James into his stroller and walked down the street. And Steve felt like they were a real family taking a stroll. He opened the door so Natasha could push the stroller into the cafe and an old man was already coming towards them with a big smile on his face. That was probably Stan. _Old man_. The guy was younger than him. That used to bother Steve, but now he was just thankful that he was in this time period with Natasha. And James.

"Hello, young man!" He knelt down to pinch James's cheek who giggled. He stood up and smiled at Natasha. "And hello to you, my dear!" His gaze landed on Steve. "No Barnes today?"

Steve ignored the peng in his chest. "I'm Steve Rogers, sir." He offered his hand.

Stan looked from James to him. "I know who you are. Thank you for your service, Captain. I'm glad that you're back."

Did he know that James was his son? They did look quite alike. Only his eyes were as green and beautiful as his mother's.

"Thank you." He smiled politely.

Natasha was already getting James out of his stroller and the second his feet were on the ground he ran towards Stan to hug his legs.

"I missed you, too." He laughed and patted his head. "Your usual I assume, Master James?"

"Babyccino!"

"Stan claims that he invented it." Natasha whispered to Steve.

"I heard that, young lady!" He looked stern, but Steve saw the glint of fondness in his yes. "Your usual? A latte and Russian chocolate cheesecake?"

"Yes, please." Natasha kissed his cheek and Steve could see that Stan's face turned a little bit pink.

"And for you, Captain?"

"I'll have the same. Thank you."

"Coming right up." Stan looked at James who was still hugging his legs. "If you let go and follow me, there might me some cookies in it for you."

Natasha chose a table in the back of the cafe and Steve followed her while James followed Stan, asking him about cookies.

"He seems like a great guy."

"He is." Natasha nodded and sat down. "I found his cafe while I was pregnant. I came here a lot. Cravings are no joke."

Another thing he'd missed. He would have loved to get up in the middle of the night to get Natasha something for her cravings. But apparently that had been another thing Bucky had done for her.

"So, James's birthday is soon and...and I think we should throw him a party together."

Steve was glad that he was sitting down. "_Really_? That would be great. Thank you!"

"It's the right thing to do. Parents do those things together. I think a little party with cake and our friends would be good?"

"Yes, anything you say!" He said eagerly. He was so touched and happy that Natasha was willing to share this with him. This was the first time Steve would be there for James's birthday and he was already so excited. "Thank you for this. I know things are-"

Natasha held her hand up. "It's best if we don't talk about _that_ right now. We should focus on James. I want his birthday to be perfect. It's his first with both parents present and he might even remember this one. So it has to be perfect, okay?"

"It will be." He promised her. This was a way to show her that she could trust him and he would not fail her. He would never fail her again.

* * *

Steve took a deep breath and knocked on the door. He was nervous, but he knew that he had to have this conversation.

"Hey, punk." Bucky greeted after opening his door.

"Hi. Can I come in?"

"Sure." Bucky stepped aside and Steve walked into his apartment. Bucky had moved to Brooklyn, but that wasn't an option for Steve anymore. He would live where Natasha and James lived. He would follow them to the ends of the Earth.

"You want a beer or something?" Bucky asked and turned off the TV when they were in his living room.

"Um, no thanks. I came to talk to you. I have to apologize to you. I've been acting like an ass and I'm sorry."

Bucky said down on the couch and motioned for Steve to sit down as well. "Did you talk to Natasha?"

"Yeah, and I should have talked to you too before acting like a jealous dick. I'm sorry, Bucky. I really am. I shouldn't have taken my jealousy out on you."

"And now? Are you still jealous?"

"Yeah." He admitted, feeling ashamed. "I know I have no right, but I can't help it."

Bucky gave him a kind smile. "Look, I get it. I can't imagine what it must be like for you. And you have my full sympathy. It must be so hard for you that James doesn't know who you are and that you don't have a father son relationship yet."

"Yeah." Steve nodded, looking to the ground. He hated himself for being so rude to Bucky in the last weeks. And yet Bucky was still a good friend to him. "I love him so much and he...he thinks I'm just some guy."

"No, he doesn't. He likes you a lot, Steve." Bucky said softly. "He really does. He's told me a lot about you. He feels connected to you."

"But it's not enough. I want to be his dad."

"I know. And you will. Give it time."

Steve nodded. "It's just so hard to spend time with him and not...tell him everything."

"I don't think he'll understand it yet. He has never asked about a father. He thinks having one parent is normal. Pepper and Lauren are also single moms."

"I know. I will be patient and won't say anything. Not until Nat thinks that James is ready." He looked at his hands and then at James. There was something that he had to say. "Thank you, Bucky. For taking care of them when I didn't. Thank you for that."

"Well, I did it mostly for Natasha, not for you. She didn't say anything, but I could see how scared she was about having a child on her own. But she's a great mom." He smiled. "I always knew she would figure it out."

"I'm still thankful, Bucky."

"But you do know that nothing ever happened between me and Nat, right?" His friend gave him a look. "You don't have to be jealous about _that_."

Steve knew he had no right to ask, but he still wanted to know. "Do you...do you have feelings for her?"

Bucky took a deep breath and Steve started to feel nauseous. Did he have feelings for her? God, would Bucky and Natasha get together one day?

"I don't." Bucky said eventually. "So you can calm down. Did I picture sometimes that Natasha and James were mine? Yeah, I did. Natasha is an amazing woman and James is a great kid. But I knew that it wasn't what she needed from me. And I could see in her eyes that she secretly wanted me to be someone else. To be _you_. She would never admit it, but she always hoped that you would come back to her."

"I love her." Steve blurted out.

"I know, punk." Bucky smiled softly. "I was surprised that you went back to Peggy. I was sure that you were in love with Nat."

"Why didn't you stop me?"

"Would you have listened to me?" Bucky asked in return.

Steve thought about that for a moment. "No, probably not."

"Natasha and James are my family, Steve. I would do anything for them." Bucky gave him a stern look. "I'm not in love with Natasha, but I do love her. If you break her heart again, I will kill you. Understood?"

"Understood." Steve would rather die than ever hurt Natasha again.

"Good." Bucky grinned. "I think it's time we have that beer now, punk."


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Things with Steve were actually pretty good. He spent more and more time with James and Natasha didn't know how, but James seemed to sense that Steve was an important person to him. He loved to spend time with him and he always asked if Steve could come too when they did something without him. Did James somehow sense that Steve was his father?

Steve had been on a few missions lately, but spent his other time with getting ready to move into his new place and helping her with James's birthday party. They got along quite well which was mostly due to the fact that they were both ignoring the big elephant in the room. He did look at her sometimes more fondly than he should, but she hoped that he would get over his so-called feelings for her.

James's party was going to be small, she only wanted their closest friends and family there, but she still wanted it to be special. And she was incredibly grateful that Wanda had offered to perform a magic show. She hoped that James would appreciate that a real actual sorceress was going to perform some magic tricks. She'd ordered a cake from Stan and Steve was in charge of decorating. The party would be at her place and Laura was so kind to make food for the party. Steve had offered, but she didn't think his cooking skills had improved in the last two years, especially with him being stuck in the quantum realm for most of the time.

Almost everyone would be able to make it, only Thor and Bruce couldn't be there. Thor was still somewhere in space and Bruce was at a science conference, but everyone else would be there. And she was glad that Bucky and Steve seemed to have had a talk and got along again.

She wanted both James's father and his uncle at the party. Both men were very important to James.

Natasha pulled her hair into a top knot and then lit the candle that she'd put into a blueberry muffin before she opened the door to James's room. She started to sing happy birthday and James giggled happily and sat up in his bed.

"My day!"

"Happy birthday, James! I love you so much!" She sat down on his bed and kissed his forehead. "Blow out your candle, baby. Make a wish!"

It took him a few tries, but he eventually managed to blow out the candle. "Tanks, mama!" He snuggled into her arms and she kissed the top of his head, enjoying this moment with her baby.

The doorbell rang and she kissed his head one last time. "That must be Steve."

"Steeb?" James asked with big eyes. "Yay!"

They would be going with Steve to the aquarium because she wanted James to have some alone time with his father before the party this afternoon.

"He knows my day?"

"Yes, baby. He knows that it's your birthday. He's gonna celebrate it with us."

She helped him out of bed and he practically bounced to the front door to let his new best friend in. She stayed behind to let them have a moment to themselves. She heard James greet Steve with a lot of enthusiasm and smiled to herself.

Natasha got James ready for the day and they had breakfast at Stan's before they went to the aquarium. Laura and Sam would be decorating the apartment for the party in the mean time. She just hoped that Steve had bought not some tacky birthday decorations.

It was a Wednesday so thankfully the aquarium wasn't visited that much and no one bothered them. James had the time of his life, watching the animals with big eyes and pressing his nose against the glass.

James saw a couple swinging their child between them and he immediately wanted them to do the same. Natasha and Steve shared a look before they took James's hands and swung him between them. Natasha ignored the warm feeling in her chest and focused on James's happy squeaking, begging them to swing him higher.

They bought him a stuffed shark before they got back to the apartment. She was glad that Steve agreed not to get James too many gifts and he would only get a few more things on top of the stuffed animal. She didn't want James to value materialistic things more than family and friends.

James was babbling about the fishes he'd seen today while they walked up the stairs to Natasha's apartment. Steve was getting better and better at toddler talk and seemed to understand more than he'd done in the beginning.

Natasha unlocked the door and let James walk first into the apartment. "Go to the living room, baby."

He did and she heard their friends yell happy birthday.

"Oi!" James was bouncing on his feet before he ran into Bucky's arm. "Hi! Hi!"

He was kissed and hugged by his aunts, uncles and cousins and they sang him Happy Birthday which made James clap and grin happily.

Wanda's magic show was a full success and James was more than impressed. He watched Wanda with big eyes and asked her to repeat everything at least once. Natasha filmed the whole thing, secretly pleased that she could tease James with it when he was older. She could show the video at his wedding, no?

James was happy to be surrounded by his family and Natasha caught Steve staring at their son the whole afternoon. They shared a smile and continued to watch their child tell everyone what he'd seen today.

Natasha was happy to report that Steve and Bucky got along and she was sure that their friendship was saved. She didn't miss that James was more focused on Steve than Bucky and made sure that he saw every one of his presents.

Their guests left around six because James had had an exciting day and was very tired. Steve offered to stay and help her clean up. She'd had her moment with James this morning and it would only be fair if Steve had a few minutes with his son alone as well. So she told him to bring James to bed and she knew by the smile on Steve's face that it was the right call. She kissed James goodnight and he seemed confused that she wasn't bringing him to bed, but happy that Steve would do it when she told him.

She decided to start cleaning and picked up plates and glasses and brought them to the kitchen. Honestly, the dishwasher was her favorite thing in her kitchen.

Steve had been in James's room for quite some time and she decided to check on them. Maybe James was getting fussy and refused to go to bed.

The door was a bit open and she could peek inside. James was lying in his bed and Steve was sitting on it with his back to her.

"I luv mama." James said with all the seriousness of a two year old. "Do you luv mama?"

Oh crap.

"Yes, I do." Steve answered softly. "I love her a lot."

"Are you prince? Eric to Ariel?"

"Well, I'm not a prince, buddy." Steve chuckled a little. "Are you asking me if I love your mama like Eric loves Ariel?" James nodded and Natasha's heart started to race. "I've loved your mama for a very long time. I will always love her and I will always be there for her. I promise you that, James. Your mother means the world to me. And you...We're friends, right?"

"Yes!"

"Good to know." She heard the smile in Steve's smile. "Your mom and I are also friends. We were best friends, but I've been away for a long time. And I hurt her."

"You hurt mommy?!"

"Yes, and I'm not proud about it. But I promise I will never do that again."

James held his hand up. "Pinkie pwomise?"

"Pinkie promise."

Natasha decided that she'd eavesdropped enough, even though she was sure that Steve had known that she'd had been standing there, and went back to the kitchen.

Steve joined her a few moments later. "Hey."

"Hey."

"So, I think his birthday was a success. Thank you again for letting me be a part of it."

"Of course. You don't have to thank me. You're his father after all."

"Yeah." Steve nodded. "I have something for you. Wait a minute."

"It's not _my_ birthday today." She said, but Steve had already left the room.

He came back with a long rectal box in his hand. "I know it's not your birthday. That's in two weeks. I didn't get you anything when James was born because...well, we know why." He looked ashamed to the ground but he looked at her again. "But I should have. So this is for you."

He handed her the box and she opened it reluctantly. A present like that was more like something that a man gave his partner as a push present, wasn't it? They weren't a couple, but she still felt touched that Steve had gotten her something.

Inside the box was a silver necklace with a sparkling J pendant. It was in the same style as her arrow necklace. She loved how thoughtful that was of Steve.

"Thank you."

Steve smiled shyly. "Do you like it?"

"Yes, a lot." She was about to ask him to help her put it on, but that would be too intimate and maybe send a wrong message, so she did it alone. The J rested above the arrow and she liked that she had both James and Clint so close to her heart. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

* * *

"Steeb coming?"

"No, baby. Steve has to work." Natasha explained and James's face fell. Steve was on a mission somewhere in Middle America, but she wasn't going to tell James that. She didn't want to scare him. He knew that their friends were superheros, but he didn't really know what that involved.

They'd been at Steve's new place yesterday and Steve had let James draw on the wall that would be his room and James had loved it. And Natasha had to admit that it had looked pretty well. It had been a good idea from Steve to let James help decorate his own room, even though he didn't know yet that it was his room. She didn't really know what to feel about her baby having a room somewhere else, but she knew that he would sometimes stay at his father's place eventually. It was just natural and she wanted James to have that.

It was Saturday and the weather wasn't that great, but she still decided to take a walk with James through the park. She packed them a little picnic, got James into his stroller and pushed him to Central Park. They watched the ducks on the pond, spent some time on the playground before she found them a bench to have their picnic.

She watched James munch on his sandwich and she was still amazed at how much she could love someone. Her love for James was truly unconditional, he was her everything. She was thankful to Steve for giving James to her. Without him, she would have never gotten pregnant. Only his serum had been strong enough to knock her up. She chuckled at the thought.

"What funny?"

"Nothing, baby." She smiled and readjusted his hat so that his head and ears were protected from the cold. He threw her a look like he didn't believe her, but continued to eat his sandwich.

She decided that it was time to go home when it was getting too cold and planned for James to have a bath. Which she didn't tell him, because he hated baths.

Liho greeted them by the door when they got home, and she let James play with her before his bath. She brought her bag to the kitchen to clear it out. She put the lunchboxes into the dishwasher and saw that she had a few missed calls from Sam when she found her phone on the button on her bag.

Hm.

She called him back and was about to hang up when he finally answered.

"Nat! Finally!"

The tone in Sam's voice made her stop in her tracks. Something was wrong. "What happened?"

"Steve's been shot."

"_What_?" Her chest tightened. "Is Steve okay?"

"He got hit several times. He tried to save a child from what I heard. I don't think he was successful. They flew him back immediately. He's in the OR right now. He'll be fine, Nat. The serum saved him. His second in command told me that he's been calling for you during the flight."

"Mama?" She turned around and James looked at her with big, sad eyes. "Steeb?"

Shit, had he heard her? "Sam, I have to call you back."

"Okay. He's gonna be okay, don't worry. I just thought that you wanted to know."

"Yes, thank you." She ended the call and put the phone on the kitchen island. Fuck, what was she supposed to tell James?!

"What wrong Steeb?"

Natasha knelt down and put her hands on James's shoulders. He knew that something was wrong and wouldn't believe her if she said that everything was fine.

"Steve got hurt. But's he going to be okay, James. Don't worry. He's gonna be okay."

"He shot!"

How did he know? Was his hearing getting better? Could he hear as well as his father?

"Yes, he did. But he's special. Like you. He heals quicker than others... Like you when you have a paper cut and it's gone the next day."

"He like me?" James furrowed his eyebrows. "Why?"

Shit. Shit. Shit.

She couldn't keep the truth from him anymore, could she? His father was hurt and James deserved to know the truth.

"Steve is healing so quickly like you, because he gave that ability to you. You know how some children have two parents?" James nodded and she took a deep breath. "You have two parents as well. I'm your mama and Steve...he's your dad. You got your green eyes from me and he gave you your quick healing." Among other things, she thought to herself.

James didn't say anything and Natasha felt like she was dying. Had she traumatized her child? Did he even understand what she was saying? Shit, had she done this completely wrong?

"James, sweetie?"

"Where he been? Lilly's daddy always there."

"He'd left before he knew about you. Before anyone knew that you were in my belly. He had to...There was something important for him to do. He wouldn't have left if he'd known about you."

James bit on his lip and then nodded. "Visit Steeb?"

Was James okay? Still in shock? "I'll ask uncle Sam how he's doing and if he can have visitors, we can go, okay?"

James nodded.

She texted Sam, asking how Steve was doing, and he informed her that he had been out of the OR and would wake up soon.

"Okay, let's get our coats on and then we go visit him."

James smiled. "I like Steeb. He say he luv you. I luv you."

"I love you, too."

She helped him into his coat, got into her own, and then drove them to SHIELD HQ. If Sam was surprised that she and James showed up to visit him, he didn't show it. He greeted them with a smile and told them that Steve was awake.

Natasha lifted James up before she opened the door to Steve's room. She was relieved that he looked quite normal, because she didn't know what to do if he'd been bruised and battered and what that would have done to James.

"Hi. What are you two doing here?" He sat up and smiled tiredly. They had taken seven bullets out of his torso and right leg according to Sam's texts.

"James wanted to see you. He overheard my call with Sam." She explained and walked closer to his bed. James got fussy and tried to get out off her arms and onto Steve's bed.

"I'm okay, buddy. In a few days I'll be as good as new." Steve gave James an assuring smile. "You don't have to worry."

"Because you like me." James nodded, still trying to get out of her arms. She sighed and dropped him gently onto the bed.

"Be careful, James. He's still hurt."

He crawled up until he was face to face with his father, careful not to touch his body. Her baby was so thoughtful. "You my dad."

Steve's eyes widened and he looked from James to her. "He wanted to know why you heal so quickly. Like he does."

James patted Steve's cheek and Steve's eyes filled with tears. "It okay you gone. You stay with me and mama now? Foreva?"

"Yes, I'll never leave again."

Natasha felt her own eyes getting teary and she tried to blink her tears away. She'd always wanted James to have his father in his life.

James laid down next to his father and rested his head on Steve's shoulder. A tear rolled down Steve's cheek and he placed his big hand on James's back. He looked at her and she nodded at him with a smile.

Natasha came closer and rested her hand on top of Steve's. They were a family and nothing was more important than that. She was ready to let go of the past and her anger. It didn't matter anymore. Only James did and Steve had shown that he wanted to be in his son's life. And that was more than enough for her.

"I forgive you, Steve." She whispered and Steve looked up from James to her. New tears were welling up in his eyes. She cupped his hand with her smaller one.

"Daddy." James mumbled softly before he closed his eyes, falling asleep in his father's safe embrace.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

James seemed to handle everything pretty well. His interest in Steve had only grown and he was very happy to have a father now. He wanted Steve to come over all the time and talked about him a lot. And he didn't appear to be traumatized by the whole situation which made Natasha more than relieved. The last thing she wanted for James was to get hurt in any way.

And Steve...There seemed to have been lifted a weight off his shoulders. He could be open with James now and he was good in his new role as dad. It was strange. James and Steve only knew each other for two months, but they were truly so alike. Not just their looks were similar, but also their character traits and mannerisms.

Natasha's birthday had been lovely, she'd spent the day with Laura and Pepper at a spa, getting pampered, and then had drinks and dinner with the others at a nice restaurant. James had given her a beautiful bracelet that Steve had obviously paid for. She would know if her son had suddenly enough money for diamonds and gold. Not that she thought that James was aware that the bracelet must have cost quiet a few bucks, he'd only noticed that it was so shiny and sparkly.

After the necklace and now the bracelet, Natasha was a bit scared when she thought about Christmas next month. What was Steve going to get her? Another expensive piece of jewelry? He didn't have to do that. But she also knew that she would have to get Steve something nice and Natasha was a terrible gift giver. She was glad that James was easy in that department. He wanted new Lego Duplo and he would get some. She dreaded the time when he would switch to normal Lego and they would have to live in fear of stepping into it. Or poor Liho would swallow it. But she would worry about that when the time would come.

Her relationship with Steve was improving now that she had let go of her anger and resentment and they could focus on co-parenting James. They were on their way to being real friends again and Natasha was happy about that. It would make everything so much easy. James deserved to have two parents who got along with each other. There was a couple at daycare who was currently separating and the kid seemed to notice more about his parents' hatred towards each other than he let on. She didn't want that for her own child.

The only thing that worried her was that James seemed to wonder why Steve wasn't living with them and why his mama and daddy weren't cuddling and kissing. They'd kind of managed to dodge that bullet so far, but it didn't help that Steve sometimes looked like he wanted to cuddle and kiss her. She'd really hoped that he would have been over his "feelings" by now.

Tucking James into bed tonight had been quite difficult since he'd wanted to see his father who was currently on a mission. They hadn't told James yet that Steve was Captain America because she was simply scared that he would babble to someone about it and it would endanger him. Natasha was well aware that some people would be very interested in Captain America's child.

So James had been fussy, missing his dad who he hadn't seen in four days, and refused to go to sleep. But in the end his tired body had won and he'd fallen asleep.

Natasha sat down with a glass of wine and read over some paperwork that Darcy had handed her on her way out. Thanks to all the donations, they would be able to open another youth center next year and Natasha was more than proud. The more kids they could hell the better.

She was reading over the finance plan when someone knocked softly on the door. Hm, she wasn't expecting anyone. She got up from the couch and walked to the front door to look through the peeping hole.

She opened the door to let Steve in.

"Hey." She said in surprise. "I didn't think you'd be back so soon."

"Yeah. Hi, Nat. Sorry for showing up, but I...Can I see James for a minute? Please."

"Of course." She smiled softly and let him inside. "But he's sleeping."

"I'll be quiet. Thank you, Nat." She could hear in his voice how much he needed to see their son. She honestly couldn't image going on missions anymore, leaving her baby for an unknown amount of time. That part of her life was over.

She watched Steve quietly made his way to James's room and she went back to the couch, finishing her glass of wine.

Natasha heard low whispers coming from James's room and she hoped that he wasn't fully awake or it would take ages until he would fall asleep again and he would be grumpy the next day because he was tired.

Steve came into the living room a few moments later, looking more relaxed and at ease now that he'd seen his son.

"He woke up and we talked a little bit. He's sleeping again, though. Thank you for letting me see him."

She nodded at him and took a closer look. He had a fading bruise on his chin that would be gone by tomorrow, but it wasn't his face that made her look twice. He seemed like something was on his mind.

"Are you okay?"

"What? Yes, of course!" He answered, not convincing her at all.

"Steve." She shot him a look and he sighed deeply.

"It's just..." He sat down on the armchair next to the couch. "I don't...I'm not sure if I still want to do this..."

"Do what, Steve?"

"Be Captain America. Go into the field. I just...I think constantly about what I have here while I'm out there and I know that's dangerous. I think about my son and...and you...and I wanna be here with my family. I'm tired of fighting."

"Steve, it's okay if you wanna give up the shield for good. You've done more than enough." She said softly, meaning every word. "You don't have to do this anymore. You're allowed to live your life the way you want to."

"Fury would have a stroke if I step back."

She waved him off. "He'll get over it. You deserve to have a quiet life if that's what you want. You don't have to keep fighting. You've done your time."

"I thought so too and I messed everything up." He looked at her sadly. "I hurt you so much. I missed my son's birth."

"Steve-" She paused, unsure how to continue. "That doesn't mean that you still have to be Captain America. We saved the whole goddamn universe. There are others to fight the good fight. It's not just six misfits anymore. We are allowed to live our lives. And we should do it to honor Tony and Clint."

"And what should I do? I've been Cap for so long. I don't think I know who Steve is anymore." He looked so lost in that moment that it almost broke her heart.

"You can do whatever you want. You can still work for SHIELD. You can go back to art school. Didn't you once tell me that you always wanted to be an illustrator? You can take a sabbatical to figure everything out."

"How can I just stop?" He looked at his hands. "I've been giving all these gifts...I gave it all up once and that has been the biggest mistake of my life."

"James will always be in your life." She said softly and he looked up at her. "No matter what you decide, you won't lose him. I promise you that. I think that you should do what makes you happy. Not what would make others happy or what you think you're supposed to do. Listen to your heart. Wouldn't you say the same to James if he was torn between his happiness and...duty?"

He nodded slowly. "Yeah, of course. I want him to follow his dreams. Live his life the way he wants to."

"See." She smiled a little. "We've done enough, Steve. I don't miss that life. And I don't think that you will either."

* * *

Today was Pepper's annual Christmas party that she was always throwing on the first weekend in December, and Natasha was helping James to get ready. He wasn't really a fan of his clip on bow tie, but he looked so adorable! She already knew that she was going to take a ton of pictures today.

She wore a cashmere sweater and pencil skirt that James had picked out for her (this had been the deal so he would wear his cute little bow tie) and now she looked like she was going to a Scottish family reunion in the Highlands. Apparently Tartan was totally chic again. Had James watched Merida?! Did he expect her to pick up bow and arrow? His uncle had been so much better at that. Natasha had always been better with a rifle than a bow.

She got into her leather boots while James tried to put on his own shoes because he'd insisted that he could do it by himself, but well...He couldn't. He was putting the left shoe on his right foot for starters.

"Do you need help, baby?" She asked while she slipped into her coat.

"Nope!"

"Okay." She chuckled and left to get the cookies that she'd baked for the party. James was still fighting with his shoes when she came back from the kitchen.

"Mama! Shoes evil! Help me!"

"Okay, baby."

She tried her hardest not to laugh and helped him with his shoes and then into his coat. She grabbed the box of cookies with one hand and James's little hand with her other and they were on their way to Pepper's.

They were one of the last guests to arrive and everyone complimented James's outfit and he smiled proudly, seemingly having completely forgotten that he didn't want to wear it.

She greeted her friends and brought the cookies into the kitchen so they could have them later. She ran into Steve's firm chest when she left the kitchen.

"Oh, sorry!"

"It's okay." He laughed. "You were gone quite some time. I wanted to check on you."

"I might have eaten a few cookies. Or not. I guess we'll never know."

"Yeah, maybe." He grinned and pointed at the right corner of his mouth. "You may wanna destroy the evidence, though. You got a bit of chocolate there."

She wiped it off with her thumb and licked it off. Steve's eyes followed her every move and she only realized now how close they were standing to each other. She took a step back and Steve's gaze went back to her eyes. She ignored how her pulse was racing.

"How did your talk with Fury go?"

"Huh?" Steve blinked in confusion. "Right. Well, he wasn't exactly happy, but he also didn't shoot me. So I guess it went okay."

"How long will your sabbatical be?"

"Three months. I already signed up for some classes at a private art school." He looked quite happy about that. "And I'll be moving into my place next week."

"Oh, wow! That's great!"

"Yeah." He nodded. "Everything's almost done. I can't wait to have my own place again."

"Sam's probably glad that he'll be soon able to run around naked again."

"Who says I'm not doing that now with Cap around?" Sam stood behind Steve, grinning. "The little dude is asking where his parents are."

"Thanks for telling us, Sam." She walked by past Steve, brushing his arm and she ignored the tiny spark she felt. "And I know that you're not currently running around naked in your apartment because you don't stand a chance against Steve's perfect physique."

"Ouch, woman. At least I don't look like the wife of Braveheart!"

"James picked the skirt!" Natasha yelled back.

"Crap!" She heard Sam mutter before she was out of earshot, and looked for her son. She found him sitting on Wanda's lap, telling her something. His face lit up when he saw Natasha and he made grabby hands and she picked him up and placed him on her hip.

She walked over the the Christmas tree so James could look at it and he marveled at how tall the tree was. Pepper's townhouse was considerably bigger than Natasha's apartment so their own tree wasn't as tall as Pepper's.

"Smile!" She turned around and Steve was a few feet away from them with his phone in his hands. "Say cheese, James!"

"Cheese!" James grinned brightly and Natasha gave Steve an amused smile and he took a photo of them in front of the big Christmas tree.

"I can take a photo of the tree of you." Bucky offered, suddenly standing next to Steve.

"Thanks, that'd be great." Steve gave Bucky his phone and joined her and James. Bucky took a few photos of them until he handed Steve his phone back.

She took a look at it and she noticed how happy they all looked. They looked like a real, little family. "Can you send these to me?"

"Of course."

They had a wonderful day at Pepper's. Everyone was laughing and eating, they talked and talked, played games and they all just enjoyed to spend time together. It wasn't very often that they were all together and Natasha was just happy that she was surrounded by her loved ones. Her gaze fell on James who was napping on her lap and she gently stroked his back. She was more than grateful that she could offer her son a childhood that was so completely different from her own. She prayed that James would never ever have to see the horrors that she'd seen.

She looked up to see Steve watching her and James with a smile on his face. She'd never seen him smile so much before. She smiled back.

Steve offered to walk her and James home after dinner and they left the party after saying goodbye to everyone.

James was half asleep in his father's arms and she and Steve walked quietly through the neighborhood, admiring the Christmas decorations.

"How are we going to do Christmas?" Steve asked softly.

"Last year, James and I spent Christmas Eve alone and then were at the Bartons for Christmas Day. Pepper and Morgan also came." She thought about it for a moment. "You could come over for dinner on Christmas Eve, James can open one of his presents. And then the next day we'll have breakfast and James gets the rest of his presents and we can go together to Laura and the kids."

"Okay, good." Steve nodded and rubbed James's back who was slowing waking up.

"Mistoes! Mistoes!" James pointed at the fairy lights in the tree above them.

"Those are no mistletoes, sweetie! Those are only lights!" Natasha laughed. She didn't even know that James knew about the existence about mistletoes.

Steve let James down who was still staring at the lights. "Mistletoe looks completely different. We'll show you some, buddy."

"Mistoes! Kiss, kiss!" James nodded his head seriously. "Kiss!"

"Okay, baby!" She laughed. Jesus, her son could be stubborn. He definitely didn't get that from her. She knelt down and pressed a kiss on James's cheek.

"No! Kiss daddy!" James stumped his foot. "Mistoes means kiss! Real kiss! Auntie Wanda said magic!"

Well, at least now she knew where James had learned about mistletoe. She quickly kissed Steve's cheek, hearing his breath hitch in his throat.

"There, we kissed!"

"No! Real kiss." James puckered his lips. "Lippy kiss. It's law!"

God, her son was a little tyrant.

"James-"

Steve began, but he didn't come far because she was pressing her lips on his. She only meant to give him a quick peck to shut up James, but she didn't seem to be able to pull her lips away. Steve kept still for a second before he started to move his lips against hers. God, she hadn't properly kissed a man in so long and she'd forgotten how nice it was to kiss someone. She wrapped her arms around his neck and Steve's hands landed on her waist to pull her against him. They kissed slowly and Natasha's body was nicely tingling all over. She was about to nibble on his lower lip when James brought her back to reality.

"Mooommy! I have to peeeee!"

She pulled away from Steve whose cheeks were red and his lips were swollen. She probably didn't look any better.

Shit, what the fuck?!

"James, we'll almost home. Can you hold it until then?" She asked, ignoring how shaky her voice was.

"Okay." James reached his hand up and she took.

"Goodnight, Steve." She picked up James so she would be faster.

"Uh..." Steve's hand moved to his lips but he didn't touch them. "O-okay. Goodnight, Nat." He seemed confused. Well, so was she. "Goodnight, buddy."

"Goodnight, daddy!" James waved at him. "Mama kiss you!" He giggled and buried his face in her coat.

She gave Steve a forced smile before she basically ran away. Jesus Christ, what had just happened? She couldn't just kiss the father of her child like that! What was wrong with her?!


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

"I'm sorry, what?" Natasha stared at Laura. "Did you just say that you and the kids are celebrating Christmas this year in _Florida_?!"

"Yes." Laura answered calmly, taking a sip from her chai latte.

They had met for their lunch break at Stan's and Laura had just told her that the whole Barton family would not be in New York but be in Florida during Christmas.

"We're sick of the cold and it's not even snowing! What's the point of freezing your ass off without any snow? My parents invited us and the kids freaked out when they threw in a visit to Disney World and that Harry Potter thing. Even Cooper."

"So, we're not going to celebrate Christmas together." Natasha couldn't keep the disappointment out of her voice. It was probably great for the kids to spend Christmas with their grandparents and Micky Mouse, but she'd always celebrated Christmas with the Bartons. James always celebrated Christmas with them. And who wants to spend Christmas in fucking Florida?! With all those alligators and crazy criminals? One of Darcy's favorite things was to google Florida man and a random date to see what batshit crazy crime happened on that day.

"I'm sorry, Nat." Laura gave her a rueful smile. "You know that we love you and James, but we just...we need this. Christmas without Clint is...It's hard and the kids are finally excited for Christmas again."

Shit, she didn't want to make Laura feel guilty about that. She was a mother and she had to do what was right for her kids.

"No, I get it. I really do, Laura. Don't worry."

"You and James can come with us." She offered. "The more the merrier."

"That's sweet, but I think we'll stay here."

First Pepper and now Laura who cancelled on Christmas. Natasha almost thought that they were doing it on purpose, but she knew better. The European branch of SI had some problems that needed Pepper's expertise and she' decided to spend the rest of December with Morgan in London. Pepper had some family in England so it made sense. And Natasha knew that Laura secretly dreaded Christmas because it made Clint's absence so much more present.

Now Christmas would only be her, James, Steve, and hopefully Bucky and Wanda. But both were on duty and could be called in for a job. Sam always spent Christmas with his family and Bruce wasn't a big fan of the holidays.

Oh God, they would spend most of Christmas alone with Steve. Things were already awkward enough after the kiss and James's new hobby seemed to be to point at random objects, claiming they were mistletoe and trying to make his parents kiss. She'd showed her son a photo of actual mistletoe and didn't butch anymore when he wanted them to kiss. She loved her son, but some things were too much.

"How's Steve by the way? It was so nice of him to take Lila and Nate to a hockey game. They loved it."

"He's good. He's looking forward to his art classes next year." Natasha knew her smile was a bit forced. Steve was doing great, but he also always looked at her like he wanted to kiss her again. And it honestly confused her more than it irritated her. The kiss had been good and it'd reminded her of the other things they'd done and...well, Steve had been the last man she kissed and slept with and...She was only human after all.

"He seems more relaxed and happier now that he's taken a sabbatical."

Natasha nodded. "Yeah, he didn't want to be away from James anymore." _And me_. "He has more time for James now and they both enjoy it."

"That's great." Laura smiled. "I'm happy for them. And James is so proud that he has a dad now."

"Yeah, I know." Natasha laughed. James had told all their friends, more than once, that Steve was his father.

"And you're okay? With everything? You had James to yourself for two years. I could imagine that it's weird to share that with someone now."

"It's not. Surprisingly. Steve is always very respectful about my relationship to James and it...it feels natural to have him in the picture now."

"I'm glad to hear that." Laura said. "And everything else is okay as well? Does he still have feelings for you or were you right and he was just projecting?"

Natasha's mind went back to the kiss and how he'd looked at her after they pulled apart. His eyes had been so soft, his gaze had been almost...loving.

"Oh my god, what?" Laura's eyes went wide. "You just had a look on your face. What was that about?"

"Nothing!" Natasha said too quickly. Shit.

Laura raised an eyebrow.

"We...we kissed." Laura's eyes were as big as saucers. "James thought he saw mistletoe and wanted us to kiss."

"What?" Now Laura looked confused.

"He learned about mistletoe and wanted us to kiss. It's no big deal!"

"If you say so." Laura said with a big grin. "Just strange that _you_ let yourself get bossed around by your toddler."

* * *

Natasha and James met Steve after work and daycare at a little Christmas market near Central Park. He was already waiting for them with three hot chocolates.

She'd told Steve about the Bartons' Christmas plans while James watched a dog near by with vivid interest.

"I'm sorry, Nat. I know that you wanted to spend Christmas with them." Steve said sincerely.

"Yeah, but... I know that it will be good for them. And it's _our_ first Christmas together and we should probably find our own traditions."

"I hope so. Christmas was always very special to me and Ma." He smiled softly. "We didn't have much, but Ma made always sure that we had a wonderful Christmas."

She returned his smile, hoping that James would think back about his Christmases with the same fond expression on his face. There hadn't been any Christmases in her childhood and she just wanted more for James.

"We-" Steve began, but then he stopped himself. "Forget it."

"What?"

"It's just that...Pepper mentioned that we could stay in the house in Vermont for Christmas. We would definitely have a white Christmas there."

Woah. Going away together for Christmas? That was insane, right? But a white Christmas would be great for James and New York was definitely not going to have one. She caught James looking at the fake snow with sad eyes, completely oblivious to his parents' conversation.

"We would have to take so much stuff with us. The presents, decorations...we would have to get another tree..."

"We can take a SI jet and there are decorations, according to Pepper. So you don't hate the idea?"

"I..I'll think about it. Okay?"

The decision was kind of made for her. Wanda asked shyly her if Natasha would be okay if she skipped Christmas this year to go on a trip with a few friends. What was Natasha supposed to say? Wanda didn't even celebrate Christmas and she was happy that she'd found friends her own age. So of course she told her to go. And Bucky'd signed up for a mission that Fury had originally wanted Wanda to do, but Bucky would take her place so she could go on her trip.

Natasha wasn't going to spend Christmas in rainy New York with almost everyone out of town or even the country. No, why turn down a white Christmas if you could have one.

She knew that it could be weird with just the three of them, but the most important thing was James. She'd checked the area and there was a small town near by that seemed to be all about Christmas. There was a Christmas market, a petting zoo with reindeer, an outdoor ice rink, and so many more attractions. James would love it.

She called Steve to inform him that she was okay with them spending Christmas in Vermont, and her heart almost burst with love and adoration when she saw James's happy face when she told him that they were going to have a white Christmas this year.

* * *

The jet landed on the private air field a couple of miles away from the house. The airport staff helped Steve get their luggage into the SUV while Natasha held a sleeping James in her arms. Yes, she may have over packed, but you could never have enough warm clothes. Especially for a toddler!

She gently put James into his seat, buckled him in, and managed all of it without waking him up. Steve tipped the helpers before he got into the passenger seat. Natasha would be driving, she'd already made that clear to him during the flight.

They drove through a literal winter wonderland on their way to the house. The ground and trees were covered in snow, it was just beautiful. She was almost tempted to wake up Jame so he could see it for himself, but she knew better. James would be very energetic once he woke up and she enjoyed the calm before the storm.

"Wow." Steve whispered. "It looks like we're in some fairy tale."

"Yeah." Honestly, who would prefer Florida to this?

"I don't think I'm able to tell you how happy I am that we're celebrating Christmas together." He smiled at her. "I know that you would prefer it if everyone would be together and I would love that, too. But I just...I'm so happy that I get to spend Christmas with the two most important people in my life."

She didn't know what to say, so she gave him a half smile before her gaze returned back to the road. She was surprised how much she liked the idea of Christmas here in Vermont with only James and Steve. Her son would definitely benefit from having his father all to himself and Natasha enjoyed that she would have a quiet and intimate Christmas after the emotional chaos of the last months.

The house was just beautiful. It looked more like a chalet than a house and was covered in snow and fairy lights. Pepper had sent someone to clean, stock the fridge and pantry, and to put on the lights. Natasha and Steve would only have to unpack, get a tree and decorate.

She parked the car, they got out , and Natasha opened the backdoor to wake up James while Steve started to get their stuff out of the trunk. James stirred, waking up, when she unbuckled him and got him out of his car seat.

"Look, baby!"

James blinked his eyes open and gasped when he saw the house that really looked like it came straight out of a Hallmark Christmas movie.

"Oh! So pretty! Look, mama. Look!" He pointed excitedly at the house.

"I know. It looks very pretty. This is where we are going to spend Christmas. Do you like it?"

"Yes, mama!" He grinned and his little cheeks were red from the cold and his excitement. "Look, daddy! All the lights!"

"It looks amazing, doesn't it, buddy?" Steve walked away from the trunk of the car to stand next to them. He looked down at her and then a James with an almost serene look on his face.

James grabbed Steve's coat and pulled on it, causing him to almost stumble into her and James. She had to readjust her hold on James and she gave her son a stern look who only grinned at her cheekily. She was honestly starting to believe that James knew exactly what he was doing to his parents.

Steve was still very close to her, but they weren't touching, and they admired the view in front of them in silence. The cold was starting to get to her and she shivered slightly.

"Cold?" Steve whispered and she nodded. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder without hesitation and pulled her and James into his warm embrace.

James was more than happy to be cuddled between his parents and Natasha caught herself wishing to bury her face into his coat to breathe in his smell. Steve always smelled so good. _Okay, calm down._

"It's gonna be a great Christmas." Steve whispered and smiled down at her.

"Yeah." She creaked out, very aware of her racing pulse and something fluttering in her chest. _Shit_.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Natasha woke up later the next morning than her usual time and the spot next to her was empty. James had been too scared to sleep in Morgan's room and had slept in Natasha's bed. She understood it. A strange house could be creepy for a child. She could smell bacon and heard voices from downstairs, so she wasn't too worried about James. She slipped into a comfy robe and slippers, put her hair into a high bun and walked to the kitchen.

Steve was at the stove, flipping pancakes, and James was sitting in his high chair, watching his father.

"Good morning!" Natasha chuckled and went over to James to kiss the top of his head.

"Morning, mama!"

"Good morning, Nat."

Steve and James were already dressed and Natasha felt a bit weird in only her PJs and a robe. She double checked if the robe was closed before she sat down at the breakfast nook.

"I hope you're happy with pancakes and bacon." Steve came over to fill her mug with coffee.

"Pancaaaapes!" James squealed and looked at his father with big eyes. "Want pancapes! Please, daddy!"

"Okay, okay." Steve laughed. "Be patient, buddy. I hope it was okay that I got James ready? He was already awake when I peeked into your room."

"Yes, of course. I don't know why I slept so long. I must have been more tired than I thought I was."

"Mommy, can we go snowman?" James asked her while she drank her coffee. "Daddy said to ask you."

"Sure, baby. I'll just have to get ready after breakfast and then we can build a snowman."

Steve put two big plates with pancakes and bacon on the table and Natasha helped James cut his _pancapes _before she ate her own breakfast. James munched happily and babbled about the snowman they were going to build.

"I'm so glad that Frozen isn't as popular as it used to be." Steve said. "Thank God James was born ten years after that snowman song."

"Snowman song?" James looked at his father. "Sing!"

"Uh..."

Natasha snorted, she was curious about how Steve got out of this.

"Your mother is the singer in the family."

She glared at Steve while James begged her to sing the song for him.

"I don't really remember, baby." She lied because she didn't want to have it stuck in her head all day. "We have to get a tree today." She told James to distract him and it worked since he was now babbling about putting cutlery into the tree. Well, it was shiny. She gave him that.

She got ready for the day while Steve cleaned up the kitchen (and James) and then they got out of the house to build a snowman in the garden. James was having the time of his life and Natasha had a fun as well. Thanks to the all the snow and Steve's strength, they managed to build a snowman that was even taller than Steve. James was lifted up by his father to stick the carrot into Frosty's face and Natasha took a ton of photos of James and his new friend.

They changed into new (not wet) clothes and drove to the nearest town to get a Christmas tree. Natasha was a bit anxious that there wouldn't be any good looking ones left since it was only four days until Christmas Eve, but they had luck. They found a great one that would fit perfectly into the living room and James was already excited to decorate the tree.

Natasha wasn't sure if the people at the tree farm recognized them, but the look on their faces when Steve got the 6'5 tree onto the roof of the car all by himself was kind of hilarious.

They drove back to the house, had a light lunch and then Natasha put on some Christmas music and they started to decorate the house and tree. It was nice to do this as a family. James made sure to show his dad every ornament that he'd picked for the tree and smiled happily, when Steve complimented his choice.

James needed a nap and she managed to put him down for one in Morgan's room and got to the kitchen to make dinner. She decided to make a simple chickpea stew and got the ingredients out of the pantry.

Steve joined her and asked her if she needed any help. She gladly put him in charge of potato peeling since she hated that with a burning passion.

"I think James really likes it here." Steve said while they were both standing at the kitchen isle chopping food.

"Yeah. Me, too. I'm really looking forward to that Christmas market. I read that they offer dog sledding. I really wanna do that."

"Can we do that with James?"

"Maybe?" Natasha shrugged her shoulders. "I'm not sure. But I think so?"

"We'll look into it before we tell him about it." Steve said, picking up another potato to peel it.

_We. We'll look into it. _Natasha wasn't on her own anymore. She was part of a team now. Someone else who loved James more than anything in the world. It felt good.

"You okay, Nat?"

"Yeah." She checked the temperature of the pot and then threw the chopped onions into it.

* * *

Natasha woke up the next morning at her usual time and took a long and hot shower before she got to James's room ( he had been brave enough last night to sleep there) to wake him up and get him ready for the day. Today they would check out the Christmas village and Natasha was actually pretty excited about it.

The door was wide open and she saw that Steve was already in the room and talking to James.

"Will mama like present?"

"She's gonna love it, buddy." Steve helped James out of the bed. "I know it."

"Good." James nodded seriously and Natasha wondered what James (most likely with the financial help of Steve) had gotten her. "Santa know we're not home?"

"Yes, James. Don't worry. Santa always knows where all the kids are."

"Creepy." James decided and then his eyes landed on her. "Mama!"

"Hi, baby. Good morning!" She walked into the room to pick up James and kiss him. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yes!"

"Morning, Nat!" Steve gave her a bright smile and she couldn't help but to return it.

"Good morning."

Steve told them that he would make breakfast and Natasha helped their son get ready for the day. She knew better than to tell him what they had planned today, because otherwise he wouldn't want to eat his breakfast.

They got into the car after breakfast, only telling James that they wanted to explore the area. He sang his own versions of famous Christmas songs and she and Steve shared more than one amused look. She was probably biased but James had to be the most adorable kid ever.

James was gasping and squealing when they reached the Christmas village. It was looked amazing. If she didn't know any better, she would think that Santa Clause was living here. The houses were beautifully decorated, there were Christmas trees everywhere and everything was covered in snow. It was just perfect.

"Santa here? He lives here?!" James wanted to know.

Natasha checked and knew that there would be a Santa in the village. "Who knows. Maybe we'll see and you can talk to him."

"Really?" James gasped and got fussy in his car seat, signaling that he wanted to get out of the car.

Natasha barely managed to catch James before he could run away to check out everything for himself. She picked him up and handed him over to Steve so he wouldn't get lost. A lot of people were here and Natasha didn't want to lose sight on her son.

Their first stop was the reindeer petting zoo and James was almost losing his mind, causing her and Steve to laugh. He asked the other reindeer where Rudolph was, and was only happy when he'd petted every reindeer and his parents had taken a photo of him with each animal.

James sat on Steve's shoulders while they looked for Santa. They found him in "Santa's workshop" surrounded by elves and more reindeer. There was a line, but it wasn't too long and after some waiting, James could finally talk to Santa.

Natasha stood in front of them, a few feet away, to take photos of the whole thing. Steve was by her side, taking photos with his own phone.

"He looks happy."

She nodded. "He is."

"All I want for you and James is to be happy." He looked deeply into her eyes and something in her chest fluttered again. "Whatever you two want, I will give it to you."

"Steve-"

"Mama, look it's Santa!"

She looked back at James who was still sitting on Santa's lap and waving. "I know, baby. But I think the other kids will talk to him, too."

"Okay, mama." He thanked Santa and then hopped off his lap, running straight to her and Steve. Her heart always grew two sizes when he came running towards her with a big smile on his face.

He hugged her legs. "I'm hungry."

She laughed at his bluntness and picked him. Steve spotted crepes and James had his first one, almost shocked that the _pancapes_ were so thin, but he still seemed to enjoy them, judging by the way he was trying to steal some of his father's lunch.

Natasha had earlier spotted some stalls that sold decorations and other little trinkets and she wanted to take a look at them. James wanted to hold her hand and together they walked over to the stalls with Steve in tow. Their son oohed and awed and charmed the lady who sold toasted almonds to give him some for free. But Natasha didn't miss how Steve gave her some money when James wasn't looking.

They stopped at a stall that sold tree ornaments and Natasha couldn't believe when she saw that they sold handmade Avengers ornaments. Her gaze lingered on the Hawkeye one. God, she missed Clint so fucking much. She wished so badly for him to be still here. James tugged on her hand, but she barely paid any attention to him. Christmas had been Clint's favorite time of the year. It wasn't fair that Clint was gone.

"Are you okay, ma'am?"

She looked at the seller and only realized then that she was crying.

"Christmas always makes her sentimental. Don't worry." Steve pulled her into his arms. "We'd like to buy a set of the Avengers ornaments."

"Good choice, sir."

She felt Steve press a kiss on the top of her head and she buried herself more into his hug. She had needed his comfort and support after Clint's death so much, that one night after the battle where he'd held her in his arms hadn't been enough, and she realized that she still needed his comfort and support. She felt safe in his arms, she didn't feel so alone anymore.

"Mommy?" James asked quietly and hugged her leg. "Mommy?"

"Mommy's fine, James. She's just a little bit sad." Steve told her son. He kissed her head one more time before he let go off her to pay for their purchase.

James tried to crawl up her leg and she picked him up and he brushed her tears away with his little hands. "Luv you, mama."

"I love you, too. I just miss your uncle Clint."

Her son nodded and kissed her cheek. She couldn't help but smile. James always knew what she needed.

"Hey." Steve said softly, the paper bag with the Avengers ornaments in his hand. She was touched that he'd bought them for her. "You're feeling better?"

"Yes, thank you for..." She trailed off, not sure what to say. His eyes told her that he understood her.

"Let's treat your mom to a hot chocolate, what do you say, buddy?"

"Yes!"

They drank their drinks in silence and Natasha felt bad for ruining the mood. Steve suggested to drive back to the house after they were finished with their hot chocolates and James seemed sad. Oh crap, she was a terrible mother.

"We'll visit again tomorrow, James." Steve promised. "There's still something that your mama wants to do, but I'm a bit tired. Aren't you tired, buddy?"

James shook his head and yawned five seconds later. He would be asleep as soon as he was in his car seat.

"We'll do the dog sleighing tomorrow, sweetheart." Steve whispered into her ear. She nodded and watched him picked up their son to carry him through the Christmas market to their car.

She didn't even realize that he'd called her sweetheart until she was sitting in the car.

Natasha wasn't really hungry during dinner, but she ate because she didn't want to worry James. Or Steve. Seeing Clint's symbol had been more emotional her than she'd imagined.

"Do you wanna hang the ornaments or rather later?" Steve asked with a kind smile on his face.

"No, we should do it now."

They quickly cleaned the kitchen before they moved to the living room to add the new pieces to the tree. They let James get the ornaments out of the beg.

"That Uncle Thor." He held the hammer ornament up so Natasha could hang it into the tree.

"Uncle Bruce. Uncle Tony." He gave her the next ones. She smiled sadly at Steve when she had Tony's in her hand.

"Uncle Clint."

She took a deep breath before she took the piece from James. _I miss you so much. I wish you were here. You would have loved James so much._

"That mama's!" James squealed. "Glasshour!"

She laughed and accepted the hour glass ornament from her son. Steve watched the scene with a grin on his face.

James held up Steve's shield. "That Capn America!"

"Yes." Natasha knelt down. "And do you know who that is?"

"'nother uncle?"

"No, baby." She chuckled and saw out of the corner of her eye that Steve came closer. "That's your daddy's ornament."

James looked at his father with big eyes. "You're Capn America?"

"Yes, I am." He was now kneeling next to her. "But I'm retired like mommy. So I can be with you, James."

"And mama?"

"Yes, and your mama."

James scooted closer and looked at her until she sat properly down so he could crawl into her lap. "You were little like me."

"Yes, I was." Steve laughed and sat down cross legged next to them. "And sick a lot. My ma, your grandma, worried a lot about me."

"Grandma? Like Granny Barton?" James's eyes grew big. He didn't have any grandparents. She knew that Nick loved James, but he wasn't the cuddly grandpa type.

"My ma passed away a long time ago. I'm sorry." Steve ruffled his hair. "We have our blond hair from her."

"Mommy's hair red!" James observed and tried to tug on it. She moved his hand gently away because James was stronger than a normal two year old.

"Yes, your mother's hair is very lovely. I love it almost as much as her eyes." Steve smiled at her adoringly and Natasha almost blushed.

"Mistoe!" James tried his luck again.

But she shook her head and stood up. "It's time for bed."

James pouted, but she wasn't having none of it. She changed him into his jammies, tucked him in to sing him a lullaby, and kissed his forehead. Steve came into the room to say goodnight to him and she left the room, hearing on her way out how James asked where Steve's real shield was.

She was in her own bedroom, braiding her long hair, when Steve knocked on the door.

"Come in."

"I just wanted to check on you. I know how important Clint was to you."

"I'm better now. Thanks. It comes and goes in waves, I guess. I'm great and then suddenly it hits me again."

"Yeah, I know." He nodded sadly and she was reminded again that he'd lost, too. "Do you wanna...watch a movie? It's still early."

"Yeah, sure. Why not." She got her big and comfy cardigan from the bed and came towards Steve, stumbling over the rug. She fell straight into Steve's firm and hard chest. God, how embarrassing.

His big hands wrapped themselves around her arms and he helped her stand up. She looked up at him and their faces were only a few inches apart. She should really move away, but she couldn't. His eyes had her under their spell. She saw so much in them in that moment. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she felt things she hadn't felt in a long time. Not since Steve had left. Desire, longing and lust.

"Tasha." Steve whispered hoarsely and his gaze dropped to her lips and then back to her eyes. She shivered at the nickname, he'd called her that when they had been intimate.

The rational side of her knew that she had to shut this down before anything actually happened, but her body had a mind of its own. She rose to her tiptoes and pressed her lips against his. Every nerve felt like it was on fire and Steve's growl only fueled that fire.

And from that moment on all caution was thrown out of the window. She looped her arms around his neck and he pressed her closer against him, their kiss growing deeper. He used her moan to lick his way into her mouth and she sighed in relief. She'd missed this. She had missed him like this. No man had ever satisfied her the way he had. She slipped her hands underneath his sweater and his toned abs flexed underneath her touch.

"Don't stop." She moaned while he kissed along her neck. God, it felt so good.

"Never."

They stumbled towards the bed and fell down on it. She could feel how much Steve wanted her.

"Tasha, fuck." He groaned against her collarbone, pulling her shirt further down.

"Steve, _please_." She was going to explode if they weren't naked soon. She ached so badly for him.

"I know, I know." He murmured and sat up to remove his sweater. God, he had the body of a god. And he was all hers.

Their clothes were soon on the floor, the bed frame quietly squeaking while they were swallowing each other's moans until the early hours of the next morning.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Natasha slowly blinked her eyes open. God, she was tired. Why...

_Oh God_.

Her eyelids flew open when she remembered what had happened. She looked at the spot next to her that was...empty. She brushed her hand over the sheets and they were still a little bit warm. So Steve hadn't been gone that long.

She'd had sex with Steve. Really great sex. She shook her head. That was not what this was about.

She sat up in bed and ran a hand through her tousled hair.

She'd slept with Steve.

_The father of her child_.

Oh God, what had she been thinking?!

She got out of bed, feeling a little bit sore, and put on her pajama before she slipped into her slippers. It was time to wake up James. She didn't bother with the robe since Steve had already seen her naked within the last few hours.

Where was Steve? His clothes were gone. Had he gone back to his room? It was probably for the best, but she still felt...cheap. Like she had been just a shabby one night stand.

She opened the door and heard voices coming from James's room down the hall.

"Where is mama?"

"She's still sleeping."

"Why?"

"I guess she's still tired."

Did Natasha imagine things or did Steve sound smug?

"Mommy still sad?"

"I don't know. She'll always miss your uncle Clint. They were best friends."

"Like Uncle Bucky and me?"

"Yes, like you and Buck."

"I don't wanna mama be sad."

She took that as her cue to walk into James's room to let her son see that she was feeling better. She didn't want him to worry about her.

"Morning, baby." She pushed the door wider open and saw that Steve was wearing yesterday's clothes. Had he gone from her room straight to James's? Had he only left to take care of their son and not...Natasha didn't even know where she was going with this.

"Morning, mama!" James beamed brightly and ran over to her. She picked him up to hug him against her body.

"Hey." Steve smiled softly. "I heard him that's why..."

She nodded to tell him that she knew what he was implying. Of course, she'd woken up alone because he'd gotten up to check on their son. "Good morning, Steve."

"I can get James ready while you take a shower?"

"Thank you, that would be great." She was a bit sticky between her legs. "Be good to your dad." She kissed James's forehead before she left the room.

She only took a quick shower and changed into warm clothes. She hoped that they could do the dog sledding today. That would take her mind of having spent the night with the father of her child.

She made breakfast while James was watching so Steve could get ready for the day. James made a face when he realized that she'd made oatmeal, but they couldn't have pancakes every morning. She did make a smiley face out of almonds and fruits which delighted James. She had tricked James into eating healthy food by cutting it into funny shapes or putting smiley faces onto it more than she could count. She really hoped that he wouldn't see through that any time soon.

Steve came into the kitchen and kissed James's head before he sat down at the table. He thanked her for breakfast and she looked away when he caught her staring at him. If she didn't know any better, she would think that last night hadn't happened. But she had the love bites on her body to proof it. But then again, did she want Steve to act differently? She didn't want James to pick up on anything. She knew that her baby was wondering why his parents weren't together like other parents and she didn't want to get his hopes up. She hadn't missed yesterday how he'd watched parents who kissed with a little pout.

The Bartons face-timed after breakfast and they looked really happy. It had been the right decision for them to fly to Florida. Natasha wasn't sure if she should tell Laura about what had happened.

James was playing in the living room while she was absently reading a magazine on the sofa. Steve came into the room and sat next down to her.

"I booked us a tour with the dog sled company for this afternoon." He whispered to her. "And James can come with us. He can sit with one of us in the sled while the other one guides the dogs."

"Thank you." She paused for a second. "Look, we should probably talk..."

"We don't have to. I don't expect anything, Nat." He murmured so James wouldn't hear. "I don't regret last night. It was perfect. I wait as long as I have to. I know that you're not there yet. Last night doesn't have to mean anything if you don't want it to."

He was giving her an out and she didn't know why, but it rubbed her the wrong way. "I haven't been with a man since... well,you. Of course, it meant something to me."

She was realizing it as she was saying it. Having a private life, let alone a sex life, as a single mother with a young child was nearly impossible. She had a very special child and she couldn't let any stranger into their lives and she couldn't sleep with one of her friends. And the pregnancy had changed her body. Her hips were wider, her breast not that firm anymore, and she had stretch marks. She didn't mind the changes, but someone else seeing them made her still vulnerable. But Steve had made her feel good and desired. He'd worshiped every inch of her body last night.

Steve's gaze turned softly. "It meant something to me, too. Of course, it did. You're the only woman I've ever slept with."

"_What_?" She squeaked and James looked over to them before he focused back on his Avengers toys. "Not even with-"

"Peggy? No."

Woah. That was...wait, he had been a virgin when they had started sleeping together? Sure, he had been a bit shy, but she'd thought that it just been some time for him.

She didn't know what to think. Did that change anything? Did that make her special? Was it true what he was saying about his feelings?

"Mama, uncle Sam's head fell off!"

She looked over to James who had a headless Falcon action figure in his hand.

"Let's see if we can stick it back on, buddy." Steve gave her knee a squeeze before he got up to help James.

Natasha watched them, trying to get Sam's head back on (Bucky would have a field day with this), and warmth blossomed in her chest. She smiled, seeing them sitting next to each other. They looked so alike, it was almost creepy.

Steve looked over to her and the warmth in her body changed to heat. He smiled and she returned it. Something had changed. She didn't know what, but they were different now.

* * *

The dog sledding had been incredible. The three of them had so much fun and she knew that this was something that James would remember for a long time. He hadn't been scared at all and laughed the whole time while the dogs raced through the forest. He was probably going to be an adrenaline junkie like his parents. That wasn't really something that she was looking forward to.

James had been exhausted after the trip, almost falling with his face into his dinner, and Steve carried him to his room. Natasha was sure that James would be out until the next day. God, tomorrow was already Christmas Eve.

"He didn't even stir when I changed his clothes." Steve chuckled when he came back. "But I'm glad that he loved it."

"Yeah."

"And you looked pretty happy, too." He grinned at her and she cursed her body for reacting to it. "Very cute with those pink cheeks of excitement."

She struck her tongue out like the grown woman she was.

"I'm not mocking you, Nat. You were beautiful. You could never be anything but be beautiful to me." She smiled shyly and Steve looked like he'd won the lottery. "Are you tired or do you wanna watch a movie? We could watch Home alone like we used to every Christmas?"

"Yes, sure." She nodded and was rewarded with a happy grin.

They watched the movie, sharing a bowl of homemade popcorn, and Natasha said goodnight after the movie. She wasn't really tired yet, but the atmosphere charged with sexual tension was too much for her.

She was lying in bed, staring at the bedroom ceiling. She couldn't stop thinking about last night. She had finally felt like a woman again. She couldn't deny how good and right it had felt to sleep with Steve. And she couldn't deny that she wanted to do it again.

She made a decision and got out of bed. She checked on James who was still dead to the world before she walked to Steve's room. She opened the door without knocking.

Steve looked up from his book and put it on the bedside table. He was shirtless and her gaze dropped to his chest. Jesus Christ.

The look in his eyes told her that he knew why she was here. And that he wanted it too.

She pushed her pajama pants down. "What are we doing?"

"Whatever you want, sweetheart."

She unbuttoned her pajama top and shrugged out of it, letting it fall to the ground. She was only standing in her underwear in front of him.

"God, you're so beautiful. Come here, Tasha." His eyes were dark with desire.

She got onto the bed to crawl over to him, her ache for him almost unbearable, and he crashed their lips together, pulling her into his lap.

* * *

They had lazy morning sex before she got up to take a shower and to wake up James. She didn't know what she and Steve were doing and maybe they were making a terrible mistake, but it honestly felt too fucking good to be one.

"It's Christmas, mama!"

"It's Christmas Eve, baby."

James made a face. "No presents today?"

"Ha, no. Sorry, Santa wasn't here yet."

She walked down the stairs and put James into his high chair where Steve was already preparing breakfast for them. They shared a secret smile over James's head and Natasha bit her lip when she thought about last night and this morning. Maybe this was the perfect arrangement. They were friends again, parenting James, and they were getting laid. Honestly, it sounded damn perfect. She'd missed sex and she knew that she had lucked out with Steve. He was a very attentive lover and put her pleasure over his own. And she liked the fact that she was the only one he'd ever slept with.

Natasha decided after breakfast that it was time to write all their friends postcards and James helped her by drawing something on them. Steve watched them with gentle smile on his face, answering James's questions about being _Capn_ America.

They drove for lunch into town and then put James down for a nap because they wanted to hike through the Winter Wonderland that surrounded them.

Steve was in the hallway when she came out of James's room. "I think we can wake him in an hour."

"Okay. We should take sandwiches and hot beverages with us on our hike."

She nodded. It was a good idea and James would get hungry if they were out for some time. She liked it a lot that Steve was already so in tunes with James's needs.

"Come here." Steve grabbed her arm gently and pulled her against his chest. "I know Christmas is hard for you. It is for me, too. I miss Clint. And Tony. And my mom."

Maybe she shouldn't, but she hugged him tightly. She didn't get a lot of hugs by someone who was bigger than her. James's hugs were great, but this was also nice.

"And Peggy?" She looked up at him.

He smiled down at her. "Yes, and Peggy. But not because of what you think. She's...She's not you, Nat."

She hid her face in his soft sweater. "Steve?"

He kissed her head. "Yes"

"Do you..." She never talked with anyone about that before. "Do you think Clint knew that I was pregnant? Did he take my place because he knew? To save my baby?"

Tears were spilling out of her eyes before she could really do anything about it. That thought had crossed her mind more than she could count. Had he sacrificed himself to give James a chance?

"Oh, sweetheart." He pulled a little bit away to brush her tears with his thumbs away. "I don't have an answer to that."

"I was already five weeks pregnant by then. Maybe he saw it? That pregnancy glow? He always saw everything. I'm sure he figured out that you and I were sleeping together when we all stayed at the compound together to plan the time heist."

"I don't know, sweetheart. But if anyone would have noticed it, then it would have been him." He cupped her face in his hands and she knew that it was way more intimate than it should be between them, but she didn't care. "I wish I could get him back for you. I wish Tony was still here. I...I messed up. I should have gone with you to Vormir so that Clint would be still here with you."

"No!" The thought of Steve being dead was...It knocked the air out of her lungs. It was too painful. "No!" She grabbed his sweater to crash their lips together. Thinking about him gone forever was...It was so much worse than him going back in time.

"No." She whispered between kisses. "You can't die. I need you. We need you."

"I'm sorry, Tasha." He kissed her again. "I'll be always with you. You two are everything. I'm here. I'll never leave you."

She nodded into the kiss. She was still crying, she had no idea why, but she couldn't stop. Kissing Steve was the only thing that made sense right now. To feel that he was alive and here. She had enough of his stupid heroic behavior. He was a father now. He was her...her...her Steve. He couldn't do that heroic shit anymore.

They paused to take a breath and Natasha saw that Steve was crying as well. She cupped his face to brush his tears way. "It's okay, baby." She heard Steve's breath hitch. "We are all together now. We're still alive and we're together. We have a beautiful boy. We're the lucky ones."

She took his hand and led him to her bedroom. They still had time until they had to wake up James. And they both needed this now. She pushed Steve onto her bed before she climbed on top of him to straddle him.

"Mama, your cheeks so red!" James observed while the three of them prepared their picnic.

"I put too much make up on." Natasha lied. She couldn't tell her two year old the real reason. Whatever had happened between outside of James's room had led to very passionate and intense sex. And then to more sex. She was honestly thinking that they were going to break some record. Thank God, they were both enhanced or there wouldn't be any hike today. But afterwards they had been tangled up together, her head on his chest and he'd run his hand through her long hair. They hadn't talked, they had just been lying in bed together, and it had been almost better than the mind blowing sex.

"You don't need any make up." Steve grinned at her, very aware why her cheeks were so rosy. "You're very beautiful, isn't she, James."

"Mama pretty!" He agreed.

"Thank you." She laughed and ruffled her son's hair.

She made sure that James was perfectly clothed for the cold and kissed his cute little cheeks after she put a warm hat on his head. Once they were all ready, they chose the route that would go up a hill so they would hopefully be able to look over the area. The trail was three miles, but she or Steve could carry James when he got tired.

Steve shouldered the rucksack with their picnic and she reminded James to go to the toilet again before they left the house.

James asked all kinds of questions about the trees and animals and both his parents tried to answer them as good as possible. They swung him between him and he giggled happily. They crossed paths with other hikers, but no one paid much attention to them. They were just another family.

The view from the hill was perfect and they could see the Christmas lights from all the little towns in the area. James was sitting in her lap and they had their picnic on a bench, enjoying the view and each other's company. Natasha had noticed more than once that James was happy that he had his parents all to himself and both of them around him 24/7.

Her baby got tired and leaned his head against her chest, dozing off. She smiled down at him before she looked over to Steve. He always looked at her and James with a fond smile on his face. She believed him when he said that their little family meant everything to him.

His hand reached over the bench to hers and he wrapped his big one around her small hand. "Okay?"

She only nodded and intertwined their fingers. His hand was so warm and...it was nice to be touched by him. James mumbled something in his sleep and snuggled closer to her. She shared a smile with Steve and they sat next to each other in a comfortable silence, holding hands.

James woke up on their way back to the house, safely wrapped in his father's arms. "Mama, I'm hungry."

"Me, too, baby. We're almost at the house."

"Okidoki." He wrapped his arms around his father's neck. "I luv you, daddy."

Steve stopped in his tracks. She was sure that this was the first time James had said it to him. "I love you, too. So much, James." His eyes were glistening and she saw that his hold on James tightened.

James kissed his father's cheek and Natasha felt all warm and fussy. She was glad that she had been able to witness this. Steve looked over to her and she smiled brightly at him.

Natasha and Steve decided that James could have one present tonight and one of them would sneak to the living room during the night to put the other presents underneath the Christmas tree.

She put on music before they all sat down next to the Christmas tree and handed James a present. "This is from me and your dad. You can open it now. And maybe tomorrow morning Santa will have brought you more."

He ripped off the wrapping paper and Natasha wondered why she had put any effort in wrapping it. James squealed when he saw that he gotten a new Paw Patrol toy, but she was surprised that he didn't play with it immediately.

"Can we give mama her present?" He asked Steve.

"Don't you wanna wait?"

"No!"

"Okay." Steve laughed, standing up. "I'll get it."

He left the room and Natasha gave James a questioning look. "What did you get me, baby?"

"It's a suprise!" He gave her a baby tooth grin.

Steve came back with a big and flat present. If she had to guess, she would say that it was a frame. "This is from me and James. We hope you like it."

"Open, mama! Open!"

"Okay, baby!" She chuckled and unwrapped her present. She was right. It was a frame. It appeared to be a framed painting. She gasped, when she took a closer look. "Oh my God!"

"You like? Daddy made lines and I color!" James explained proudly.

The painting was of her as a ballerina. The picture was so detailed and it was...perfect. "Thank you." She kissed James's forehead before she pressed a kiss to the corner of Steve's mouth. "It's beautiful."

"Like you, mama." James quipped. "Daddy said you're a ballerina!"

"I made the sketch and then James helped me color it. He was very focused. He almost never drew over the lines."

"It's perfect. Thank you." She breathed out. She was gonna hang it in the living room. "I love it."

"Mama, dance!" James gave her puppy eyes. "Dance, please?"

"Do you wanna dance with me, baby?" She laughed and stood up, offering James her hand. "Come on."

She held his hands and they danced to the Christmas music. James laughed happily and she saw that Steve was filming them with his phone.

"Dance, daddy!" James squealed. "Dance with us!"

"Okay, okay." Steve put his phone down and came over to them. "Thankfully your mama taught me."

"You did?" James asked her with big eyes. "Is daddy a ballerina, too?"

"No." She snorted and picked up James. "He doesn't have the grace nor the pose for it."

"Hey!"

James giggled and Steve gave her a mock glare. She grinned at him. "Okay, baby." She said to James. "Wrap your arms around my neck and your legs around my waist."

He did as he was told and Steve wrapped his arms around her and James and they swayed to the music.

"We have a white Christmas." James observed while _I'm dreaming of a white Christmas _was playing.

"Yes, we do, buddy."

"Best Christmas ever. I have a mama _and_ a daddy."

"Oh, James." She kissed his head and Steve moved one hand to brush it through his hair.

The three of them danced together next to the Christmas tree even after James fell asleep. She knew that this was something that both she and Steve would remember for a long time. Natasha stood up on her tiptoes to press her lips against Steve's. The urge to kiss him had been overwhelming, she had to feel his lips against her own.

They kissed softly and slowly, their son between them.

"Do you really like your gift?"

They kissed again.

"I love it, Steve. Thank you."

Another kiss.

"James is right. This is the best Christmas ever."

Another kiss. This time longer.

"I have another present for you, sweetheart."

One more kiss.

"More jewelry?" She gave him a knowing look. James moved in her arms, but he didn't wake up.

"How did you know?"

"You got me a necklace and a bracelet. I'm starting to see a pattern."

"It's just..." Steve blushed. "My ma loved jewelry. She always stopped at the shops to look what's on display. She had a gold necklace with a tiny diamond, she loved that necklace...But she had to sell it to pay for my medicine." He had tears in his eyes. "I promised myself that I would buy her all the jewelry she wants one day, but... I just want you to have beautiful and shiny things, Nat. No one gives them to you, but you deserve them."

"Oh, Steve." She whispered and kissed him softly. "You're too sweet."

James stirred in her arms, waking up. "Mama?"

"Yes, we're here, baby."

"Can we all sleep in your bed, mama? Me, you and daddy? And wait for Santa?"

"Sure." She answered, surprising herself. But she really was okay with it. She'd slept in the same bed as Steve the last two nights and why shouldn't get James this for Christmas? "Let's get ready for bed then, okay?"

She looked at Steve who was smiling at her. "Thank you." He mouthed and she nodded.

She gave James a bath, helped him brush his teeth and change into his Christmas PJs, and picked him up so he could crawl into her bed before she got ready herself. She wore a similar version to James's jammies and she grinned when she saw Steve coming into the bedroom. It looked like he'd ordered the pajama set she'd shown him.

"Don't!" Steve gave her a knowing look.

"What?" She smiled innocently. "What do you think a photo of Cap in candy cane jammies would make?"

James had a happy smile on his face when his parents got into bed and he was in the middle between them.

"Goodnight mommy and daddy!"

"Goodnight, baby." She kissed his forehead.

Steve did the same. "Goodnight, buddy."

* * *

_Happy Holidays!_


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Steve was in heaven. He had James and Natasha in his arms who were still sleeping, but he didn't doubt that their son would wake up soon to see what Santa had brought him. Steve had woken up in the night and sneaked out to put James's parents underneath the tree. He was so incredibly happy to spend Christmas with his family. Steve could honestly say that he had never been happier.

Natasha mumbled something in her sleep and he waited for her to wake up, but she only snuggled closer to him and James. God, he loved her so much. He knew that she needed time to figure out her own feelings for him and he would give her that since it had taken him some time himself to realize that his heart belonged to her. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but he was sure that she felt the same. He had seen it in her eyes yesterday when they had been outside James's room and he was sure that she wouldn't sleep with him if she didn't have feelings for him. But then again, he wasn't 100 percent sure.

James's eyes fluttered open. "Daddy? Christmas?"

"Yes, buddy. Merry Christmas." He whispered softly and his heart grew two sizes when James beamed happily at him. Having a child was truly the most amazing thing in the world.

"Merry Christmas, daddy!" James shrieked, waking his mother up.

"Huh?" Natasha looked disorientated for a moment before her focus landed on him and James. "Merry Christmas, baby."

"Merry Christmas, mama!" James pressed a kiss to Natasha's cheek. "Presents?"

They both laughed, watching James crawl to the end of the bed and jump down. Natasha's hand squeezed his. "Merry Christmas, Steve."

He squeezed her hand back. "Merry Christmas, Nat."

"Santa! Santa!" James yelled while he ran out of the room.

They followed James downstairs who was gaping at his presents. He tore into them while Natasha and he watched him with amused looks on their faces.

Natasha and James had gotten him new pencils for his art classes and a collage of baby pictures of James.

"Thank you." He was touched, he hadn't seen those photos before and now they were his. He hated that he'd missed so much of James's life.

"It's no portrait-" Natasha's cheeks turned pink.

"It's perfect. Thank you."

She nodded and James wanted her to help him set up his new Lego Duplo. He pulled Nat's other present out underneath the tree while she was busy with James.

"Here." He handed her the velvet box when she looked at him. "I hope you like it."

"Steve." She smiled and opened the box. He meant what he'd said yesterday. Natasha deserved to be showered in gifts and he was glad that he could buy her the things that his ma had always admired. "They're beautiful, thank you."

She kissed his cheek and he smiled dumbly. He'd gotten her emerald earrings that reminded him of her (and James's) eyes.

"Mama, wanna see!" James came closer and Nat showed him her gift. "Oh, pretty." He said and then he lost interest and went back to play with his new toys.

"I feel bad. Your gifts are so thoughtful and I-" Natasha started but he shook his head.

"No, I love my gifts. And you've given me already everything." He looked over to James. "I have everything I could want. I'm glad you like the earrings."

"I do." She smiled beautifully and his heart fluttered in his chest.

They face-timed their friends to wish them a great Christmas, and later they baked cookies and went for a walk and built another snowman. It was truly the best Christmas Steve had ever had. James looked so happy and Steve's heart fluttered every time he looked at Natasha whose cheeks were flushed from the cold. God, she was so beautiful.

He was sad that they were leaving tomorrow. He wanted to stay here forever. He was almost scared to go back to New York because he had no idea what that would mean for him and Nat. Would they keep sleeping together or was this just a one time thing while they were in Vermont? He wanted to keep having sex with her, he wanted an actual relationship with her. He wanted the three of them to live together, he wanted to marry Natasha and have more children with her.

A snowball hit him and he looked at James who pointed at his mother who grinned smugly. He ran over to her and grabbed her by the waist. Natasha shrieked and tried to get out of his embrace. He dropped her onto a pile of snow and knelt over her.

She was laughing and sat up, their face only a few inches away from each other. Her eyes had an amused glint in them.

"I'm gonna make you pay for that." She whispered lowly. "You're not getting inside of me tonight."

"No?" He gulped out.

"No. But you're gonna use your mouth a lot later." She gave him her signature half smirk.

"That's okay with me."

James attacked them seconds later, throwing himself at him. Natasha hugged him against him, falling back into the snow. Steve looked down at the two, not being able to understand how he got so lucky. Natasha and James were the loves of his life.

* * *

They were back in New York for two weeks and Steve missed their time in Vermont, but it was also good to be back home. New Year's Eve had been a small party at Pepper's and Steve had gotten a kiss on the cheek from Natasha at midnight.

Steve came over every evening to have dinner with Natasha and James, and he helped bring their son to bed. James had also stayed over at his place twice. Natasha had stayed until the kid was asleep so he wouldn't get homesick.

And yes, he and Natasha were still sleeping with each other. They usually tucked James in, enjoyed a glass of wine, Natasha would check on James, and then they would disappear into her bedroom. She didn't want him to stay the night so James wouldn't get the wrong idea. Steve didn't want to leave in the middle of the night, but he had to respect Natasha's decisions. He would give her as much time as she needed.

He was working on a sketch for his art class when his cell phone rang. He checked the screen and was surprised that Natasha was calling him from her landline.

"Nat?"

"_Daddy_?"

The panic in James's voice sent a shiver down his spine. "James? What's wrong, buddy?"

"Mommy sick! She's puking and a ghost! Can you come and save mommy?!"

He jumped off the couch and grabbed his wallet and keys. "I'm on my way. Where's mommy right now?"

"In the bathroom. She say she fine, but she's not! Is mama gonna mad that I tell you?"

"No, buddy. She won't be mad. I'll be with you shortly and take care of mama, okay?"

"Okay." James said before he hung up.

If he wan't so worried about Nat, he would have been impressed that his son was able to call him. He knew that Natasha's serum wasn't like his, so she could get sick from time to time. He didn't know if James had ever seen his mother sick, so it was possible that he was freaking out right now. Steve was in such a hurry that he forgot a coat, but it didn't matter. He sprinted down the street and then around the corner and he already saw Natasha's building.

Someone left the building and he ran through the open door and then up the stairs. He knocked on the door and a few seconds later it opened.

"Daddy!"

He looked down at James and smiled at him. "Hi, buddy. Where's mommy?"

"Still bathroom."

He picked James up and sat him down onto the couch. He turned the TV on and zapped through the channels until he found something for kids. Maybe not the best parenting technique, but he wanted James distracted while he checked on Nat.

"I'll be right back."

"Is mama okay?" He asked with big eyes.

"Yes. Don't worry."

James's gaze moved to the screen and Steve left the living room to get to Nat. The bathroom door was closed and he opened it.

"I'm okay, baby. I'll be right with you." Natasha groaned out, kneeling in front of the toilet.

Was she _pregnant_? Steve shook his head and pushed that thought away. "Natasha?"

She looked over her shoulder, surprise evident on her place face. She really looked like a ghost."Steve?"

"James called me. What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"_Nat_."

"Okay, fine. I think I got the flu." She shivered and he only noticed now that she was still in her work clothes. A blouse and a pencil skirt couldn't be that warm. "Where's James?"

"Watching TV." He walked over to her and pressed his hand against her forehead. Jesus, she was burning up. "Oh, sweetheart."

"I'm freezing. I don't feel so good." She really had to feel bad if she was admitting that.

"Come here." He wrapped his arms around her. "Let's get you into bed." He moved one arm underneath her knees and lifted her up to carry her to her bedroom. He put her gently onto the mattress and helped her undress and change into her pajamas.

James came into the room when Natasha was snuggled underneath a few blankets. "Mommy?"

"I'm okay, baby. Daddy's taking care of me. I'm sorry I scared you." Steve saw how much Natasha was struggling to talk to James without showing how weak she was. She'd dozed off several times while he changed her clothes.

"Cuddle?" James patted over to the end of Natasha's bed.

"Not now, baby. Sorry, but I don't want you to get sick. Your immune system isn't as strong as your daddy's yet. You could get what I have."

James pouted. "Wanna cuddle!"

Natasha sighed and tried to hide a shiver. "Daddy can cuddle with you."

"Do you want me to ask Uncle Bucky if he can hang with you, buddy?" Steve asked, hoping that Bucky could take James for a night or two. Natasha was too sick and Steve would be busy with looking after her. And James would be out of the apartment and hopefully not catch what Nat had.

"Okay."

Bucky was thankfully free and picked up James an hour later for a sleepover. Steve was more than thankful and he was touched that Bucky had shown up with Tylenol for Natasha.

Natasha was mostly sleeping and she objected when he asked her if he should call Helen to check up on her. He accepted her no with gritted teeth. He was going to call Cho if Natasha was getting worse.

Natasha woke up with a gasp when he came into her room to check on her. "Where's James?!"

"Bucky picked him up. He's fine, don't worry."

Natasha nodded and groaned. "I feel like shit."

"Can I get you anything? I ordered ramen, do you want some? I couldn't find a place that delivers chicken soup."

"I don't think I can stomach that right now. But thank you. You should have just taken James and then gone home with them, Steve. You don't have to stay here."

He sat down on the edge of her bed. "I'm taking care of you and Bucky is looking after James. I am where I want to be."

Natasha closed her eyes and a shiver went through her body causing her body to shake. Steve didn't think. He just acted. He toed his shoes off and slipped underneath the blankets to pull Natasha against his chest. She didn't fight him, she snuggled into his embrace to soak up his warmth.

"Try to get some sleep." He whispered and she nodded against his sweater.

An hour later Natasha woke up, feeling too hot, and she tried to get out of her pajamas and ended up lying in bed in only her underwear. Steve tried his best not to stare at her. He'd seen her naked before, but they weren't exactly a couple yet, and he wasn't sure if he was allowed to see her naked when it wasn't sex related.

He left her alone since his body heat was now too much for her and he sat down in the living room, checking his phone. Bucky had texted that James was asleep after a trip to McDonalds. Well, Natasha wouldn't be happy about that trip, but she was too sick to deal with that.

He was going through Natasha's medicine cabinet to see what she had for herself, but of course almost everything was medicine for children. Bucky had brought Tylenol and something for Nat's stomach, but Steve wasn't sure if that was enough. Maybe she needed antibiotics or at least something stronger against the fever.

Natasha was groaning and he left the bathroom to check on her. He found her sitting on her bed, getting back into her pajama. Her hair was sticking to her head and she still looked very pale.

"Hi."

She turned her head to look at him. She smiled a little, but it looked like it took her a lot of strength to do that. "Hi."

Her voice sounded terrible. He figured that she also had a sore throat. She had to see a doctor. He was going to call Cho whether Nat liked that or not.

"Are you hungry?"

Nat shook her head. "No." She cleared her throat. "I think I need a shower. I'm sweaty and gross."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"I'm not dying, Steve. I can take a shower."

"Fine." He crossed his arms. "You can take a shower if you let Helen take a look at you."

She raised an eyebrow. "Seriously-" A coughing fit interrupted her. "Okay, fine."

"Thank you." He sighed in relief and texted Cho, asking her to do a house visit.

"It's just the flu, Steve." Natasha said softly. "It's going around at the moment. I probably caught it at daycare."

"You'll get better faster when Helen gives you the right meds."

"God, I hate that my serum isn't as strong as yours." Natasha groaned, trying to stand up. He ran over to her to help her. He was surprised that she let him. "I'm thirsty."

"I got you Gatorade."

She nodded a thanks and he helped her into the kitchen where she slowly emptied a bottle of Gatorade. His phone buzzed and he saw that Helen had answered. Shit, she wouldn't be able to come over tonight. She was busy at SHIELD. But at least she would send someone with meds for Natasha.

"I think I'll try some of the ramen now."

He reheated it for Nat and the doorbell rang while Natasha ate her soup. He excused himself to answer the door. He hoped that SHIELD had developed something that would beat Nat's flu quickly. He didn't like to see her like this.

He opened the door and was face to face with _Sharon_. He hadn't seen her since he'd come back. She had been overseas and he honestly didn't know what to say to her. He owed her an apology. He shouldn't have kissed her after Peggy's funeral and Berlin, and she must have felt weird knowing that he'd gone back with the intention to be with her aunt. He hadn't told Peggy that he'd kissed her niece. She would have probably murdered him.

"Uh, hi."

"Hey." She nodded and helped up a paper bag. "This is for Natasha. I was on my way out when Helen asked."

"Thank you." He accepted the bag and noticed the diamond ring on her left ring finger. "Uh, congratulations."

A smile lit up her face. "Thank you. We're getting married this summer. Uh, um, tell Natasha to get better."

"I will." He said and Sharon was about to leave. "I'm sorry-"

"It's okay. We were both sad and confused. It's better this way. Getting together would have been more than weird. And I deserve more than a man who pined after my aunt."

"That's true. I'm still sorry."

"Apology accepted." She smiled. "I should get going. Tom's waiting at home for me. I hope that this time it will work out for you. Sharing your life with someone is...it's everything. Aunt Peg shared hers with Uncle Daniel and I hope you'll find that, too."

"I'm working on it. I wish you the best, Sharon. I hope you'll be very happy with Tom."

"I think I will." Her face lit up again, she was truly in love. "Say hi to Nat for me."

He watched Sharon leave before he closed the door. He was happy for her that she found love. She was a remarkable woman and he hadn't treated her the way that she deserved, and he was truly sorry for that.

He opened the bag and read the note that Helen had included so he would know how to treat Natasha. The pills were supposed to fight off the flu within 48 hours. It was insane what science could do these days.

"Who was at the door?" Natasha asked when he came back into the kitchen. The soup was only half gone, but it looked like she was done with dinner.

"Sharon. She brought your meds."

Nat made a face. "That must have been awkward."

"A bit." He answered truthfully. "We talked. I apologized. She's engaged."

"Yeah. To Tom. He's a nice guy. Works for the DOJ."

He wasn't really surprised that Natasha knew all about that and he didn't bother to ask why she hadn't told him. It didn't matter.

Steve filled a glass with water and gave it to Natasha with two pills. " Take them and drink the whole glass. You have to take another two pills tomorrow. Cho says that your flu should be gone in two days."

Nat did as she was told. "I hope it works as fast as Helen claims. I feel like shit." She emptied the glass and put it down. "Can you...help me take a shower now? Please?"

Her voice sounded small and he was aware how hard it was for her to ask for help. "Of course, Nat."

"It's not like you haven't seen everything before, right?" She joked when they were in her bathroom and she got out of her pajama.

He smiled at her comment and helped her climb into the bathtub. He would only rinse her quickly off, she was in no state for a long and hot shower. He checked the temperature before he moved the shower head over her body to wash off her sweat. He quickly wrapped her into a big towel and helped her out of the tub. Natasha changed into a new pajama and went back to bed.

"Do you need anything else?"

Natasha looked at the water bottles on her nightstand. "No, thank you."

"Okay. I'm in earshot if you do need anything."

"Thank you. For coming over and taking care of me."

"You don't have to thank me for that. We're family."

She nodded tiredly and snuggled under the blankets. Steve wished her a good night before he left her room, leaving the door a crack open so he could check on her breathing better.

He wasn't tired yet and cleaned up the kitchen and James's toys in the living room. Bucky had texted him, offering to watch James as long as Natasha was sick. Steve thanked him but he was sure that James could come home soon.

Steve was flicking through Natasha's magazine when he heard noises coming from her room. He got up from the couch to check on her. He found her shivering in her bed, her forehead sweaty.

"Steve." She looked surprised to see him. "Hi."

"Hi. How are you?"

"I think my fever's breaking?" It sounded more like a question. "Are you really here or am I hallucinating?"

"I'm really here, Nat."

She sat up straight in bed. "Where's James?!"

"With Bucky. He picked him up."

"Right." She lied down again, her eyes unfocused. She seemed really out of it. "Come here. Lie with me."

He hesitated for a second, but then he got into her bed. She needed him now. "I'm here, Tasha."

She wrapped herself around him like a koala. Her skin was feverish hot. He really hoped that the fever would go down during the night. "I missed you so much." She mumbled into his chest. "I...I always hoped that you would come back to me. And James. We're supposed to be together. The three of us."

"I know and I'm so sorry." He hated him for what he had done to her. Natasha may have forgiven him, but he hadn't yet.

"Being a single mom was tough...I wanted you to do this with me. I never told anyone, but I wished that you would come back to me and James. He's so much like you. He loves you so much. You can't leave again."

"Never. I will never leave him and you again. I love you both so much." He whispered fiercely, meaning every word. Natasha and James were his world.

"I was so lonely." She tightened her hold on him. He ran his hand over her back and hoped it was soothing for her. "I knew I could raise James on my own and I did, but something was missing. I thought about dating, but I knew that I couldn't let a stranger into our lives. James had to be protected. And I couldn't date one of our friends. It would have been too weird. I thought about dating Bucky-" Steve felt like he got punched in the gut. "But it wouldn't have been fair to him. He deserves more. I couldn't be with him just because I was lonely and longed after someone to share everything with. It wouldn't have been for the right reasons. He wouldn't be you. No one is like you._"_

Steve was aware that the fever made Natasha open up like that. She wouldn't have told him any of that if she wasn't sick. _No one is like you. _What did she mean with that? Hope was blooming in his chest. Did she have feelings for him? He wished for nothing more, but he knew that there was a chance that his love was unrequited.

"Do you really love me?" Natasha looked up at him with big eyes. He'd never seen her so vulnerable and open before.

"Yes, with all my heart and soul."

She gave him a shy smile and pressed a kiss to his jaw. "No one has ever loved me before."

"Do you believe me now when I say that I'm in love with you and only you?"

"Yes, I do, Steve." Her hand move to rest over his heart. "I think I was jealous when you left me for Peggy."

Steve's breath got caught in his throat. Had he heard right? She had been jealous? That meant she had feelings, right?

"I've only ever been yours." He promised her and kissed the top of her head. He loved her red hair. It was his favorite color.

"Good. Mine." She mumbled, her hand searched for his and she laced their fingers together when she found it. His heart fluttered in his chest. "You're mine."


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

"Yes, thank you so much. I'll send you the documents asap." Natasha promised the owner of the building where the foundation planned to open a new youth center. She wished the woman a nice day and hung up. She really hoped that they would be able to close the deal and could soon start with renovating. If everything would go well, this would be their third center in New York City for kids and teenagers who needed help. She hoped that she was making Clint proud with her work.

Her office door opened and Darcy came in with a bouquet of flowers in her arms. "Jesus, who is the guy who's sending you all these flowers?" She huffed while she put the flowers on a sideboard in Natasha's office. "I think that bouquet weighs more than a baby!"

Natasha ignored Darcy's question. There was only one person who could have sent those flowers and it was none of Darcy's business. "Do you have the bank statements ready?"

"Yes. I added them to the other documents."

"Great. Thank you, Darcy."

The other woman nodded. "Please tell me who sends you all those gifts! Does he have a brother? Who is also willing to send a lady flowers, muffins, and chocolate?"

"You can take your lunch break now if you want." Natasha said with a grin when Darcy pouted.

"Fine, then don't tell me. It's not like I don't already have a suspicion." Now Darcy was grinning. "God bless America!" She saluted before she left Natasha's office.

Well, Darcy wasn't wrong, but Natasha wouldn't tell her that. Yes, Steve was sending little gifts to her office. And Natasha liked it. She liked it a lot. He'd started doing it after she had been back on her feet after her flu.

Natasha couldn't really remember much from those days, apparently James had _called_ Steve to tell him that his mother was sick, and that was both amazing and terrifying. She knew that her baby was special, but James being able to use a telephone was...definitely something. She would have to childproof her landline somehow so he wouldn't start calling random numbers. She had made her son memorize her number, and then later Steve's, for emergencies, but him actually calling his father all by himself made her realize again how smart their boy was.

She didn't remember much, but she knew that it had been nice to be taken care of by Steve. He'd looked after her the whole time until she'd fully recovered and James could come back home. She remembered them talking in her bedroom about...Peggy? It was all still a bit fuzzy. But Steve was different. He was more open in his affection towards her and she had to admit that it was nice to be treated like that. It wasn't just sex between them, she knew that. It was...more and it made her feel good. She really liked the stage they were in now. She wouldn't mind if it would be like that for a long time.

Her phone buzzed on her desk and she saw that Steve had sent her a selfie of him and James. The two were at an indoor playground today and it looked like they had a great time. She would have loved to come with them, but she had work to do and James should have a day with just his dad.

Her phone buzzed again and Steve had sent her a short video of James blowing kisses at the camera and saying that he loved her. Her heart almost burst out of her chest. She loved her baby so much.

The first thing Natasha did after coming home was to kick off her high heels. She stretched her feet and bent down to scratch Liho underneath her chin. Poor thing had been hiding in her cat cave when Natasha had been sick. The cat rubbed herself against Natasha's legs before she went back to her favorite spot on top of her cat tree.

Natasha checked her watch and it looked like she still had some time before Steve and James would come back. She'd accepted Steve's offer to bring take out with much gratitude because she was in no mood to make dinner. She was just glad to be home after a long day in the office, but it did look like they would be able to open the new center where they wanted to. So that was something.

She went to the bathroom to freshen up and to change into more comfortable clothes. The doorbell rang when she was about to make herself some tea.

"Mama!" James shrieked happily when she opened the door. "Hello!"

"Hi, baby!" She picked him up and kissed his cheek. God, he was getting heavier by the day. Soon, he wouldn't be so little anymore.

Steve smiled at her when she looked from her son to him. He held up two paper bags. "We come bearing food."

"Well, then come in!"

James told her all about his day with his dad over dinner and she was more than thankful that James got to have this. That he had a father now. It had been wonderful with just the two of them, but she could see how happy her son was that he had a daddy.

After dinner it was time for James's bath which he wasn't really a fan of, but he bravely let his parents bathe him. Natasha tucked him into bed and read him a story before she sang him a lullaby and kissed his forehead.

Steve had cleaned up the bathroom while Natasha had been with James, and she thanked him for it. He waved her off and asked her if she wanted to watch a movie with him.

They ended up watching Moulin Rouge and Steve had her feet in his lap and was massaging them. Oh yes, this felt really nice. She would have liked that during her pregnancy.

She told Steve about work and how close they were on getting the space they wanted, and she blushed when he told her how proud he was of her.

"Thank you."

"I mean every word. What you're doing is amazing, Nat. You're amazing." He gave her foot a squeeze. "I'm so in awe of you."

She never knew how to handle compliments and coming from Steve, they meant even more. "You're pretty awesome yourself."

He grabbed her hand and before she knew what was happening, she was sitting in his lap. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me. You showed me how this world works, you helped me find my place, you became my best friend and home, and you gave me a son." He cupped her face in his hands and her heart was fluttering. No one had ever said something like that to her.

She couldn't find any words, so she pressed her lips against Steve's. They kissed softly, like they had all the time in the world, and Natasha realized that they did. Their lives were different now, they were pretty much civilians, they could get to live like this.

"Steve." She whispered when he kissed along her neck. "Take me to my room, honey. Make love to me." She'd never referred to sex like this before, but there were no other words to describe what she wanted, no, needed from him.

"Anything for you, Tasha. God, you're so perfect." Steve murmured before he kissed her and then carried her to her bedroom.

* * *

"And now, daddy?" James looked up at Steve.

"Well, now we have to marinate the chicken." His father explained. "Do you know what that means?"

"No."

Natasha watched the scene before her with a big smile on her face. Steve had come over to cook with them one of his mother's recipes and James was very excited. He asked Steve lots of questions about the dish and his grandmother, and Natasha had never heard Steve talk so much about his mother before.

"That means we have to rub the chicken with oil and herbs so it will taste better."

James made a face. "I not wanna touch it! It's nakiiid!"

Natasha snorted and Steve looked like he was fighting off a smile. "That's okay. I'll do it, buddy."

"Mama can do it! Mama can do everything!"

"We promised your mama that we would make dinner tonight, remember?"

James nodded and looked over to her. "The chicken is nakiiid!"

"I can see that." She patted her lap. "Come sit with me while daddy rubs the naked chick. He's_ really_ good at it."

"Jesus, Nat!" Steve muttered underneath his breath and she gave him a cheeky grin. James was oblivious to what was going on and climbed into her lap.

"Do you have fun cooking with daddy?" She asked him, brushing her hand through his soft hair.

"Yes!"

"Glad to hear." She kissed his forehead and watched Steve marinate the chicken. The three of them doing domestic things together was honestly pure bliss. She knew that not everyone got to have what the three of them had, and she was very thankful.

James was back on his stool next to Steve when he was done with the chicken. Together they prepared baked potatoes and a salad, and Steve shared more of his childhood with James. She was glad that at least one of James's parents had had a good childhood.

The chicken smelled amazing when Steve got it out of the oven and it tasted even better.

She looked over to Steve and her breath got caught in her throat. He looked so at peace, so happy that he was here with her and James. The lost look in his eyes, that had been there since they'd met on the helicarier all those years ago, was truly gone. He was home now. She and James were his home. And he was theirs. And he _loved_ her. Steve Rogers loved her. She remembered now what they had been talking about when she had been sick. Steve was hers and he would never leave.

"Are you okay?" Steve asked softly.

She blinked and noticed the tears in her eyes. "Yes. I'm just happy."

"Me, too!" James beamed happily and shoved another piece of chicken into his mouth. "Yummy!"

Steve's hand moved to her thigh and he squeezed her knee. "I'm happy, too."

James disappeared into the living room to play with Liho after dinner, and she and Steve cleaned up the kitchen. "About earlier-"

"It was nothing, Steve. I just realized how lucky we are to have this." She smiled at him. "I'm lucky to have you."

"I'm the lucky one, believe me." He whispered before he gave her a sweet kiss.

They pulled apart when they heard James's feet on the hardwood floor. He asked if he could have more juice before he ran back into the living room. Natasha filled his sippy cup with juice and water (James had no idea that she watered down his "drinks") and Steve grabbed her by the waist before she could bring their son his drink.

He kissed her deeply before he sent her with a pat on her ass to the living room. She mock-glared at him over her shoulder but he only winked at her.

* * *

The next few weeks were stressful for Natasha. Planning the new center took a lot of time and she was determent to only work with companies that believed in the project and not those that only wanted the job for the money. But in the end she found the right people and construction would soon begin. If everything went according to plan, the new center would open in late fall.

James spent a lot of time with Steve during those weeks since Natasha was practically clued to her desk. And she had to admit that it was nice to come home and dinner was already waiting for her and James didn't leave her side because he'd missed her all day. She missed him too when she wasn't with him. She wanted to be with James 24/7, but it wasn't possible. And probably not really healthy, especially when he got older.

Natasha took a cab home and blanked when the cabbie wished her a Happy Valentine's Day. Huh, was it already Valentines Day? Wow, she totally missed that. Oh no, hopefully James hadn't needed to bring anything special to daycare today!

She paid the driver and walked up the stairs to her apartment. She unlocked the door and James was already hugging her legs by the time she half opened the door. Everything about work was completely forgotten.

"Happy valtines day!" James squealed. "Happy valtines day, mama!"

She picked him up and kissed him. "Happy Valentine's day, baby!"

She let him down and he led her to the living room that was decorated with pink heart balloons and flowers. "Daddy and I did that!" He announced proudly.

"Wow, it looks amazing!" She was touched. It was so sweet and such a Steve thing to do. "I love it. Thank you!"

"Daddy made food!" He led her to the kitchen where Steve was standing in front of the stove. Her eyes landed on the kitchen table that was decorated in a Valentine's theme. Her boys treated her so well.

"Hey!" Steve turned around and smiled at her. God, he was so handsome. Her heart was beating faster. "Happy Valentine's Day!"

She wished him the same and thanked him for everything by kissing his cheek. Steve had made risotto and she appreciated the fact that he was trying to be a better cook. His mom's chicken had been amazing and this risotto was great as well.

The three of them watched a Disney movie together before James was tucked into bed by both his parents.

She and Steve sat down in the living room with two glass of red wine. "I completely forgot that Valentine's Day was today." She admitted.

"You work too much. You don't have to do everything yourself." He gave her a knowing look. "Darcy and the others can take on some of your work load."

"Yeah, I know...I just...I want it to be perfect."

"And it will be. You're honoring Clint's memory in the best way possible, sweetheart."

Of course Steve knew why she wanted everything to be perfect. "Thank you for tonight. I...I don't have anything for you..." She was ashamed. Steve did so much and she didn't even have a little gift for him.

"I don't want anything. Having dinner with my family is more than enough." He opened his arms and she moved to lie in his embrace. "This is all I need."

She was with her back against his chest and leaned her head on his shoulder to look at him. "Kiss me."

"So bossy." He chuckled, but he captured her lips in a kiss that made her toes curl.

"Happy Valentine's Day." She whispered against his lips and kissed him again.

* * *

It had been ages since everyone was in the same room at the same time, so Natasha gladly accepted Pepper's invitation to Sunday brunch. Almost everyone would be able to make it, and she was happy to see her family. She had enjoyed to form a family bond with Steve, but she missed the rest of the family. She'd seen Laura and Pepper from time to time, but not the others since work had been so busy. Even Rhodey would be there and Natasha hadn't seen him in ages since he was leading the European branch of the Avengers.

Natasha had already showered and was dressed, and now she was helping James to get ready. He was excited to see everyone and had drawn everyone something. Natasha had currently ten paintings in her tote bag so James could give them to his uncles, aunts, and cousins.

She was showing James how to tie his shoes when someone knocked on the door. She quickly finished tying James's shoes and helped him off the bench. "That has to be daddy. Go and let him in!"

James ran over to the door and jumped up to open it. Steve had a key, but he always knocked when he came over. "Hey, buddy!"

"Daddy!"

Father and son greeted each other with hugs and kisses and James ran back into the living room to say bye to Liho.

"Hi." She walked over to Steve and pecked his lips.

"Hi." He echoed and gave her another peck. He took the tote bag from her that had James's paintings and a quiche that Natasha had bought yesterday in it.

James came back and they left the apartment to get to Pepper's house. James ran immediately into Bucky's arm, happy to be reunited with his uncle who had been out of the country for the last several weeks. Natasha gave Wanda a long hug since she hadn't seen the woman since Pepper's Christmas party. Everyone loved James's gifts and he grinned proudly when they complimented his work.

The brunch lasted hours since they were all busy with talking than actually eating. Only the kids were stuffing their faces with food. They got caught up with each other's lives and James got very excited when he heard that Thor was planning to come to Earth in the next months.

Sam let it slip that he was kind of seeing someone and the fact that he didn't say anything more showed Natasha that it could be something serious. She was happy for him. She looked over to Bucky, wondering if he was ready for the dating world. He was such a great guy and he deserved someone who made him happy. He was so important to her and James, and she wanted him to be happy. Maybe she could set him up with some-

"Do you kiss?" James asked Sam, interrupting Natasha's train of thoughts.

Sam looked a little bit embarrassed, which was adorable, and he shot Bucky a death glare because he was laughing about James's question.

"Well, uh, yeah, sometimes, little man."

James hummed and nodded. "Mommy and daddy kiss. They think I don't know, but I do. They kiss and daddy stay in mommy's room. Like Liho stay with me."

_Whaaat?!_

Natasha dropped her fork and it fell onto the plate with a loud bang. She was staring at James, but she felt everyone's eyes on her.

Oh God, oh God, oh God. James knew?!

Shit!


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

"Mama, when Daddy coming?" James asked Natasha over breakfast.

"He'll pick you up from daycare and you'll sleep at daddy's tonight." She told him while helping him cut his pancakes. "Are you excited for boys night?"

"Why is Daddy not staying here?" Her son asked with big eyes. "Are you mad?"

"No, baby. I'm not mad." She said softly.

She wasn't mad at James or anyone else. It was her own fault that he'd figured out that his parents had been involved. She shouldn't have started something with Steve, or at least she should have been more careful about it. Now James had all these hopes about Steve moving in and his parents getting married, and Natasha wasn't so sure if that would ever turn into reality. She knew that Steve wanted a real relationship, he'd mentioned that more than once since James had dropped his bomb, but she didn't know if that was something that she wanted. Was she really relationship material? What if they broke up, hating each other? They were in each other's life forever because of James.

"Mama?"

"Hm?"

"Can Liho come with me today?"

"Oh no, baby. Sorry, that's not possible."

James made an unhappy noise, but nodded. "Okay. Daddy misses you. You're not smiling so much anymore."

Leave it to a child to abruptly change the subject. She had told Steve after that brunch that they should hit the breaks and stop sleeping together. They only saw each other now when one of them was picking up James from the other one. They truly acted like a divorced couple who shared custody. She missed him, but she didn't know if it was enough for a relationship.

"Daddy loves you! Don't you love daddy?!"

Oh, God. She really wished that James hadn't asked her that. She didn't know if she had an answer to that. She loved Steve, she always had. But was she _in love_ with him? She didn't know. Was she even capable of that kind of love?

"You know that there are different versions of love? Family love, love between friends, romantic love...Your father is my best friend and I've always loved him." She answered, hoping this non-answer was enough for her two year old. Really, it was too early for these kind of talks. Liho walked into the kitchen in that moment and thankfully James was distracted.

Natasha walked her son to daycare before she hailed a cab that took her to work. Darcy greeted her with a big smile and informed her that the city approved their plans for a new playground behind the new center. Natasha took a closer look at her co-worker and she was sure that this wasn't the reason why Darcy was smiling so much. She was tempted to probe more to distract herself from her own private mess, but she had too much work today. Hopefully that would make her not think too much about Steve.

The morning was spent by going over finance reports and Natasha couldn't wait to leave her office for lunch break. She never cared for this side for the job, but it had to be done.

She shut down her laptop, grabbed her coat and purse, and left the office. She was going to treat herself today and have a nice burger with lots of cheese and bacon. She checked her phone, not looking up, and ran into someone.

"Oh, I'm sorry!"

"It's fine, Nat."

Crap. She knew that voice, she looked up and Steve was standing in front of her. Fuck. She wasn't going to see him today. Was he here by accident or...The expression on his face told her that he was near her office on purpose. He was a stubborn man after all.

"Are you on your lunch break?" He didn't let her answer. "I'm free right now. Let me buy you lunch."

"Steve-" She sighed. "I don't think that's-"

"Please, Nat. It can't go on like this. We have to talk about this. Let me buy you lunch." He gave her a pleading look and the desperation in his eyes made her nod her head. He smiled shyly. "Thank you. What are you in the mood for? Burgers?"

God, he knew her so well. "Burgers sound great."

Ever since that brunch two weeks ago, she hadn't been alone with Steve. James had been there or some of their friends who apparently knew that "she and Steve were made for each other". Natasha had avoided to be alone with Steve because she was scared of what could happen. They had the tendency to end up naked and sweaty when they were alone. At least they were in public and she was too careful to publicly kiss him. God, she missed kissing him.

They walked in silence to a diner nearby and ordered burgers and fries. Once the waitress left them, Steve took a deep breath and gave her his puppy eyes. "I miss you. I miss talking to you. I know it's not ideally that James found out on his own, but we belong together. You, me and James."

She pushed around the napkin in front of her. "We shouldn't have slept with each other when James was in the apartment. What if he _heard_ us?"

"Natasha, he didn't hear anything. And other parents have sex as well, when their kids are in the house. It's normal. We're a normal family."

The waitress arrived with their food and Natasha took a big bite from her burger so she didn't have to talk. Sitting in front of Steve made her heart beat faster and her body ache for him. She missed him, she missed him in her bed, but mostly she missed the three of them being a little family.

"I don't know what to do." She told him honestly. "Are we a couple? Are we going to be together forever? Are we going to end up resenting each other and James is gonna end up traumatized and hating his parents?"

"I could never hate you. Even if you decide that you don't want me the way I want you, I would never hate you." He reached over the table to hold her hand. "You're it for me. I came back for you because I love you more than anything. And finding out about James was just the cherry on top. I want us to be a real family. I want to live with you, I want to marry you one day, I want more children with you. God, a diner is not the right place to admit that."

"Steve..." She whispered, staring at her plate. She couldn't look at him right now because he would see that she wanted that too. Did that mean she loved him? God, why did she have to be so screwed up? Any other woman would know what she was feeling.

"I think the real question is if you love me too, Natasha."

She looked up at him. His face was a cross between hope and fear. "I...I don't know...I don't know if I'm capable of that. The idea of you being with someone else makes me furious, but maybe that just means I'm possessive. I don't want to be touched by someone else, but maybe I'm just picky."

Steve smiled, but it looked more sad than happy. She knew that it wasn't what he wanted to hear. "I know I have no right to ask you to love me back even though I wish for nothing more. But I don't think I can keep doing this if you don't love me. I'm hoping for more and James is too. He's asking me when we are all going to live together and why I'm not staying over for sleepovers anymore."

"I don't want to be with anyone else. I was...I was waiting for you to come back...to me." She admitted.

"I know." Steve smiled softly, but it didn't reach his eyes. "You told me when you were sick. You told me that you were jealous about Peggy. That gave me hope...but now your behavior since James and everyone else knows...I have my doubts..."

Her heart broke in that moment. He looked so defeated, so hopeless. She didn't want him to feel like this. She wanted him to be happy. She'd always wanted him to have everything. Was that love?

The waitress came back in that moment to ask if everything was alright. Steve managed to smile a yes and the woman left opened her mouth to say something, anything to make Steve feel better, but her phone rang in that moment.

"I'm sorry, I have to take this."

Steve nodded and she answered her phone. Darcy informed her that city suddenly had second thoughts about the playground. Natasha clenched her jaw. She would have to take care of this, but she didn't want to leave Steve right now. She looked at him, but he was staring out of the window. She couldn't lose him. It had almost destroyed her the first time, she couldn't do it again. He belonged with her...and more importantly, she belonged to him. She told Darcy that she would be back soon and ended the call.

"I have to go."

"I figured." Steve smiled, but it wasn't convincing. "I know how important your job is."

"Steve-" She bit her lip, unsure how to proceed. She had an idea, but what if he turned her down? "Are you free this Friday? Do you... do you want to go out with me?"

"Are you asking me on a date?" A hopeful smile was lighting up his face and, God, he was just so beautiful.

"Yes. I...We should go on a date." Her cheeks felt warm. "I've never been on one."

"Me neither. I'd love to go on a date with you. Should I read into it as much I'm already doing?"

That hopeful smile on his face made her feel like a teenage girl. She nodded shyly and Steve beamed so brightly at her that her heart almost jumped out of her chest.

And then it hit her.

Yes, she was in love with him. She had been in love with him this whole time. That was the reason why she had been so furious at him, why she had missed him so much.

_She loved him_.

She smiled back at him, feeling giddy and so warm.

_She loved him_.

* * *

Tomorrow was her date with Steve. Steve who she loved. Steve who didn't know that she was in love with him. Oh God, how did other people do this? How could Steve say so easily that he loved her?! He hadn't experienced a fucked up childhood, so maybe that helped.

She was standing in her closet, trying to figure out what to wear tomorrow. She'd planned a classic date for them. Dinner and then dancing. She hoped that Steve would like that. She should probably wear a dress, but what kind of dress? A little black one, or rather something softer? Like a floral dress? Shit, she didn't own one. Would she have time tomorrow to buy one? Jesus, was everyone so nervous before their first date?

The doorbell rang a few times, informing her that James and Bucky were back. Today was Thursday and now that Bucky was back in the country, Thursday was Bucky day again.

Natasha left her closet and walked to the door to let the two in. James gave her a big hug and told her excitedly about the dog they had just seen. Bucky kissed her cheek as a greeting and handed her James's backpack. She put it on the bench in the hallway before she helped James out of his jacket and shoes. He ran off to find Liho as soon as he was out of his shoes.

"I heard you got a big date tomorrow?" Bucky asked her with a grin on his face and followed her into the kitchen after she'd asked him if he wanted a beer.

"Did_ James_ tell you?!"

"No. Steve did." Bucky laughed. "Does the little guy know about the date?"

"I don't think so. But then again, it looks like I can't keep anything from him."

"He's your son, what did you expect?" He chuckled and took the beer bottle from him. She narrowed her eyes at him and he only laughed. "Stevie's pretty nervous. It's kinda cute."

"You think Steve's cute?" She sassed back, secretly pleased that she wasn't the only one who was nervous.

"That's not what I said. If I wanted him, I could have had him decades ago." He joked and took a sip. "You got a sitter for James?"

"He's gonna stay the night at Laura's. I wasn't sure if you wanted him for another day."

"Hey, I love that kid!" He put his hand on his chest in shock. "I would have watched him, but I...I have already plans..."

Bucky seemed suddenly flustered and almost shy which wasn't like him at all. "What kind of plans?"

"He has a date!" James ran into the kitchen in that moment. Jesus, that kid had impeccable timing. What, was he waiting outside, eavesdropping?! "Can I have a snack, mama? Please?"

Bucky's face was flushed. "So much for what happens at boys day, stays at boys day!"

James ignored him, waiting for his string cheese. She gave him a stick and he thanked her before he ran out of the kitchen. She turned to Bucky. "So you have a date?" She asked him with a smile on her face. She was surprised, but happy for him.

"Well, yeah...It's still very new..."

"Do I know her?"

"Uh, yes...It's Darcy."

_Darcy?_ She definitely didn't see_ that_ coming. She wouldn't have thought that Darcy would have been his type, but then again, she didn't really know his type. So Bucky was the reason Darcy was smiling so much? "Wow, that's great! I'm glad you're putting yourself out there."

"Yeah..." Bucky smiled. "We ran into each other and she asked me if I wanted to have some coffee and it was really...nice. We've been to dinner once. Tomorrow is our second date."

"She seems like she would be a bit too much for you-"

"I like that about her. She's not treating me like I'm made out of glass. She just says what is on her mind. It's refreshing."

She smiled at that. "I'm happy for you." She elbowed him gently. "Do you want me to give her the shovel talk?"

Bucky laughed. "You want me to give Steve one?"

"I don't think that's necessary. You might get a shovel talk from Thor when he comes to Earth next month."

"He doesn't have to. Darcy has already introduced me to her taser. I like her. She's funny and smart. And so gorgeous."

"She's got a great rack." Natasha winked at him.

He snorted. "Yeah, that too. I think I'll tell her you said that."

"She's gonna love that." She grinned at him and he nodded in agreement. Darcy and Bucky. Huh, the more she thought about, the more she could see it working. They were both good people and they deserved some romance in their lives. "Do you wanna stay for dinner, Bucky?"

"Yeah, I'd love to."

* * *

Natasha had changed her outfit seven times. She had bought in her lunch break five new dresses, but ended up wearing one she'd already owned. At least she'd kept the tags on and could return the dresses. She was so nervous that her hand hadn't kept still and she had to redo her eyeliner. This wasn't just a date, it was the start of the rest of their lives. She knew that and she was nervous about that. What if she messed it up? What if she was incapable of giving Steve what he needed. What if she couldn't make him happy?

She checked her reflection one more time, happy with how she looked. She had chosen a simple black dress that showed off her back and her strappy heels made her legs look longer than they actually were. Her doorbell rang and she nodded at herself in the mirror. She could do this, Steve loved her and she loved him.

Steve had insisted on picking her up, even though she'd asked him out, and of course he wanted to pick her up, it was such a Steve thing. She smoothed down her dress and walked through the apartment to the door.

God, Steve looked so good. Her eyes traveled over his body when she opened the door. She was greeted with a bright smile when her eyes reached his face.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"Wow, you look amazing, Nat."

"Thank you." Oh God, she was actually blushing. "You look great, too." He really did in his grey suit, he'd left the tie at home and she was itching to unbutton his dress shirt to see more of his chest. She wanted to bite..._Okay, wow, stay on track, Romanoff!_

He handed her a bouquet of flowers and she smiled at him. He was so good to her, he treated her so well. She told him that she was getting a vase for the flowers and then they could go, and she heard Steve following her into the kitchen.

His fingertip trailed down her naked back while she filled a vase with water. She couldn't help but shiver. They hadn't really touched each other in over three weeks.

"God, you're so fucking beautiful."

"Language!"

He groaned in annoyance, but that comment didn't stop him from kissing her shoulder blade. _God_. She wanted him to push her dress over her hips and... _Nope_. There would be time for that later.

"We should go." She managed to breathe out.

"Mhm." Steve hummed in agreement and pressed another kiss onto her skin. "You smell so good."

"Steve..."

"I know." He stepped away and she immediately missed his presence. "I'm sorry."

She turned around and smiled at him. "Don't be. I love it when you touch me."

"I love it, too." He grinned before his expression turned soft. "Can I kiss you before we go?"

"Yes, please."

He gently cupped her face and gave her a sweet, lingering kiss. She could see his love for her in his eyes when he pulled away. She hoped he could see the same in hers. She put the flowers in the vase and left them on the kitchen island, and Steve helped her into her coat, his fingers brushing over her neck.

"So what are we doing tonight?"

"I was thinking we go to dinner, I booked us a table at an Italian restaurant, and then we go dancing?"

"Sounds amazing, even though I'm not as good at dancing as you, sweetheart."

"I'll lead, honey."

Steve's smile widened at the pet name. "I'll follow you anywhere." He offered her his arm, but she took his hand and laced their fingers together. She wanted to hold his hand. He looked at their hands and lifted them up to press a kiss on the back of her hand.

The restaurant looked lovely and Natasha was glad that she'd booked a table here. They were seated in the back with view of the garden, and the place had a romantic atmosphere. It was the perfect place for a date.

They ordered a bottle of wine and had a look at the menu. She chose scampi e spinaci while Steve picked Tagliata di Manzo, he could never say no to steak.

The waiter wrote their order down and left with the menus, and Steve reached over the table to hold her hand. "This place looks great."

"I'm glad you like it." She smiled at him. The candlelight gave his face a beautiful golden glow. "I hope your dish has garlic in it. Mine definitely does."

"Why?" He quirked an eyebrow. "You got plans later?"

"Maybe." She bit her lip and his eyes darkened.

Their food arrived shortly later and it was really good. Steve let her have a bite of his steak and she fed him a fork of her pasta. It felt good to do this with Steve. To be just a man and a woman enjoying each other's company. She promised herself that they would have regular date nights from now on.

"I...I have a job."

"Hm?" She gave him a questioning look. She hadn't know that he was looking for something. He enjoyed his art classes and...God, what if he was going back to SHIELD? No, that was too dangerous-

"I sent a few sketches to an ad agency...They were looking for an illustrator for a project and they liked my stuff. They offered me the gig."

"That's amazing, honey!"

"Thank you." He blushed adorably. "I...I sent them under a fake name. I told them my name is Grant Stevens."

"Oh, Steve!"

"I know! I just...I didn't want to get the job because they wanted Captain America...I wanted to get a fair chance."

"I'm sure they'll understand that. You're too talented for them to let you get away."

They had tiramisu as desert, and she didn't let Steve pay for dinner. She'd asked him out so she was going to pay, and Steve pouted like a toddler. Really it was the 21st century, women could pay for dinner as well!

"You can pay the next time." She told him while he helped her into her coat.

"There will be another date?" His voice was hopeful and she felt bad that he could be thinking that tonight was a one time thing.

"I hope so." She said in earnest and he smiled, lacing their fingers together.

Natasha had spent a lot of time online to find the right place to go to after dinner. She wanted to go dancing with Steve, actual dancing and not clubbing. God knew there were more than enough clubs in New York City, but not the kind of places she was searching for. She just hoped that the place she'd chosen was going to live up to her expectations. The cab brought them to Brooklyn and Steve seemed happy to be back in his old neighborhood.

Thankfully the bar was exactly what Natasha had hoped for. Couples were dancing, others were sitting at small tables having drinks, and the whole place looked elegant and the music so far was good. They had drinks before Steve asked her to dance.

Natasha had taught Steve how to dance when they had still been working for SHIELD. She'd taught him several dances in his living room, and yes, he wasn't as good as her, but he was still good at it.

She didn't know how long they were on the dance floor, but it had to be hours. The music selection was very varied, and she and Steve danced salsa, foxtrot and slow waltz. She couldn't remember the last time she'd danced so much. No, she couldn't remember the last time she'd danced. Dancing around the living room with James didn't count.

"I want us to do this more often." She whispered to Steve after he twirled her and she was in his arms.

"Me, too."

"Kiss me." She didn't know if she was asking or ordering, she just needed him to kiss her. He leaned down and kissed her while they kept slow dancing to the music.

"Remember the first time we kissed?" Steve asked, brushing his lips against hers.

"You mean on the escalator?"

"No." He laughed softly. "I mean our first _real_ kiss."

She nodded. "Yeah, I remember. I still can't believe that you made the first move."

"Yeah...I just had to kiss you. I didn't know why. You looked so sad when I told you that I was moving back to the city and a part of me didn't want to leave the compound, but I felt like a failure."

"Thanos wasn't your fault."

"Still felt like it. And I just had to kiss you before I left."

"You did more than kiss me that night." She whispered, remembering that night clearly. She hadn't wanted him to return to New York, but she had known that she had to let him do it. She'd watched him put his stuff in the car, already knowing that she would feel so lonely without him. He had walked over to her to say goodbye and then just kissed her. They had both been shocked, but Natasha had still grabbed his face to kiss him again. They'd left a trail of clothes to her quarters and slept together for the first time.

"I've already loved you then. I just didn't realize it."

She kissed him. This was the moment to tell him about her feelings. "I've already loved you then, too."

"_Natasha_-" Steve choked up.

"I love you." She hoped her voice carried her immense love for him. "I'm in love with you."

"I love you, too." He whispered hoarsely and he slanted his lips over her. "So much."

"Take me home, honey." She needed to be alone with him, she needed to show him her love.

* * *

_One year later_

"My room!" James squeaked and ran straight into his_ parents'_ bedroom, jumping on the bed.

Steve shook his head in amusement, leaning against the door frame. "That's not your room, buddy. Nice try though."

James made a face. "But the bed is sooo big! It's a dream land!"

"Okay, off the bed with you!" Natasha shooed him away. She didn't want him to get the idea that he could just jump up and down on beds. "You have a really great room, James, remember?"

"Yes, mama!" James almost ran into his father on his way out of his parents' bedroom, probably heading to his own room down the hall.

Steve came over to her and pulled her into his arms. "Hey."

"Hi." She rose onto her toes to give him a kiss. "I can't be believe we're finally moving in! That the house is finally done!"

"I know, me too." He captured her lips in another kiss.

Steve had soon moved in with her and James after their first official date, and they'd both decided that they needed a bigger place, that they'd wanted a house. In the end they'd found a beautiful brown stone house close to their old neighborhood and bought it after the first viewing. It had needed some work, but it was just perfect for them.

"Mama! Daddy!" James came back and Steve picked him up. God, James was so happy now that his parents were together and openly in love. She brushed a strain of hair out of her son's face and kissed his cheek. "Daddy, now?"

"Yeah, buddy, I think now is a good time."

"What are you two talking about?"

Both her boys shared a secret smile and Steve let James back down before he got down on one knee. _Oh my God_! They had talked about marriage, but-

"Tasha, will you marry me?"

"Say yes, mommy!" James suddenly had a diamond ring in his hand. Holy shit, that was one big ass diamond!

She dropped to her knees."Yes, of course I'll marry you!" She grabbed Steve's face and kissed him until James pushed himself between his parents. "I love you, Steve."

"I love you, too, Natasha." He took the ring from James and slid it onto her finger. "I can't wait to be your husband. You make me so damn happy!"

"Daddy said damn!" James giggled.

She smiled at her future husband and she was pretty sure that Steve would even be more happier when she was going to tell him tonight that she was pregnant with their second child.

_The End_


	19. Epilogue

_Like I said at the beginning of this story, this is the last one. I'm not coming back, but I'll leave you with this little epilogue as a parting gift. Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed my stories.  
_

* * *

_Epilogue_

"Mommy, can the baby hear me?" Sarah climbed onto the couch and snuggled up to her mother and pressed her ear on Natasha's stomach. "Heeeellooo?"

Natasha snorted and brushed her hand through her daughter's red locks. Sarah was a bright little girl, just as smart and special as her big brother James, and she had been excited to find out that a new addition would join the family in a few months.

"I think so. The baby recognizes the mother's voice, so it should definitely hear your voice as well. You can talk to your sibling if you want, sweetie."

"Are you a girl? I hope!" Sarah stared at her stomach like she was expecting an answer from her sibling.

The baby had been a bit of a surprise. Neither she or Steve had been planning it, but they also hadn't done anything to prevent another pregnancy. Sarah just turned two, and Natasha had feared that she wouldn't like to lose the status of being the baby of the family so soon, but she wanted to be a big sister. James wasn't as excited as his sister, but she knew that he would love his new sibling as much as he loved his little sister.

Sarah gave up on getting an answer from the baby and rested her head on Natasha's chest, looking up at her with her big blue eyes framed by long lashes.

"I luv you, mama!"

She smiled down at her daughter. "I love you, too. So much."

"And I luv daddy, Jamie, Uncle Bucky, Auntie Laura-"

Natasha was pretty sure that Sarah could have go on like this for some time, her baby had a big heart, but she stopped because she'd heard the front door open. She jumped off the couch and ran out of the living room to greet her father and brother.

"Hiiii!" Then a squeal. "Uncle Bucky!"

Natasha grinned and got off the couch herself. Sarah planned on marrying Bucky when she was a grown up, ignoring the fact that he was already in a long term relationship with Darcy who Sara thought was the coolest person ever.

"Hello, princess!"

Bucky lifted up Sarah and she giggled happily. Natasha chuckled at the sight and opened her arms so James could run into them. "Hi, did you have fun with daddy?"

"Yes, mama!" He beamed up at her and she leaned down to press a kiss on his head. James was getting bigger and bigger. She was sure that he would be one day as tall as his father. And he was getting more independent each day. It had broken her heart a little when he'd asked her not to call him baby in public anymore because he wasn't one as he'd told her. That might be theoretically true, but James would always be her baby.

"And we ran into Bucky." Steve explained and came over to her to kiss her. "Hi, sweetheart."

"Hi." Butterflies were dancing in her stomach. She loved him so much and her life was so much brighter since she'd finally admitted to herself that he was the one.

"I hope it's okay that I crash?" Bucky asked, letting Sarah back down.

"Of course. You're always welcome here! Why don't we order some pizza?"

The kids started chanting pizza, pizza on their way to the living room with a laughing Bucky in tow, and she and Steve stayed in the hallway a little longer. Her husband put his hand on her little baby bump and smiled.

"How are you two?"

"We're great. I think the baby will start to kick soon."

"Oh, I love that part. I finally feel like I can get engage with the baby."

She remembered that he loved that part of a pregnancy. He'd talked to Sarah for hours, waiting to feel a kick, his face lighting up every time Sarah "answered" her father.

She grabbed the fabric of Steve's shirt to pull him down to her so that he would kiss her. She turned very affectionate and needy during her pregnancies and she finally had her Steve to kiss and love her. The kiss lasted probably longer than it should be with kids nearby and a little tongue was also involved, but Natasha needed it and Steve was more than happy to give it to her.

"I love you, Tasha." He whispered against her lips. "I love you so fucking much. You are my dream come true."

"I love you, too." She smiled and gave him a peck.

Steve tried to deepen the kiss, but they had to pull apart when they heard Sarah loudly whisper _uh-oh_, and quickly ran to see what had happened.

* * *

Every Saturday morning was spent in Central Park and Natasha was glad that it was May and the weather was finally good again. James had a soccer game today that was more fun than actual competition and his family was standing near the field to cheer him on.

Sarah was sitting on her father's shoulders so she could see the game and she loudly cheered for her big brother. James was good at soccer, he was very good at pretty much everything, and it sometimes scared Natasha. People started to notice how special their boy was and she feared that some day it could be the wrong people. She and Steve were civilians now, but there was no doubt in her mind that they would do everything to protect their children.

Baby Romanoff Rogers was very active today and she felt their child kick her organs like it was cheering for James as well. He raced over the field and scored two goals, helping his team win. Unlike the other kids, he was barely sweating when he came running towards them.

"Concats, Jamie!" Sarah grinned at her bother.

"Thank you." He smiled warmly at his sister. Sarah was the only one who was allowed to call him Jamie.

"Great job, buddy!" Steve gave his son a high five and James beamed proudly.

"Yeah, you were amazing, James!" She ruffled his hair and James pretended to be annoyed, but she knew that he loved it. "Why don't we celebrate your win at Stan's, huh?"

Both kids squealed happily and they left the park after James had said bye to all his friends. Natasha was holding Sarah's hand and her daughter told her what she wanted to eat. She was listing so much food that one could think that Sarah wanted to feed James's entire soccer team. Steve and James were walking in front of them, talking about the game. Steve had always been more of a baseball fan, but he'd started to get into soccer once James joined a kids team.

Stan greeted them with a big smile and gave each kid a cookie when he came to their table with the menus. Sarah wanted to have _Benedictus eggs _and made a face when Stan explained to her what it actually was. She decided to go with French toast in the end.

"How you even know about Eggs Benedict, sweetie?" Steve asked her with a amused look on his face.

"Uncle Sammy, daddy!"

Natasha loved those moments, the four of them together just doing simple things. James was still talking about his game, and Sarah's whole attention was on him. She didn't even look at her father who was cutting her food for her. James promised his sister to show her new soccer tricks later when they were home and Sarah squealed happily.

Natasha looked over to Steve who was smiling at her. God, she was so damn lucky to have this.

"I love you." Steve mouthed to her and she blew him a kiss. James saw it and made a face, he was getting to that age where he found parental displace of affection gross.

Sarah and James played soccer in the backyard during the afternoon while Natasha and Steve sat on the patio, watching the children. Liho joined and jumped into Natasha's lap where she curled herself into a ball. Yeah, this was the perfect life, Natasha thought while she petted the cat.

* * *

"Yippie!" Sarah squealed while she jumped off the dock into her father's waiting arms.

Natasha laughed at the sight and waved back at her daughter who was swimming in the lake watched by her father. James was snorkeling near by with his new equipment. She wasn't worried about her children's safety. James was an excellent swimmer and Sarah was great as well for a two year old, and Steve was with them. And Natasha herself could be in the water in seconds, but for now she was sunbathing on the shore with a good book by her side.

It was the weekend of the Fourth of July which was of course Steve's birthday and they decided to head up to Vermont to celebrate. She and Steve had wanted to buy the house from Pepper, but she'd given it to them as their wedding gift. The house was so special to them. This was where their relationship had started and where James had spent his first Christmas with both his parents, and the kids just loved it here.

The baby kicked and Natasha pressed her hand on her bump with a smile on her face and continued to read her book. She heard the kids squealing and the occasional splash of water when Steve threw one of the kids into the air. She loved summer.

Steve grilled burgers on the grill while the kids helped Natasha prepare the rest for dinner. Sarah was singing a song that only she seemed to know, and James told his mother about the things he'd seen under water. She looked at her kids and heart skipped a beat. She loved these two little humans so much, just as much as the little human inside of her. Only two more months and she would meet her third child, she couldn't wait. They didn't want to know the gender, but Natasha had a feeling that it was another girl.

They sat outside, eating their burgers and listening to the crickets and birds. It was the perfect summer night.

Sarah climbed into Natasha's lap and together they watched Steve and James play baseball. Sarah had tried it as well, but soon lost interest.

"Can I ballerina?" Her little girl looked up at her.

"You want to take ballet classes, sweetie?"

"Yes! I wanna be like you, mama! Dance!"

She kissed Sarah's perfect hair. "Then we'll look into that when we're back home."

"Tanks!" Her little girl beamed happily and pressed her face into Natasha's neck.

Natasha's first thought had honestly been to say no. Too many bad and bloody memories were connected to her own dancing lessons, but Sarah's childhood was different. She was loved and protected, and Natasha wanted her to fulfill her dreams.

The kids were tucked into bed, and Natasha and Steve enjoyed some alone time. They had danced outside on the patio before Steve had carried her to their bedroom to make love to her.

Steve's hand was on her baby bump while they softly kissed, whispering sweet nothings to each other. A quiet knock on the door startled them.

"Mommy?! Awake? Mommy? Daddy?"

"One sec, Sarah!" Steve jumped out of the bed, pulling his briefs back on.

Natasha chuckled and put on her own nightgown. The kids knew that they had to knock on the bedroom door and not just storm in. They didn't want to traumatize the children.

Steve was already by the door and opened it. "What's wrong, bunny?"

"Bad dream." Sarah whispered quietly, looking scared. "Sleep here? Please?"

Steve turned to look at Natasha and she nodded at her husband. "Of course. No one should be alone after a bad dream. Mama will keep them away, sweetie, don't worry." He picked her up and walked with her to the bed.

Sarah immediately crawled over to Natasha and snuggled into her arms. "Do you wanna talk about your dream, my love?"

"No." She shook her head.

"Okay." Natasha lied down and pulled the sheet over her and Sarah. "Daddy and I are here, and we'll always protect you. Always, baby."

Steve joined them and pulled Natasha into his arms, both Sarah and the baby between them. Sarah was already asleep again, one of her little hands on Natasha's bump. Steve brushed her red locks behind her ear and kissed the back of her head. Natasha smiled at her husband before she closed her eyes. In the morning she would send Steve to James's room to get him, so they could have a cuddle party.

* * *

James was proudly pushing the stroller, Natasha walking next to her son and baby. They had been at the farmers market and James had asked if he could push the stroller. He couldn't really see what was in front of him, so Natasha made sure that nothing could happen to her two babies. Toni had slept through the entire trip, but Natasha was sure that she would wake up soon and cry for food.

It was Autumn, but still warm, so they stopped to get ice cream. Natasha was back in charge of pushing the stroller and James walked by her side, enjoying his ice. James told her about school ( a part from her still couldn't believe that her baby was in elementary school!) and he was very excited about his first school trip.

Natasha carried the stroller into the house while James was holding his baby sister in his arms. God, he was such a great big brother to his sisters. She was relieved that her children had each other and would never be alone. They would have each other's backs.

Steve and Sarah weren't downstairs, but she could hear her daughter's delighted squeal. She took Toni from James, and the three of them made their way upstairs. Her baby was still sleeping in her arms and Natasha pressed her nose against Toni's head to breathe in the baby smell. There was no better smell in the world. They found Steve and Sarah in Sarah's room, having a tea party. Liho was lying on Sarah's bed and jumped off when she spotted James to say hello.

"Mama! Jamie!" She yelled, but lowered her voice when her gaze fell on her sister. "Toni." She whispered. "Daddy and I have a party! Come!"

Toni slept through the majority of the tea party and even James was pretending to drink tea to humor Sarah. The baby woke up and started to cry.

"Okay, I think Toni is hungry as well."

She fed her daughter, and just like her siblings, Toni Romanoff Rogers had a big appetite. Honestly, it was amazing that her body could produce so much milk. Helen had already explained to her when she had been breastfeeding James that he'd drunk so much because of the serums. Natasha looked down at her daughter who was just as beautiful as her brother and sister, and gently stroked her rosy cheek.

Sarah and James had lost interest in the tea party and had gone to James's room to play with his toys. Natasha looked up from Toni and saw that Steve was watching them and she could see his love for his family on his face.

"So beautiful." He whispered in awe and scooted over to pull her against his chest.

"Yeah, nothing more beautiful than a baby destroying your nipples." She deadpanned and Steve chuckled.

"I'm sorry that you're in pain." He kissed her head. "You are a true superhero!"

"_Duh_! I stopped several alien invasions!"

"I know. I was right by your side. But this...our family...that's the greatest adventure."

"Yes, it is." She looked down at Toni who'd had enough to eat and Natasha could button up her shirt again.

"Don't cover yourself up on my behalf." Steve grinned and took Toni from her to burp her.

She rolled her eyes and left the room to check on Sarah and James. They were trying to teach Liho some tricks with not that much of success. The cat was more successful in tricking the kids into giving her treats.

Natasha made a stew from the vegetables that she and James had brought at the farmers market, and the kids asked if they could watch a movie after dinner. James chose Mulan and the whole family sat down on the big couch to watch the movie. Steve had a sleeping Toni in his arms, Sarah had climbed into Natasha's lap, and James was sandwiched between his parents, his head leaning against his father's arm.

Natasha didn't focus on the film, she watched her family. The four people she loved more than anything, and who were her home. Clint had once told her that she would find her place in the world one day when she'd said that she didn't have one.

_You were right, Clint. This, this right here is my place in the world. And I would have never found it without you. Thank you, Clint._


End file.
